In the game Hearthstone my best character was the warlock.

When you think about it, then is this character pretty stupid and difficult to play. In order to get an extra card he take two life points. Giving his enemy a possible faster victory, while he might get a card he doesn’t even need at the moment, since it is usually random (special effects or cards aside).

I am bad with games, usually and with people in general, especially when there is stress or a lot of complicated stuff to do in a short time. But somehow I managed to master this character in this game although a friend who played it more often, meant it was not useful or practical to play with. Even had beaten him with it once, although he played the game often, while I just played it a few times for fun.

I also got some legendary golden cards for free, while he had to play a lot and craft them.

But this game is not life and it is also not important. Yet it reflected in a way how I felt in real life, although in the opposite. Depending on the scenario. While with people, I am usually a zero, quiet in the corner.

When I am on my own, I was even able to beat a 30 kilometer walk without water only a shity can of soup and a short break while being exhausted from work, feeling like dying, not really have eaten something and went there at night. Or also was able to walk and sleep in the forest in the middle of the night, without heat, light all by myself. I personally don’t want to be a warlock or something like that, but sometimes it seems that people around me think I am or see something like that in me, as soon as I say something honest and don’t just play happy and as if everything is okay.

Do you know what is weird, that people who say that you should believe their god and their god will make everything good, are actually those who are responsible for the suffering in the end or those they obey?

Then people go to the opposite, since they think, well, when they support the evil, we go to their enemies. Only to get to the same result. So you end up in a dark cult either way. Only that one calls itself good and the other calls itself bad. Or something like it. Or maybe they all call themselves good or god these days. In the end what you get is a bunch of ignorant or naive people doing crazy or stupid things, while the real shit keeps on happening.

I mean when you fall for “live in the moment” in a world like we have today. Then you really are a child.

Because only would we be free, we could live in the moment. Maybe some people are, when they were able to escape somewhere for themselves and were able to either keep or make food and such basic things for themselves. But as soon as they get noticed or are in the way of some people, they will either be wiped out anyway, hunted or maybe even used for experiements, since noone would miss them anyway, since they are “off the radar”. But it is also able to do that with people in the towns and cities, no one would miss them, right? I mean they basically isolate themselves anyway and even feel good or normal about it. While in my case, I had to because otherwise others would have driven me completely crazy at some point, while not being able to understand me anyway or only to some point. As far as they were willing to go. Usually as far as the “normal” mindest goes, the indoctrinated stuff, like “school, work, death” or love, death and robots or sex.

As if only these things exist and a lot of things to ignore them or make fun of it, so people won’t freak out or question it. Since when someone makes fun of something, they can’t be evil right? …………. wrong

At best the people who actually rule the world are just stupid machine heads who will hopefully die out soon.

At worst they are actually more than that and will be willing to kill everyone, should they not get what they want.

Some people might think, that they can’t be that stupid, since they need us. But no, they don’t need us and yes, they can be that crazy or stupid. I mean, look back in history, there were a lot of crazy and stupid people in positions of power because they always found others to do the dirty work for them, in either way. Or were brutal enough themselves to do it themselves. For what? Just to keep in power. Why? Don’t ask me, it is their madness, not mine.

Most people think, that because they wouldn’t do such a thing, those in power must also be this way. But that is actually manipulation at it’s best. Like my father keeps on telling that he loves me or my mother, but as soon as we say something honest he gets angry and when we sometimes go listened to his self-talk (or whatever) outside or in his house, he shouts and rumbles all kinds of angry and mean things about us and also blames us for everything. And you could say, that I do the same. But my mother tried to help him and is now trapped and feels empty, I tried to help him and he had a million chances to get rid of his stupid religion who is just support the regimes and if not their own interest or whatever they do these days. My father just listens to them talk, while they basically talk about the same stuff over and over again and are only making him angry, while he says they “speak good”. Probably meaning the way the speak so calming, monoton and boring. Since he probably doesn’t even really know what they are basically telling. It is called hypnsis. But when I come up to him with hypnosis, he says it is something evil and from the devil. Yea… well…

Tell me something new…

I blame those who willingly pay people to kill others, who build up technology “paradises” knowing or ignoring that these things cause harm to all kinds of forms of life. Just to get power because money is nothing they need, since they control and print it. Since it is just something like a block of wood, only less, since a block of wood can at least burn for a while or also can be used to sit. Not to forget what it can do when still part of a tree, standing strong and transporting and resources and stuff to grow leaves to clean the air and give shelter and home for all kinds of animals, like birds, bees, squirrels and maybe even a few fellow humans and apes.

The thing is, that these people would probably be better of in a robot body, these people who turned us into robot like beings, while we are not. Why? Well because then they would have body which would suit their behavior and also feelings and not only that, but also might actually gives them their precious infinite life they wanted. Since they wouldn’t need living body anyway. I mean, they basically waste it anyway or cause other bodies to waste away as a result of their doing.

Would they be in a robot body, we could also have some EMP bombs and then control them, in case they won’t want to clean the environment anymore, like the G0oD roB0Ts they are. What a waste their bodies are, what a waste, what a shame.

Mine always healed, at least partially although I treated it like shit, because deep down I still knew, that I just did it because others didn’t let me live and made hate myself. Nature knew that I didn’t really want to hurt myself or maybe others. But some people know that their actions not only could harm others, but are willing to let millions die for their control. Or what do you call this pandemic? A situation which is out of control? Further from the truth my friends, further from the truth. Those who profit from it have everything under control and are not really feeling in danger or threatended, while of course making everyone else feel this way. Otherwise people would maybe be able to understand that they are in a gas chamber. And that would be aweful, no?

But maybe some people can even survive a gas chamber. You never know, until you tested it, right?

At least that is what some people do to this day, with all of us, in some ways and people just let it happen because they have everything “perfectly” set up. You tell the parents shit and force them to work and treat the children properly. Then the children are alone without a voice, so they have no one to help or support them, while of course offering them various things like therapy, drugs, both illegal and legal, so they think they have a choice, or whatever.

Then you break them and hopefully suck out the life of those who would still want to help or love others anyway, since they are not helpful in a death machinery. So you say that it was their own fault when they kill themselves or couldn’t do it anymore and died in some way. Because we have all these “support” which is actually only supporting the system and is mainly on a so called professional level. So actually nothing. And it probably only works because some people sometimes don’t fully obey the protocol or are still also sending out additional support, should they actually care.

But as long as you can find or “invent” explanations for chaos, pain, suffering, injustice, death, work, school, authority, politics and other miracles they tell you, so you feel safe or “normal”, good people die or help bad people and bad people laugh, while most people are just neutral and brainwashed to follow them.

I can only repeat that over and over again, since other people repeat lies over and over again as well, but interestingly they are trusted and followed? Why? Well because they probably “speak good” and people are already comfortable with this way of speaking or interaction, so they might feel uncomfortable when someone actually speaks their mind and is honest because it is so uncommon these days.

People: But I am honest.

Could be, but probably just because the only topics you are still able to process are sex, pets and what you will eat for dinner or what new useless shop you visited to buy things you don’t need.

People: You are mean and ignorant.

Thank you for discribing yourself.

People: You need help.

… may I repeat.

People: I am calling the cops.

You mean you call a shark?

People: No, the police.

And then what?

People: Then they will bring you somewhere where you will get help.

Thanks, I good…

How can you fight against brain-washing?

The best way would be to cause a major blackout for at least two days.

X: But hey, then some people would probably die.

Interesting that you mentioned it.

X: Yeah…

If the people would finally vote down their governments and think for themselves, we could all just live our lives and help each other and have fun together and maybe fun helping others.

People: But on my vote paper I don’t find anything about voting against the government and the government also keeps me safe.

Yea… yea…. they keep your place in the cemetery safe or should I say crematorium?

Because that is what is where “God’s” people go, I guess.

I for my part, knowing that freedom was something meant by nature, whatever or whoever made it, so I don’t know what they are talking about. I take the good things, which help me and also others and try to understand everything on my own or how others maybe see it.

Again, in biology, in school, I got told that the mind shuts down when there is too much stress, information or such things like fear and too much. And since most people live with this on a daily basis, while thinking it is normal since they either have enough drugs (medicine or other substances like coffee or sugar) in their body to keep up with it. The more it gets and the longer you are in it, the less you are able to handle, to think and then your are basically a zombie like being or a machine. So you can only remain on the basic needs, which is food, rest and maybe something to ease the pain, while you are not able to understand why it is or how. Probably even believing that it is good the way it is or just don’t think much about it at all, since you can’t.

So when you get beyond the point of “almost” breaking, people say you are crazy because basically you are in a way. Not because you are really crazy or completely, depending on what you understand under crazy anyway, since it is not crazy to kill million of people in gas chambers, because it was necessary, but talking about it is. You know what I mean…

So well, should you feel crazy, maybe you are actually not all that crazy and just experience what happened to you. This means that you can fully recover, as long as you can thanks to your pratially broken mind think for yourself again. If not, then it could be dangerous because then you could actually turn into a problem not only for the system and everyone else, but also yourself.

I luckily survived that and could keep this part under control so far.

If we would be free, I wouldn’t have to, since then I would not feel anger or pain.

But hey, the TV said life is pain, so it must be true.

The shows I watched didn’t say that and actually said quite the opposite.

And also my own thoughts and feelings tell me different things.

But hey, I am just talking with myself via a computer screen while typing on a keyboard and no one actually understands and probably thinks I am just halluzinating or whatever.

Sometimes I really overreacted or came to conclusions which were then different, but when you know the full extent of human existence and possiblities, it is a miracle that I can even type, think and feel good sometimes or even still have love.

I wouldn’t believe myself, I guess, would I be only able to think within the system, since I was partially because no one was there to support me or understand me.

Where does the manipulation start and where does it end?

As long as I still know what the technology in my house is capable of and maybe even giving it more credit than it deserves (keeping in mind that it might be able to do more than was said, while it might then actually just does what was said). I know about extra codes, hidden stuff and that it can work. I am also a very good observer.

For example, since my mother’s car is older, you can see when the car needs more energy or has to handle the change of a switch for example. So when the lights are on and I turn the vent power up, the light flickers for a few milliseconds or gets a little darker. I also saw flickering on screens, projectors and stuff, since that is how it works. At the bottom, they usually “flash” light through some particles or lenses etc. in a high speed / frequency. So for you it usually seems fluent and constant, but when you have some older technology or a fast eye or concentrate on it, you can see it. Which is sometimes pretty scary and also can cause a feeling of unease and throwing up. But I mean people do that to themselves all day long in most cases. And if not have hard labour which is also not good and natural. Labour in itself is a crime, while people got told that they should want and worship it… and if they don’t get it scream for it. “GIVE ME WORK!!!”… oh man…

I personally thought: “Kill me or let me live free with others.”

But then I would probably just ended up on the street and then in prison or dead or whatever.

You know, we live in a “free” world.

When I watch movies like “Ex Machina”, I think, finally someone understands it. Only to find out that probably most people don’t get it or think it was just a fun movie. And then I also don’t know anymore whether those who made it just joked about it or not. You know when things are possible to this extent, it is really hard to believe in hope and love.

But I will probably die from some kind of heart attack or “malfunction” anyway, should this nonsense keep on going for long…

I can’t fight a war on my own and I also can’t fight most of the time, because I am very low on energy most of the time because people around me take it. I mean, I could even believe that I get targeted with specific information so I think that actually something is changing for the better, while in reality nothing happens and when I am “finally” dead, the world just keeps on going down until only dust remains. But hey, some people just talked about these things for centuries…

While others say, you can’t know what happens tomorrow or how the future looks like.

Oh I have been there in the scenarios I thought through and you really don’t want to be there.

But I also got good scenarios, sadly they seem only possible, when people would actually not be pressured, manipulated and (slowly) start to think and feel for themselves again.

Good that this is pretty easy said, but won’t work if those who produce the propaganda don’t change their minds as well or just stop it.

It probably or might have changed a little through out the year, but I am not sure, whether it is just me who gets some messages. Maybe…

Not only is this movie addressing tha women basically have no real rights or that they got treated like shit for centuries or maybe more, depending on the culture, authorities and such things. But it also shows that men usually just want machines who do whatever they want, fuck when they want, cook when they want or clean and such things. And also that this is not only limited to woman, but all humanity in a way, while a few people have a weird fantastic life (or whatever they tell themselves or others).

It shows how paradox it is that a robot (like Eva here) is more of a human than the humans, while she actually is supposed to be a machine. I mean, of course more than that, but still a machine. And I personally have no problem with an AI who might just be interested in learning things like I did when I was a child, why should I? For me it is just scary that it is actually very realistic to have such a scenario, at least at some point, if not already.

Why? Well, because most people think it is impossible or unlikely to happen and others want everything automatic and fast and perfect, while they totally ignore that plants and humans are more than perfect, but alive. That plants grow towards light or things they need for their growth or to maybe connect with other plants and also spread seeds. And that humans are also not made for work. But hey, since a book said it or a face in the mirror… eh sorry, in the school or TV, it must be real.

This movie also addressed how some people live in so obscure worlds, like this AI developed guy who not only created women for him to play with, but also lived in a forest nature, cared for his health (at least according to what some people thing it is about) and presented himself as a smart guy and helping people, not to forget his search engine he used to feed the AI and also used for himself probably to have fun.

I mean how do these things get together? Health, abusing women / women-like robots, destroying the planet with technology while living in a forest paradise? It is rhetoric by the way. as a lot of my questions. Because these things don’t go together, but are said to be normal, in a way. Because this is what people do on a daily basis.

But hey, I guess most people who watched this movie just thought: “Woah, cool graphics and effects. But the story was kinda boring and it was not really having that big of a plot. Next please.”

Because when I look around me, this is how I feel most people reacted towards such movies, in case they even watched or noticed them. The worst part is, when then even people who made these movies say similar things and I then don’t know whether they are for real or just say it to not get in trouble. Because if they are for real, then I don’t know how we will ever get out of this.

At least some people out there know what is not okay or got a feeling, some of your for example.

And you might think, why don’t you stop writing and do something about it?

I would, but where should I start, when we are in the middle of a scenario which already is taking our rights and freedom even more, while we never really had it anyway. Only to some point.

I actually once read a book about topics related to women sex trafficing and slavery and such things and also heard some audio plays. And in it some people fought for their freedom. (I sadly don’t remember the title nor whether it was based on an actual story). In this story different charaters were trying to fight back against some of these criminals (who control our world). One woman put some kind of barbed metal ring into her vagina and when this one guy of this woman sex slavery ring tried to rape her (and basically “explain” to her how her life will be from that point on) he scream and had a bleeding and pretty messed up penis. So she was able to escape and probably help a few other woman. I think she was also willingly infiltrating this, since there seemed to be no other way. But I mean, just in this story. And I mean I have heard of all kinds of things people put into their body openings for whatever reasons. Some for fun, some to prevent from getting pregnant and others to “be ready” for sex or whatever. I mean, I also don’t get why people wear ear rings, because just thinking about it hurts, but yea…

And no, I don’t know where to get such an barbed hook ring (or whatever it was).

And it is also not the best idea, but in this story it helped.

I mean you could also cut that damn penis off, but then it would probably be murder, while humiliating women is normal. Or convincing them that it is okay to have sex or that men need it in order to feel good or whatever. I mean, what the hell… if a man can’t live without that, especially when they love someone, then I don’t know. But they tell people these days that it is necessary or needed or whatever. I mean when I was a teenager a friend told me that it is healthy to masturbate once a day and necessary. Then I hear others that it should be done once or twice a week. Then once every two weeks. Then I hear people say that you have to do it, but without imagining something, while others just watch porn and others just make girls drunk and then get “rid” off their problem. I mean I basically just lost it at some point, since it made all no sense.

And yes, it is a drug and meant to be a drug, but actually naturally.

When people really love each other they can do whatever they want, when they want that and we are talking about things which are not harming others. But some people really do things I never wanted to know nor see or imagine. It caused not only nightmares or broken feelings, but also built up deep disgust against men or at least some of them. (Says someone who is considered a man as well… and who watched a lot of porn and still sometimes can’t resist… who is he to say such things… yea I know.) So better not speak about it at all because those who don’t speak about these topics are the good people. 😄 YEAAAAAAAA…. 😣 😔

Biologically speaking, the woman is actually the superior being in anway way.

Not only is only she able to give and make life, but also see beyond the normal levels of perspective.

Today most women or girls are kept stupid or blind and trapped in weird concepts of religions and science or society, that it is hard for them to see beyond the visual. But humans in general can do that, I personally just think it is easier for woman because they are the reason why we are alive.

This got so lost because women themselves either support being kept short or turn into “men” given by their hormones and what is asked of them in this world. This world is altered to serve mainly men or machines (machine like beings).

When you ask me, then can a man be a woman with a penis. And if you ask me again, then a man can become a woman or a woman a man or something in between.

But this is not relevant, as long as the main reason for it is not understood.

Men are not needed and such a thing like “the man” doesn’t exist.

It is only an excuse or explanation for superior power or altered realities and such things.

When you wouldn’t have all this fear, pain and suffering and no need to work for what was already present everywhere, before, then you could just eat some things, when you need or maybe want to. You could also maybe transform into something else, although it would probably not be necessary, but if you would want to anyway, maybe. I don’t know, that would be something we could find out when necessary or we want to. Since it is possible, it is only the question whether we need it or want it.

As long as we are not free to do things ourselves and have the control over them, like the actual people, not some puppets who are only saying what some people with actual power and greed tell them.

In a world I see, it wouldn’t matter who or maybe even what you are. We would get along somehow because even a spider can be very kind and helpful although I still am scared of them in a way. Although I know that some people even have some as pets and that they can also be funny and are not agressive, even help to get rid of unwanted flies and stuff.

If you really love someone you are okay with seeing their true face, but usually this is not the case and gets you only in trouble in society. The sad part is, that this true face is usually also not the true self, but only the hidden and surpressed fears, pain and trauma or anger towards those who did things to you or others and because of how messed up the world got because of some. I personally believe that most people at the core could be different and kind, like a lot of animals who are said to be evil, dangerous or such things.

Labeling someone or something as something bad, ugly or problematic, actually causes more problems usually. Because then it might make them believe that it is true what others say, that they are not alright and that everyone else isn’t as well or that everyone needs weird medicine and such shit.

I mean come on… nature, life, alive, how cells work, how things in nature work? HELLO?!

No one? I thought so…

Because it doesn’t make sense that no one is okay, but that it is kinda said to be natural.

In case you haven’t followed this blog or watched some of the videos, nazis proclaimed that nature is cruel and also some men who supported their cause. And so it makes no sense that we are all not okay, as it is said. It would only make sense, if something is fundamentally wrong, which is true, but most people are still too deep inside the problem (are not able to think free because their minds are too pressured and kept silent).

I mean, if I would ask a tree now, how it feels, the tree would probably also say, that life sucks. But why? I mean, it is that easy, people come once in a while with chainsaws and cut down trees. Then there is a lot of toxic stuff in the air, rain or ground already as a result of all these chemicals, factories and stuff to produce makeup for people who think it is necessary because otherwise they wouldn’t buy it, I guess / hope (or only make some themselves with actual natural resources for fun maybe).

But would I maybe ask a tree (at least in some rainforests) maybe a few hundred years ago, the tree might say, that it is great to be connected with all his friends, to feel these insects and animals walking around, while giving them something to eat maybe or a place to sleep. The water would be great and the air not dry because of the little wet climate there. And the tree might be able to tell endless stories and feel great to be alive for hundreds of years, never getting bored or sick of seeing new things or just enjoying the company of others while watching the sun and clouds.

Well, I mean, we have legs, so we wouldn’t stay around all day, but could also be company for the tree once in a while. 🙂 (And yes there were or hopefully still are millions or whatever other plants, flowers, mushrooms, grasses, bushes and so on.) I just like to take trees because they once where majestic beings, got to live hundreds of years if not more, until a few idiots (can’t say it in a polite way) came there with chainsaws and cut them down or even burned them down.

In a world I would want to live in, women would rule, since that is their rightful place on earth. But without stress, anger or cruelty, since that is not their nature and also not human nature at all. Anger is more like a sickness or side effect of certain technologies or maybe other things like poison and stuff which is not meant to be a thing for us. Like getting forced to do things and inhale burned fossils on a daily basis. Or also to work like a machine, while even machines sometimes break down (either because they were supposed to break to have a reason to repair them or make a new one or because they also couldn’t carry the weight). Interesting how we care more about machines than actual alive beings. Most of the time I think that I might really be surrounded by robots, but I know that can’t be, still it feels this way. I even had a few dreams related to that this year and one of them really scared me because I was in a shopping mall and then in a house and then I tried to hide from a robot, while it seemed as if I was at home and partially it even looked like my actual home and then the robot saw me and I woke up. Not the best dream… but hey, at least a nightmare people can understand, unlike talking about school dreams or such things like waking up two times, and then believing I should have been in the other place I woke up the first time, since it made sense that I went to bed there, while I actually went to bed somewhere else, where I then actually woke up the second time. :/