Memory problems and family history (again)

I already wrote some times about my family, but maybe I should write about it again.

Because I got confused a little and we talked about it again with my mother, she should actually write it down, since she remembers it better than me, but that is that.

This time just about her father and her mother.

Both of them were born in the Ukraine, their families were there because of trasika Katharina who was also german and wanted germans to come to the country to make it fruitfull, since there was a lot of land which was not in good shape.

But after the so called revolution, there was of course trouble.

So they were looking forward to go back to their origins around german territory.

When then WWII was happening and the germans were going towards Russia, the Ukrainian people were welcoming them (as well as some other regions / countries). Because they didn’t know what some people there were planning and propagated and had planned. So they tried to get towards the germans, since they thought they would free them from the gone mad russians. And a few german soldiers were actually friendly and didn’t want anything from them, since they had seen them as friendly people. But then an officer appeared and shouted at the soldiers for whatever reasons, while they had done nothing wrong. Then one of the family, I think the mother of my grandfather shouted back at this officer that he should be ashamed for treating his men like them. Since they are fight for him, so it made no sense to go against them. (if they would have known…)

And I think the family gave these soldiers or maybe others a dog, since they weren’t allowed to have them with them, but soldiers could have. So they meant, that they might meet again at some point. But then later they got a message from them, that the dog at some point ran away.

Well, and then instead of being saved by the germans, they were force to work for them and sent to Germany via train. My grandfather was maybe 13 or something, my mother also didn’t remember the years, since during the war things happened in way. He then was sent to this “Hitlerjugend” with other boys and girls, while they then were separated.

The rest of the family, his older brothers and father and so on, were sent to work for a german farmer.

This man treated them like shit, called them names like “Russenpack” (russian scum) and such things, while they had to live with him and care for his animals and stuff. At one point one of my grandfather’s brothers had enough, when this guy threw their father out of the house after a talk, as if he could just do that with anyone. This brother could have probably beaten this man to death, but his father held him back. And the wife of this german nazi farmer guy called “Fritz komm rein!” (Fritz get in!), yes this guy really was named like this…

He later even called the police. But luckily for my family the police was on their side in this case.

Meanwhile was my grandmother somewhere in Poland with her family.

And my grandfather was in this Hitler-youth thing. They were sleeping in big rooms with bunk beds or something. For him everything seemed fun and interesting, since they didn’t really knew much.

Well, there is one interesting thing to say. There was a nurse from the red-cross working there. And sometimes she would take some ash from the oven when the boys were asleep and then she went and drew a mustage on all of them. During the morning routine, when they had to show themselves (like the good soldiers they were meant to be) she would say: “Who drew you that mustages?” and laughed (I guess she either tried to tell them something or got a little crazy – like me – and couldn’t handle the level of madness and tried to cheer herself up or something). At one point my grandfather stood awake and then found out about it. Then she told him, that he shouldn’t tell anybody. He didn’t, but when the next day she again made her joke and asked about it, he said: “You did it.” and after that she didn’t do it again. My grandfather was just honest about it and curious. :/

When then later the Americans were approaching, this farmer guy tried to escape somewhere and even made them help him with his cattle.

My grandfather then had the german nationality at some point and maybe also the rest of the family, but it was complicated. My grandmother also was in some books while being in Poland.

But after all what happened to them with the germans, who they thought to be their helpers, since they didn’t know what some of them were doing or think, they weren’t all that happy about being there. From the other side the Russians then came in as well. My grandmothers family first tried to run away from them as well, but at some point they literally had to wave a white flag or some cloth or whatever, so they wouldn’t be shot dead. Since for them people running away, meant enemies and some other people were just driven over or shot, who didn’t make it. So they surrendered. Later they told them, that their former home was waiting, since some years before the war they were living in the Ukraine and therefor Russia (you know…). And I don’t know exactly how my grandfathers family got there, but basically the russians convinced them that they could get back to their land or whatever. So my grandmother and grandfather’s families ended up in the same train at some point.

But instead of some land or something, they sent them to this exile / banishment thing, where they forced them to work for them. Wonderful, isn’t it?

From one forced labor to the next. And well, they got together, married somehow and in this damned place gave life to my mother. When she was two they went to Kazakhstan and then after some years, they got to Latvia, Estonia and then in 1976 back to Germany.

Interestingly, because they were mentioned in some german books, they got so called “Heimkehrergeld” (home comer money – meant for those who got back after war), although they actually weren’t really allowed to get it, since they were not really coming home in a way. Since they barely were even living in Germany and so on. But they had to survive somehow. And in history lesson I also learned that in some cases people even told land to have been theirs multiple times, which at some point got noticed, but yea…….


Man, I am really confused and messing up my families history and a lot of other things. My mother should really write about it, but she doesn’t write that much and also has not really motivation, understandably … having this son like me and this man who isn’t a man… 😣

My grandfather went working hard for his family, his wife with eight children.

My mother also went to work for the family from a young age on.

All for the family. And now she has literally nothing.


And if the world continues like this, we soon all have nothing, when people either start stupid wars again, we don’t stop making people work for others in dependencies like for this “coins” which can only be used in the stores of those who… you know what I mean.

My other grandfather who lived her in Germany, who’s house I live in with my mother, he had everything to live for the times. A house, food in the garden, a forest for wood (although of course trees have feelings and I now wouldn’t want to cut them down, but maybe I could have went there to be alone and calm) and even something to collect rain water, although it of course maybe should be boiled or filtered before drinking.

So he actually had everything one needs to live a life. And then my father happened and convinced him to sell all this land for basically nothing, so it was back where it belonged (other family members) who later also didn’t really want it anymore… wow. While I and my cousins would have probably been able to actually do something with that land. But hey, it doesn’t matter, in case some people would finally realise that if earth is dead, we are dead (but not necessarily the other way around and most-likely without us earth could come back?) Or not? You know, I thought that maybe from next year on I will stop using my computer, but will of course write that again, so everyone who wants to know will know.

And then I will maybe just do what I wrote previously, sitting on a bench in the forest and waiting. Also maybe playing some old games with my mother or reading books. In case I find my books from when I was younger, since after our moving we didn’t really looked for these things and just were busy with surviving (or in my case – dying).


Not much has changed, I guess, at least from what I see with my own eyes where I live.

I mean Netflix shows like American Horror Story tried to tell people, a lot of others as well.

I can only hope some of it got through.

I don’t think my heart will be able to handle this another year.

I sometimes got very cold again and struggled with temperature, although it was warm.

If all or at least most people would focus on things like nature, the planet, animals, water, food, rain, trees, you name it. And how to make it survive and get strong again, then we could do it.

In some regions there still are plants and trees. But it also depends on the kinds of trees. Mixed forests might be better than these (mainly for harvesting) planted ones who are all the same.

The mixture of things usually helped to make things better in the long run.

Alone none of us can survive.

And my mother worries about some birds. She rarely sees some of the for german or european forests known birds anymore. There are a lot of these sparrows with their swarm like mentality, but not so many other birds. When I was little we still saw all kinds of birds, but it gets less. At least some bees had some flowers in our garden and maybe some other animals could find shelter, like these hedgehogs. 😦


So you got three days (from publication of this post).

And in case nothing major happens where I am, I will stop using the computer from the 18th January on.

Maybe check for messages once a week, until I got through everything (usually not that much) and then turn it off again.

I personally know how much energy technology can consume. I know that, but for me it seemed all lost anyway because I thought it was impossible to explain it to those who should understand it.

Sorry for my weirdness, for all this crazy mess of a blog and me being the crazy guy I am.

I just want nature to survive, nothing more.

My life and I was garbage anyway for the most part.