The story about a man from Syria who is in Germany for 5 years now, separated from his wife. He tried several things, but had no luck so far. Even had to take hours and “relearn” his original profession, to proof it to the german authority. He did all this, works and also wanted all that to be independent. But after all this time and with his wife still being in danger, with the ongoing wars, he asks for help.
This just shows (german) bureaucracy at its best, again…
I mean, this is just one of many cases in which good people were either not let in the country, thrown out again or simply drained empty (in a way), until they either gave up or worse. He is physiotherapist (something related to body movement problems as far as I know, if not, at least something which is needed) and his wife is english teacher, actually pretty good and important as well. Multi-lingual, engaged and all, but it wasn’t possible to get his wife and him together again, after 5 years.
Not to forget a case in which a man was willingly helping children with disabilities, they liked him a lot and everyone was glad he was here. But the authorities wanted him to be expelled. Sadly I don’t know what happened to him in the end, I hope he could stay, since it was a few years ago. Or the case of a young man from Afghanistan who I know personally. A great, loyal, kind and trustworthy man. He is working at a bakery, likes to play football and has a heart for children and people in general. They also wanted him to be expelled because of confusion about his documents or whatever, but my aunt and uncle (where he lived for a while) were helping him and also the manger or boss of the bakery he is working for.
And many more cases. I even remember a case, I think it was a russian family or at least from a russian speaking country. These bureaucrats “played” with their family until they got hopeless and I am not sure, but I think one of them ended their life. The whole family was broke… all just because a few people had a problem with whatever. Probably their coffee or the “whiteness” of their paper, I can only assume.
And the worst part is, that the people working on such cases are not all bad, but often just not powerful enough or encouraged to make a change. But there are also some people who actually try to make a good job and really get people here, help them to integrate and support them, like my aunt and uncle and other people I know or my mother. Who sometimes helps or tries to help the refugees in our village, besides her actual work, cleaning…
Probably it is her russian-german heart or mentality. A lot of germans just don’t really care and I was one of them. Not because I knew too little, but because I knew or understood too much and had seen too much. A deadlock in my mind, which actually made me wish to die, since it made me feel already dead anyway.
As if I can’t change a thing, but it was wrong, luckily.
And I am very happy whenever I am wrong about something, when things get better this way in the long run.
It isn’t what I speak or write or do which I am worried about to be right or wrong, it is what is in my head, but I can’t show or explain just like that. You can call everything I did wrong, but it wouldn’t change what is in my head. This statement, that humans usually take and destroy, instead of giving and creating or just letting things be. So often I wished that some of the people who drive these expensive cars, build this ugly looking skyscrapers (and such things), would be thrown into a war zone or face death every day of their life. Or just something like this, until they realize what they are doing and stop it. In some way this might have happened to some people, but we are still not where I would say, that I can finally accept that I am “wrong” for good.
I hate to be right about something, while usually the most mind-blowing things stay in my mind.
This year a lot of it came out (already) and more things developed or changed.
One thing is clear, I don’t want to be responsible for all life in the universe. Then I would probably had a “good” reason to go insane for some time(s). I am always happy when something is less dramatic, painful and exhausting or “doom-like” than it seems. A lot of my life time (so far) I sadly had too many reasons to believe that it is lost. I am a coward, I know. You can’t really rely on me, it seems. But when I know I could actually help, I tried my best, when I was actually able to and not too exhausted. I sometimes just don’t know when “running away” is okay and when it isn’t. Like a tactical retreat, instead of a scared and hopeless move. My life usually seems as if I am “running”, while hiding in my “cave”. And the more I “run” the more pain I get, while not running away would give me the same. So why do I “run” or I should say, why did I run away so far?
Because I felt as if I wouldn’t make it anyway.
Because I thought that I won’t be allowed to be myself anyway.
Because I realized that most people (or all) are trapped in some way. And if not, then they get in such a situation, because others want power or whatever it is they think they are doing or need.
When one “warrior” runs away from a million, it is understandable.
But if the same then turns around, it is seen as crazy.
Think about it. Because when there should be no other way to help your people, why would you not do it?
If by chance, this way, you might be able to confuse the enemy for just a few seconds. Long enough for the others to prepare and fight back.
I just didn’t know if they were actually there, so I kept running, since I thought it was already over.
It is good to hear a viking horn, when all you heard before was screaming and rattling metal.
Of course metaphorical, although… 😀
And no, I am not talking about cruel and brutal vikings. More something like big teddy flower vikings mabe? 😆 😅 💕