Slavery within slavery

One slave to another

First slave: At least I get paid more.

Other slave: What payment?

First slave: I was granted retirement, should I survive.

Other slave: Did anyone ever survive long enough?

First slave: I don’t know, but at least I haven’t heard that it was impossible.

Other slave: And what happens when they just cut the retirement?

First slave: Don’t talk like that.

Other slave: But I have seen them do this all the time.

First slave: At least we aren’t treated like slaves anymore.

Other slave: Yes, at least we have the right to work and get paid.

I liked the words the farmer said about that people should think about that in all they consume there is work, either exploitation or ethical one. And if that rethink doesn’t happen, that we are dead.

And then you see what happens with “Fair Trade” and such things and how earth gets exploited all the time and of course people and it seems like a joke. Because then people will just look for the label and what is said about it, but don’t think that someone else could just find ways to use these to make people not ask questions, as you have seen in a previous post.

My mother for example would of course support people who make things in a good way, but how should she do that when she also doesn’t have much. But still she donated here and there only to find out that some of these people also just use the money for themselves. And even if not, it doesn’t stop the underlying problem. That some people at the top use money as a tool of power (and not only that of course) to make us do things for them and maybe even feel important or good, when we get more of their things.

I personally wouldn’t have much of a problem with people using natural resources in a responsible way to have a living. But it is hard to explain to them, that things made out of plants and basic things you can find without much effort, should or could be the way. My mother also meant that these things at least rot and can go into earth again easily. Unlike plastics, radioactive waste, concrete and so on. In some way these things may or maybe not go away over time, but then who knows what will be then?

In the past people built houses out of earths and woods and although that might have also be a little hurting at times, at least it was near to nature, since things live and sometimes die in nature, to be at some point maybe reintegrated by nature.

If you built a house and wanted fresh water, you either digged a hole in the ground for a well, walked to a nearby river (or lake) and had some. Or you might have built some wooden water passage or maybe out of bamboo or something like that. People even risked their lives to build such water passages towards the mountains. I personally would have said, maybe go live somewhere else, but it was their choice, I guess.

In the past civilizations usually where nearby water in some form. But now it is just everywhere and even reduces the drinkable water or makes it dirty or wastes it to clean machines instead of giving living beings to drink from it.

For me it was somehow obvious, that if you would want to use machines, then at least in a way all should benefit.

And when I heard that it was too pricey to make sea water into drinkable water, I thought, is it a matter of will or resources? Because honestly, building up skyscrapers, power plants and all these fancy things, is also very expensive when you think about the human labor necessary, the logistics, the stability and so on. Wouldn’t it have been easier to stay with wide lands and trees and especially things which give food for free and water for free, like nature?

If we would all reduce our needs to what we actually need, we might even have to leave the places we previously called our home. People got so dependent on machines, technology and progress, that they forgot that without food to eat they can’t survive. But the slave keeper gives and the slave keeper promises, until one day he just vanishes and leaves all dry and empty.

What I ask myself all the time, what do people who do these things (making others work for them, do painful and dumb things, destroy nature, etc.) feel about themselves?

Probably they think that they are “the one” or that they “know how it goes”. As a child I knew that it was up to me whether I would want to make a dream reality or not. But I also thought that things should be doable and understood easy, in a way a child would want to understand it. “An apple drops, some animal eats it and at some point the seed falls on the ground and a new tree could maybe grow.”

Instead you tell them all kinds of things, but these simple and yet complex things don’t really stick or get told. Why would you, since it would make all your efforts a waste of time.

And still, one could have a garden and have some food growing in it, but even if I would want to, there would still be not much love where I live and I would still have to pay for the land.

You know, it is even not really wanted that people live in the forest, since they could disturb the animals. And then I ask myself whether they even know me. I mean, the animals didn’t even notice me when I was a few meters away from them. Only when I was afraid for a second or use a flash light at some points, they of course ran away. But then hunters can walk there and shoot them. I don’t understand… I mean I do, but it just doesn’t make sense, but people think it does.

(You can’t stop talking humanity down, can you?)

I can’t stop because it hurts me and earth immensely.

But the worst part is, that usually the people with the fewest risk (for themselves) get the most things.

It is especially heart-breaking that people who would otherwise be able to have a life and might even be happy or safe with the little they have, have to suffer and do more until they can’t.

Why is it that the people in cities get a lot of money and also pay a lot for things usually (like rents), but we still have such problems?

I for example would love to make fruits and vegetables grow and what else is there or just try to ensure these things. And I wouldn’t want anything in return, if I could just live without the need to do this or that or have this and that. This earth is here for everyone, but not everyone is here for this earth. Yes a cheap sentence, but look, whether I cut down one tree or maybe even just take a tree that already has fallen down because of a storm or lightning, or I just cut down plenty of them only to dig holes to get metals. I think this one tree is okay, don’t you think? But hey… I wouldn’t want to cut down any tree, it is just a way to maybe slowly get to a way of living we all could accept and be part of. At least all who still have some kind of heart in their chest and some kind of sense.

Some people live with spiders, scorpions and snakes sometimes passing through their stay and people in cities or the west often have a problem just seeing these or other animals, as if all of these were wrong or something… I mean, as animals (not some psychological or metaphorical descriptions or whatsoever) they just walk around and search for food or maybe somewhere to spent some time. Usually when you leave them be, they let you be as well. As long as you aren’t their typical meal, of course.

And most things which promise freedom, peace or such things are fake or do the opposite.

I would really want a world in which we might be able to live together with nature and maybe, have some fun together. For example playing a game when you only have things nature has to offer and also could be reused or “undone” later, just take some things you might find in a forest or on the floor.

You can take some fallen seeds of bushes and trees, some stones and sand or earth.

You could draw a game map in the sand and use stones or such to be the figures or whatever. Like building sand castles. You do it for fun, typically knowing that they won’t last long, but you might enjoy building them and play with them for some time and look how the water flows and rushes towards the walls to slowly wash them away again. Would you have a whole lot of trees nearby and other plants, you might be able to do this all day long. Eating a few fruits once in a while or maybe catch some fish and sit near the water or walk around. Or wherever you might want to stay. Some places might need more effort, some maybe less, but as long as you would know that you could do it all the time and maybe those who might or might not live there after you, wouldn’t that be great?

Instead we build more cities, more cars, more and faster and faster. For what? For whom?

If I would have water nearby, I could wash myself and clean myself and drink. And in the end a few leaves from a tree to wash my ass after I might have had to take a poop, would have been enough, instead of fancy white paper or rubbing gray. People use to forget that at some point, at least from what I know, these things came from nature as well in form of trees, or some other plants.

Did you know that hemp / cannabis was banned because you could make clothes, medicine and paper and such things out of it and it was growing fast? Or at least something like this. Only because some people thought: “No, I want to have a wood business and built up all these machines not to be thrown over by simple plants everyone could grow and use for most their daily needs! BAN IT! BAN IT!” And then they found out that smoking some kinds of it could have weird hallucinations and stuff (according to people, I really don’t know, but it must be) and so they could legally take over the whole thing. This of course didn’t stop people from growing or selling it in secret and of course smoke it, but the actual main reason would have been to make it hard to make things out of it. At least from what I have heard. Since when you ban all of these plants it doesn’t matter whether you want to smoke them (I never wanted that, although I would have probably got addicted, either to tobacco or cannabis), but who cares, right? And if you could grow them and be responsible with it, where is the problem? I mean people get drunk all the time and it is legal to have alcohol and destroy your liver, why is it a problem to want to make your own paper or clothes at home and don’t rely on big markets?

And don’t come with the: “Then just do it!”

You know, that it doesn’t work like that. As long as not most or all of us rethink and pay attention to the basics and simple things, we really are dead pretty soon, even if we should be technically still alive. Like some brain-dead people connected to machines in a hospital. It isn’t a life, but it shouldn’t have come this far in the first place.

(But your points aren’t new and you aren’t really doing much to ensure our future and change the world accordingly.)

I did so many things no one saw or even thinks about to hopefully find a way. But in the end I could only get back to myself and stop hurting myself and give the others out there who see the struggles, the misery and madness a chance and some ideas maybe, some hope… I don’t know.

I was very excited and happy about nature as a kid and learned to respect it and also love it.

And just me being happy and taking everyone as they were, when they were alone with me or in small groups, was enough for others at times to be optimistic. I just don’t like it when I always seem to have to stand in-between people or things. Why can’t I just be with all the people and just decide by heart and sense with whom I might not want to be (people who just can’t stop hurting and abusing everything and everyone around them, even when they got the chance to stop).

Trying to become like these people was something I tried real bad because I thought that I had to be worse than them in order to overthrow them. But I just couldn’t do it because instead of that I just wanted to be there for others and help them or work with them, when they wanted to do things which were really helping everything, people, earth, animals …

I know that you might not believe me, it doesn’t matter. I destroyed myself and now I heal myself again.

I might still sometimes be angry, but I wouldn’t be, if I would be where people would just be happy about having each other and be good to each other and earth. But please, don’t bury sacrifices in earth for mother earth … it is like giving back a present. And sacrificing beings is also not a thing you should do. You might only sacrifice your time and energy to do something good for others. I was always happy when I could help others.

It is just impossible for me to do things when they are based around money or the need for documents no one really cares about in the end. Especially when you have something to say. Always the same story, the bad people support each other and make the others do what they want.

What I thought to be sad about what the man from the video wanted for the people was electricity.

Because it isn’t that good for the environment.

You might have seen the wind mills, but they also come with a price.

People tend to just think and calculate within their systems, but at the end there are always people who have to make these, a lot of energy has to be used and so on.

Instead of maybe reducing our needs or make sure that the things which might actually make us happy as watching the waves at sea or the animals fly and jump around. If I would then really still need electricity, I might just make it myself.

I am not sure whether people these days (in the cities) know that a bicycle doesn’t need a battery to give light, because the one I got at some point from my grandfather already relies on batteries.

So in case I would want some light, I might just use something like this (dynamo) or maybe just my body energy, since it might also be electrified at times.

It has to come from somewhere.

The more dependent we make ourselves, the less rights we have. At least when we continue living in these systems and world in which only those who can speak well, smile for the cameras and have their “snake” friends survive until they die as well.

An insect might just walk around and don’t think much or feel like we do. I don’t know, but at least they typically don’t get to the moon, no matter how high or big their cities might grow, until some animal might eat them as snack.

When there is a little fire, some things might die, but it wouldn’t last for long and not destroy earth. But when the plants instead of having water, get dryer and dryer and the environment more toxic, where does it lead if not our end?

Yes, I am human, at least my body seems to be of human kind.

Yes, I didn’t do much to stop it, but then it would be like telling a tree why it doesn’t defend itself against people who want to cut it down. But would the tree then kill these people the humans would probably burn it or shoot at it with their tanks or air strikes or as they did with chemical weapons. Just because the tree dared to protect itself and its kind. Or when an animal bites a human for getting too close, being a threat, some also get shot… even humans…

If you shoot a mafia boss or just beat them up, all you get is prison, if they didn’t kill you before that. All they get is freedom to do as they please. Take the bosses of big corporations and you have the same.

But then tell me, how should you stop them, when they always buy themselves out and always have excuses?

Only hearts and minds with a sense can change things.

I can’t do much, I can only try to stay and be there.

But when I could build up all my anger against those who really never stop, I might lose myself completely. I didn’t came here to fight, I came to stay and to be with those who have all the time.

And then we could either talk all day about dreams, walk all day to see a marvelous landscape or just look in the sky. And on another day we might just look where we could get something to eat or make something, letting it grow in the soil with what nature offers.

Instead people want the same as others, while having it all fast and faster, ignoring that their way needs others to suffer and also nature itself to come to an end.

If we would finally actually work hard, not in pointless office buildings talking about pointless data, but to restore and protect our nature, we might only have a hard few years or decades ahead, but then we might be able to live together with it all. But instead it seems that we want to die all together, blindly falling, blindly burning until nothing is left.

“The father said we have to work hard!”

“The factory owner made us work hard.”

“After hard work we earned our stay.”

And then a storm washed it all away because there weren’t any trees, any rocks, nothing truly solid and all the hard work was for nothing.

Why do we make it all this hard for nothing?

I could help and carry bags and do this and that and I would, if I would know that it would make sense for once. If it would just be to carry water for others to drink, I would carry it, as much as I would be able to. But all they want are papers, skills, education, certain experiences, languages, and all these things… and then, what happens when the water they get is poisoned or such? Then they all die or would be left without water. Wells get closed, rivers turned into canals, free water sources claimed or said to be dirty and the dirt filled with chemicals…

I ask myself, what do these people at the top do, when it all would stop working? If nothing would work anymore? Would they sit in their spaceships and eat food made out of their own shit only to eat and shit and eat and shit all day? Only to fly to a new planet to destroy it as well or die before they even reach it?

We can live with nature and still be good to each other and strong as well.

We can protect those who might not be as strong with muscles, but in spirit and warm our hearts.

And instead of meat we might eat other things, it is possible, animals do it as well.

And if then some animals would still eat others, who knows. But would things get out of hands, we could still intervene. Humans are very good at that anyway, but usually in a negative way, because those who would try in another way are either not listened to or even get killed or passively ignored until they might lose all their hope in despair.

Should I die, then so it would be, I wished for it all the time anyway.

But what I wouldn’t want is, that others who suffered their whole life to suffer even more or evermore.

Especially when they wouldn’t want to do the same to others.

For me it is just so pointless, that I would do all the horrible things to myself or let them happen, if I would just know that then things would be better for the others. But it shouldn’t be that we now all want to have the standards of those who just use others either actively or passively.

People don’t even think about all the dependencies.

When there is a big villa you need someone to build the walls, to build the pipes towards the house, the solar panels, get the resources out of the earth, melt them, transport all of it, give all of these people something to drink and eat (hopefully) build factories to make these things, care for the waste material (usually they just throw it away somewhere or burry it… yea…) and then also maintain some of it regularly and so on. And don’t forget, for every road there was built a lot of animals, trees and insects had to die, people had to work there either with machines or bare hand.

I mean, just think about all these things and how little if even they thought about consequences. If even they probably just thought about the consequences for the buildings or roads, trying to make them as “comfortable” and solid and secure as possible, not a single plant should get through them. At least when they were really serious about it.

And then I just walk around on my little grass area, I wanted to have, without any shoes and think: “Why inventing streets to invent shoes?” and sit down on the piece of wood and burn a tick my cat dropped wrapped in a piece of paper…

What a waste… why do ticks exist, these little things digging into your skin and sucking blood just to get more of their kind.

What nature thinks about me when it sees me?

The door is open, the sun shines, no need for lights, no need for electricity, just for my computer, to write to you, for the phone I don’t want, since I am scared each time it makes sound.

Outside the neighbor children play and seem to have a good time in their garden.

One of the company owners sold one of his vehicles it seemed and it just hurt to listen to the conversation. Not all of it, but most of it. I wasn’t sure what to think, I was just happy they didn’t see me there or letting me sit in my living room. But I don’t live in my living room, my bed room. I only hide, only sleep or scream inside or cry and weep. Only outside I live, be it day or night. No light at night, I don’t need them. What for are there stars shining from afar, what for do my eyes adjust to the light? Others have sun glasses for summer and night goggles for the night and flash lights and street lights and all these things. But then these all come with a cost, far beyond the number on a paper or screen. And my eyes don’t come with a price like that. The only price they needed was the love my mother had for me and food she needed to give me energy to develop inside her. And a little time until I could receive the light from outside.

I can see what you might see on your screen right now in front of my inner eye(s), whether I close my eyes or not. So why would I need all these things to do what I already can for me, in a way nature might die?

I surely have not all answers, it would be terrible for one human being to have to carry such a burden. But I have some and I know together we could make it. I just don’t understand, I really don’t understand what it takes to make the people on the top of these systems cry or at least be honest.

There just was a bumblebee in the house, at least it seemed like one, it came to me and flew around the table, the computer and around me. It searched for the exit, probably by accident flew inside. It flew around and around, but didn’t go back towards the door it entered nor the open window in my room. Instead it flew deeper into the house away from it. So I followed it patiently and with caution, since I didn’t want to scare it or hurt the bumblebee. I walked past it into the kitchen/eating room and open the window. The bumblebee was stuck in the corridor and moved around in circles touching the walls and humming around. I focused my thoughts on it, told it to come towards me, to the window and not long after, in a fast turn, it flew past me and straight through the window. Just entered the room and flew out faster then I could see. I just heard the bee go past me and out.

Maybe it was me, maybe it was just the wind and the bumblebee being higher up than before in the other room, so she could catch the wind and follow it. I don’t know. But usually when I focus on the insects and animals it is easier for me and them, when I tried to help them. And when I didn’t focus they just ran around.

Why do I have to get on the edge and want to destroy everything at times, when I don’t even want to hurt little insects at times? Although I know that it might not matter or some animals or people would eat them. While I also might eat things made of these.

Only to see how women are treated, people who at least wouldn’t want to hurt their own or how animals get held in cages, sometimes people as well…

Why do they feel better near me? Why do they trust me, at least some of them?

I am just a human who is terrified by its own kind and by the things some of them take for granted, while others just wish to be able to live for themselves.

A child or some people probably are dying or have poison in their body, because I have a some matches to light a candle. Some bees worked hard for the wax and some people made these candles either themselves or in a factory. Some people even spent a lot of time to put all kinds of forms and picture like things on some candles. They seem to be to valuable to simply burn them.

But then, would all of this have been made in joy and in a way harmonic with the bees and nature. Why wouldn’t we just make a lot of candles to only light them up when we need them or to see how fire can’t get enough, until the candle is no more.

And then I talk about candles and pictures or patterns people carve into them, when others just light them, throw them away or don’t even see the point in making a candle. Maybe even calling me evil for lighting a candle, while they live with technologies and things we will have a hard time to get rid of or even transform back into something nature could easily reuse.

Tooth paste, tooth brush, even electric,

all these phones, these cars, this hectic…

When I walked 30 kilometers with a backpack and only drank a can soup I carried with me, I was of course exhausted and my feet were hurt, but I walked and it took some hours, but I wanted to. Well mainly to suffer and maybe go die in the forest, but then I went on because one car of the hundreds that past me stopped, even a sports car and someone cared for me, but I refused to drive with, because I had to make the walk.

My mother just came home and made me feel bad again because she cleaned buildings again to get money to pay for the bills and the super market food and I didn’t. And told me that I am just like my father and the youth and don’t want to do hard work…

I can hunger, I can withstand acid for a while, thirst for some days, my body devouring itself… WHAT DO YOU WANT!? I can’t make the trees grow back, I can’t make the government stop doing stupid things and companies even more stupid things and everyone stop ignoring the consequences of their actions. I AM JUST A STUPID VILLAGE GUY WHO HAD FUN COLLECTING STRAWBERRIES, POTATOES, APPLES AND SOME GLASS BOTTLES DRUNK PEOPLE THREW IN THE FOREST… AS A CHILD. Someone who questioned how the devices work everyone around used but didn’t really know how to use or even how they are made at core. So please, please I don’t want to live here anymore…

Mother complaining about the house to be clean, father complaining about things no one needs and me unable to move because no matter what I would do, it wouldn’t matter.

I just want to cut open my arm right now…

The dishwasher spitting out hot water mixed with cleaning chemicals you can smell in the air…

The car… and mother still wants a new one, complaining that she needs one to move, but when I get her to walk with me, after a lot of effort from my side, she can even walk some kilometers with me, sometimes even with ease… and she eats way more than she needs out of frustration making things harder for her and I have been there as well. She first hungered and then ate too much and for me it was the other way around. But I can eat what I need, would I just not have to think about all these things the whole time. Knowing that those who should or claim to think, are only looking at some fancy screens and talk with a few people and then enjoy their important lives, while nothing really changes, as you have probably seen by now. I mean, nothing for the better, only for worse.

Only these small changes …

Why couldn’t the people just accept that we are all living beings and a little movement of the body is okay, but all these dependencies are not… with a new car come new problems.

Without a car you can only blame your legs from failing…

And even though I willingly didn’t care about my body and tried to destroy it, it carries me for long paths sometimes and might carry me for a long time.

I want to be far away from here. Would even catch fish for some islanders, would get some fruits or work on a field, but it would never end this pain, when everything has to be around dependencies no one needs. Nature doesn’t need us, but we need nature. Foolish that we try to destroy it, while we should help it. Nature only needs us to help it now because we destroyed a lot of it and continue.

My mother wants a car to drive around. But I never wanted a car not even wanted to learn to drive.

Do you know how a bicycle is made?

Why do people think that I am like my parents?

Why does my father say I am on my mothers side?

Why does she say I am like my father?

When all I want would be them both to stop hurting me, while the trees die in the garden or he cuts them broken and I don’t want to plant a single plant when I always get told that mother had to work to get money because she needed to get money to earn money to get food from super market to earn money, to pay electricity bills to watch videos to escape reality to earn money to need more… and a car to drive there…

And I just wanted to walk and plant things and harvest and let the things go back to nature more and more. Doesn’t a tree grow on its own? Don’t some even produce or store water?

Why am I being judged for thinking about our future by my own mother and why does she still think I don’t want to do things? Is it because she got told for decades that this is how things are and because everyone around her did suffer and make things in hard ways?

But why let it out on me, especially when I know how things should be and when I could make it happen with others would the main problem be gone – people who want us to use currencies and money so they can throw us out of their system as soon as we don’t have anything left or don’t do as they say… only to make everyone follow these systems, since they need to make everyone suffer OR WHAT?!

I can’t plant things in my garden because even though it is mine, it would still be judge about and probably changed by my parents. So why should I even try. Especially when the soil is probably not really good anymore … Live was easier without all these machines… but hey WE NEED THEM TO MAKE EVERYTHING HARDER, to proclaim that everything is easier. Wow…


It is pointless to want what I want because no one wants an easy and meaningful life with both some useful exercises, like ensuring food from trees which would last forever hopefully, and some fun to dream away or play around. (And countless other plants you can eat as well.)

The trees would usually handle themselves, when they are diverse and can freely develop. The bushes as well, all you would need to is collect and maybe make something out of it or just eat it as it is. And let the rest be eaten by animals so they have their share. (Like it was in this videos from Australia for example, although they of course had technology as well, but at least they had a food forest there. Even if in reality it might have been a little different there.) It just made way, way more sense than most of the other things people told or promised…

But I can’t make that happen were I live right now, even if I would want to. It is impossible because I either have not enough space or would still have to pay for the land. I could sell some of the food maybe, but it wouldn’t stop other people from continuing as they do and yea… I just simply have no land and the small garden (which would be huge for some people) could only give space for a handful of trees, but since those which were already there were mostly cut broken or cut down by my father, I don’t see much hope here. I mean, how should I explain to my father and mother that I wouldn’t want to cut the tree and also let them not do it? My father would say: “If you don’t do it, I have to do it.” and mother would say: “You can’t let it grow naturally, you have to bring it in form.” And it makes sense that I got crazy as a child… 😀 because I was growing naturally and learning on my own, but that wasn’t okay. Would mother not always have to go to work and not care about stupid papers and father stop living in his dream world in which he only has to wait for death and care for himself, things he doesn’t need and religious texts people give him…

If I could be sure that no one would touch the trees (okay, they can touch the tree with their hands, if they want, but I mean like cutting around on it or whatever) then I would of course just plant some and wait for them to grow.

But then mother told me that I should wait for fall and other people said it, but now I am doing nothing again because I wait for the right time.

Mother just can’t stop caring about things she shouldn’t care about and making me feel bad about thinking and caring about things which make sense in the long run. And yes, I can do things in the meantime, but when the dishes always get washed in the dishwasher and it needs fancy cleaning chemicals and mother always gets things from the super market, while I don’t even want to go near it anymore and it is hard and exhausting for her, how would it ever end?

What would she do when there would be any electricity? No oil? Nothing?

She knows herself that then her whole life wouldn’t work anymore. But I know that things could still work, would we not live in this place here or would people stop making places like this or worse, cities…

When can I finally stop using my computer and have to think about these things and watch them, either through the videos or just in my head, as it doesn’t really matter that much.

When can I just dream and do necessary things even having fun doing them maybe?

(Stop being pathetic, everyone has to suffer and then earth ends and it was all pointless, yay)

No, I don’t want that, especially when it could be so easy to stop it and not have that really.

Just stop the need for more and more and just get through a probably short time of suffering and pain (the time it might take to get away from the drugs – some sweets and snacks and foods are more addictive than some illegal drugs… yep…). After that most of the things will seem so irrelevant, so far away and you might enjoy looking at a tree for some hours or a few flowers as if you have never seen them. Well, I did when I was little, but then you know… death and (self-)destruction…

Maybe I should start focusing on trees soon and make them walk…

And should some of these things aren’t presenting the world as it is, then I would like to know how you see it. But so far it always came down to greed and people wanting things. Others have only to realize that it can’t go on like this forever and we should stop “upgrading” and instead get back down on earth. At least I assume that we all live here??? No? Our bodies…