Eine Weihnachtsgeschichte

A Christmas story

Last chance for Harry

This is an old german movie, I watched yesterday with my mother.

She just found it on YouTube and then thought we could maybe watch it together. So in case you can’t speak german and the subtitle generator doesn’t work (as usual) maybe you can still watch it, eventhough you don’t understand what they are talking. (And for a minute or something there is no sound, but the rest is working.)

Funny thing is, this movie was made or at least had a copyright for 1998, my birth year. A story about a homeless man, who once was a well-known man, but lost his family in an accident. (Man on the right.) And then through coincidence, he was able to help his homeless friends and also some other people. Even the first pretty arrogant and ignorant business man (man in the middle) later found his heart and together they even solved or prevented a few crimes.

It is about a lot of things which were wrong more than 20 years ago in my country and the (western) world in general. Interestingly we both can’t remember ever watching this movie. Maybe at some point when I was little, but really that is just a possibility. So we were surprised about it and how filled with messages it was and also warmth of heart (besides the few gangsters and the sad stories all together). Build up like some kind of sad comedy, with highly critical and (hopefully for some people) eye-opening scenes.

A strong cry for justice and love and to remember that we are all having feelings and needs and wouldn’t want to be in someone’s shoes who has to walk the underground. Meaning, to be homeless, a prostitute or being a worker who is replaceable like a some of the things they produce or have to take care of. Why are people so heartless?

And there was one scene in which the business guy (who was german, but lived in Canada) said something about a saying.

“Don’t judge a man, before you haven’t walked in his shoes for some miles.”

Or something like this, since it was in german.

And I think he meant, that it was a canadian saying / phrase.

In this movie and also in my childhood, Canada was usually a country presented as the thing everyone wants, but most people can’t get.

Of course proclaimed with things which also weren’t true in some cases, as if everyone in Canada was completely happy.

But still, in my childhood a lot of the good TV shows (for me good; which I liked the most) came from Canada or were at least related to it. A lot of child TV shows, like cartoons and such things as well, translated into german, with german voice-over.

But these days I wonder. Is Canada still a wonderland or was it ever?

At least a lot of people who helped me more than they might imagine come from there.

Ellen Page, Richard Dean Anderson to just name those who probably had somewhat the most influence. At least with their presence, way of acting and simply being. Not to forget all the authors, producers and other actors (who not all must have been from Canada) who worked with them. And again, the country is not what was the important part, always the people, at least for me and especially my younger me.

Me: weeps again while writing

It is also dangerous to hold up one country, nation or group of people as a standard or example for others. It happened to my mother’s family, since her father and mother were very kind people and helped others where they could. Often where “watched” and judged, when something seemed off according to others. For example when others thought my mother was wearing make-up, while she actually just “naturally” had red cheeks. I am not sure about whether it actually was a bad thing, since I think she once said, that it meant that something was not okay. That’s why naturally is maybe no correct, but doesn’t mean she wanted it or needed it. But others then thought she tried to look pretty or whatever or maybe even wanted to get make-up, since “she was also allowed to get some”. When people know nothing… and yes, I also sometimes made this mistake or a lot of times. But not because I was born like this, because I got told or convinced of things by my father or other people. For example that some people (according to their logic) were sinners or “more” sinners than others and such things. And well, for a child this is very confusing and damaging (to say the least).

Made me say “I am a believer”, when asked from which religious group I come, when I was at the catholic church with my friend back then. We were driving around with one adult and singing in a group of three children. A little dressed up, when I remember correct. It was about the catholic tradition of the “Sternsinger” (literal: star singers; caroler; carol singers). And I just did that with my friend(s) or some people a few times. For me personally, I didn’t really understand nor care much about whether I was evangelic, catholic or whatever. But back then I got told by my father or maybe others, that catholic wasn’t good (as if theirs was any better).

For me there were just some other people who were as human as I was and I think I even once had some kind of Eucharist (Abendmahl), not an official thing, but because I and some others were singing with or for them. At least what I remember.

In school we also had seperate religion classes or ethic class for everyone else who either had no religion or was a minority. I think there once even was some muslim / islamic class (I am not sure what the correct description is). And I remember, that we once visited the different muslim “mosques” in the town or also another town. We learned that they had three main “separations”, Alevi, Shias / Shiites, Sunnites, and visited all of them.

Well it weren’t mosques like in movies or some regions or countries, but buildings / places where they had something to pray, meet and therefor a mosque, although it didn’t look like one.

The interesting thing was, that the Alevi were actually the most welcome of the three, although all of them of course were welcoming us to see how they pray and learn about their traditions, culture and such things.

We did that in elementary school, the visiting and also my singing, but I also went there at least once after we moved.

My elementary school was really one of the best things ever, now that I write and remember all of this. I really learned more and felt better than in all other schools. It was a more open school, mainly because of a the people there (teachers, principal, janitor, …), at least back then.

The Alevi even made food for us, I think it was Baklava or at least something turkish I assume. Since we had many turkish people around in my town back then and hopefully still. At least as long as they are happier now. Because some of the lived in streets which others didn’t want to live in or which were cheap. And I even had some in my classes all the time, I think. And sorry in case some of the actually weren’t turkish, but as far as I remember they were. If not, I am sorry, I really had other things to think or worry about back then, since I was fighting with depression and trauma and all that.

Which didn’t hold me back to still learn more things, get to know new people and all, at least in the beginning, before I more and more stepped out or away from people. Since I felt unwanted and also needed help, but wanted to die, since nothing seemed to change in the world and my life seemed pointless and out of luck.

I even had an indian chemistry teacher once, at least I think she was indian. A very great teacher from my memory.

I actually had a colorful school experience, at least in the first years. Besides the negative things of course.

There is always this feeling as a question hovering over or flying around it all: What happened?

Not to me, I know what happened to and with me and what I might have done, for the most part. But more like: What happened to all these wonderful people, ideas and positive development?

Instead of blooming, the towns seems to get (quite literal) more and more gray and gloomy, like the village. Where once was a community hall, with a small shop for people with not much money (where you could buy things which were at the freshness date limit and such things), were now built a few new, modern houses. To sell probably expensive freehold flats.

And even in my village a few people already built black, gray, white box houses, as if they weren’t even human. The hell is happening?

People please wake up… Please!

Otherwise WWII will be a joke, the survivors of the next “big thing” will tell each other, in case they survived. I am not joking here, so please take it serious. I like or at least like all these people, although I might have feared or judged or just avoided some at some point. Out of my own problems, what others told me or just because I was walking with death side-by-side in a way. But whenever I saw and see these people selling kebab, my heart warmed up or at least felt better. Some (at least as far as I know and remember) turkish people. Very kind and cool people, but also having a heavy heart and a lot of sorrow, when I saw them sometimes walking down the street. 😦

Why can’t I tell them! WHY!?

(crying again)

I usually had more good to say about people than bad, at least when I felt something like myself. And about some people I just didn’t or couldn’t find anything bad and maybe also wanted. Not meaning that I was searching for anything, just what I saw, maybe heard or felt. Usually I felt that a lot of the people, if not all, were sad, at least sometimes. But also that they had a lot of things to give and were great people or could be again.

And when I write something negative about people, it is my frustration, that they seem to feel better about talking negative things or ignoring others or themselves. I hate it when I say something negative about others, I got told enough myself and have seen enough of it. People almost or actually getting fired or filled with pills, so the others can “live their life” and such things.

Enough of this madness!

Why did this one kebab shop close, although it was the best I have ever eaten?

Why did a lot of people start drinking, smoking or even taking drugs, although they knew it was not good for them?

You know why, at least you should and I know.

While a few “good” people judge about how people don’t look about their health. What health, if everything goes to hell anyway…

I don’t want this, I am sure you don’t want this and many others as well. Especially the children, who usually (sadly not always and in many cases they can’t) should see the world for what it is and how it should be.

Let your hearts speak, your tears and not your “I know better” or “what is it worth?”

I would run into an open knife or jump down into a hole full of spears, if it would change everything to the better, the bright earth, world we wished for. But I am very sure it won’t change it. Would be just one more, who died too soon or died at all.

Thank you my fellow humans and other beings out there!

Thanks for your ears and eyes or however you might have recieved this.