Since there is no clear point to the things I write, because apparently everyone is totally fine, let us get back to the reason I started this.

I didn’t really understand the world around me, but look, we are not alone around here.

The thing is, she knows how it works or could know, but doesn’t want it, since she can just use her own mind and do the things she would want or need there. Or wherever that would be. 🙃

Playing the idiot role is always a great thing, but at some point it just gets frustrated, especially when it seems to be never ending.

X: Why do you use a computer then?

Because wherever I go, people seem to expect me to do things, while I just think, why do they do that or want that, when they could just live without all these problems. Oh wait, I forgot. Taxes and laws we all needed.

X: Yes, without them, we would all be wild animals running around, so we need them to do stupid things or do animal things anyway, only to later be able to explain why and what and how.

It was pretty difficult for me to understand why people did continue in their form of madness, but I suppose it was because they were afraid of themselves.

Okay, I know what you think, a monk, what does he have to say and what does he know.

Well, at least it makes more sense what he says or shows, than what most people do or want.

The strangest part about the video was the car in the background slowly passing by.

You might think that it was just a coincidence, but it actually happened to be a clear representation of the interpreter of the video or the trend of the overall society (it seemed).

Monk: No, I actually didn’t even notice the car at first, it really just was there just because I was filming it with a camera team near a street.

Oh… well, I really shouldn’t over interpret everything. But this is what this world made me do because even if I would just do what I want (nothing, really) I would at some point have to run away again and again or explain myself with words, while I don’t like words and so on.

Reader: You really use a lot of words for someone who doesn’t like them.

I decided to give people so many words that they have no other choice than ignoring them at some point.

Reader: A failed experiment.

I bet…

And to answer the question: “Where are you going?”

Nowhere, that is the problem, but only because the goal was nothing.

Reader: I don’t understand.

Okay… so since I am the idiot.

Reader: Sure thing. 😀

Yes… I know. Okay. So since I am that and we both know that you know the more important things, why is it that we are all still having the same ways of life here? Traditions and technologies and this and that?

Reader: People stick to what they know when they are afraid and want an easy solution or don’t want to grow beyond their horizon.

I know, but my horizon is pretty small really. I mean, I just want to be all day surrounded by nature.

Reader: So why don’t you do that?

Look, there are streets, buildings, cables, tubes, radio waves …

Reader: Okay, okay, I know that. I know all that. Stop making it seem that you think that I am stupid, while you know that it isn’t the case and if even you are the one with the problem.

Yes, okay… sorry…

Reader: And you forgot documents and bills and this and that.

Yes… we already have been through this for so many times now.

Reader: Yes. So what is your escape plan?

When September doesn’t bring the wished result, I will probably just go for a long, long, long, very long walk.

Reader: And where would you be heading?

It would depend, I might first head towards Austria, then try to somehow get through there and reach Romania.

Reader: Why that?

Because this way I maybe or maybe not would be able to meet some people who would probably not want to see me, but at least they would have a chance to do so, in case I would really go for it.

Reader: Why do you think that they wouldn’t want to see you, when you would want to see them and don’t expect a thing?

Mainly because I made myself into something what was by many people supposed to be unwanted, to feel how it must be to be alone. Because I didn’t have that before, since yes, I just saw other people and that they were just being around like me, only different from me maybe, I don’t know. And I just couldn’t understand why some people said some things about some people or thought or did and why all of the world was focused on things which were either based around things which made no sense, where painful, destructive or just frustrating. Since I got in there too deep, I might be at a point where I found the main problem because I didn’t have these before, except for the “I have a problem with reproduction but wish I wouldn’t have it” – that was an early thing, but I also could have gotten over it early on, if I would not have understood, that then I would have no problem.

Reader: So you love problems?

No, the problem with problems is the problem. When you give people a problem they usually can’t solve it because they aren’t meant to really have any.

Reader: Okay, you are just talking about upper class men for the most part.

Probably. But you never know. And it isn’t just man or something.

There once was a time when you were able to walk around and just get water and food wherever you went, since there were either some rivers or lakes or rain from above and so on.

Reader: You really do live in a dream world.

Then explain to me what most of the other people do and tell me that they aren’t.

Reader: Yes, it is a relative thing.

But the problem with it is, that at some point earth needs to heal and it needs to heal a lot.

Someone: But we give it time to heal and then we cut again.

Did you ever consider that maybe not cutting would be a solution as well?

Someone: But this way we would have to reduce all of our consumption and wouldn’t have all these great things.

You mean the things which give me the chills, make my heart feel a lot of pain and make my mind do complete crazy things?

Someone: But that is just your problem.

😀 I imagine earth in that conversation.

People: It is your problem when you feel hurt by our actions.

Earth: But you do know that I can wipe you out at any moment and that I should have, but my nature was to be kind?

People: Well, that is your problem.

Earth: creates THE tsunami

People: Oh my GOD! GODZILLA!!! running around in panic

Reader: Chatting without yourself again… huh?


Oh hey look, another video in which I am failing to get the point of the game which just wants to show you that there is no use in wanting to get high up or highly advanced technology.

And I am still sad that he just left the frog (or what it was) girl in that town-city thing on her own… 😦

But well, I am worse, as always. I mean, I am always that thing that is the most useless.

Reader: Someone who never listens and looks out of the window?

No… a tree.

Reader: Oh… but you aren’t a tree.

I know, otherwise I would have a reason why I can’t just punch everyone who keeps on destroying this earth. I mean you could just take little things and make something with it, but no, no you have to create a Carrera cart racing thing.

Now some of you might have had the ear bleeding of their life, but guess what, I actually played that game when I was little. And do you know what the best part about it was?

Reader: Besides the useless waste of resources, either in the actual car racing scene or the computer you used?

Yes, besides that…

Reader: What was it… SLIGHTLY tired and disappointed

Even the money saving pig could play it.

Reader: How? … as if that would interest me…………

There was a mode where you could use an auto-pilot, you just had to press the key for gas and then the game/program would do the rest. So you could have just put the foot of the plastic pig on the key and leave the room.

Reader: And why would you do that?

… when you feel that you won’t get out of a situation alive, you have nothing better to do than killing time.

Reader: How about getting out of that situation?

You understand that someone with a limited brain capacity like me isn’t able to figure out a plan on his own and therefor breaks apart and just tries to drug himself until he is dead?

Reader: But now you don’t, at least it seems you found a way out of it, besides all the pain and pressure…

But my mother won’t find out of it because she believes in things men told her and that wanting to give everything away and such things are wrong and that she was sick when she thought this way.

Reader: So you don’t want to help her?

I can’t, I also can’t help my father … the problem is, that they want to stay somewhere and keep their things…

Then again, at least my mother tells me about her past, how she didn’t have much. But then she compares past with today and says that I should work hard on a field instead and it just breaks me because both ways of life are painful for me and also that she believes that the Anti-Christ is preparing this all, so there is no use anyway and we should just blindly believe in God to solve it all because we can’t know what will happen.

And then I sometimes think, I hope that there could be change, but I would maybe just listen to people who either still live in nature or are going back there than people who just walk through nature sometimes.

Reader: Like you do?

Yes, like I do.

Talking of me, my backpack is still packed. But most of the things are useless things, except for the glass water bottles.

Reader: But wouldn’t it be smarter to just take one made out of plastic?

Hm… It would be lighter and … NO.

Reader: But you could get hurt and it is dangerous to carry around glass bottles.

Tell me that again the next time you cross a street in a big city and then we might have a different view.

Reader: Okay… yes. But we are looking for ways to get out of this alive and safe, aren’t we?

I hope so… I really hope so, but I am never really sure about it. Knowing that people are trapped in things in most places and if they weren’t before, they got at some point.

“What do you mean with: ‘We don’t work on our fields and just let them grow themselves?’, You have to work on them! Hard work!”

See, and this is why people without wisdom shouldn’t tell stories or write because they will think it has a system, but it actually is written in another context.

X: Is that so?

Me not know, too many meaning, too many nothing, me confusion.

And there goes the good word structure.

The problem with knowing that it makes no sense before it made no sense gives you the problem of being lost while you shouldn’t be because you knew how to not do it. And then you had to find a way to survive because the others weren’t stopping and then you lost again because you couldn’t reach them, or could you?

When you figure out how the things work but you can’t stop them because your mind is overloaded, you can only try to find a way to make it silent for some time and dream away. Or you try to find someone to escape.

In my case trying to find someone for escape was somehow not possible because how should I have found someone around that time – although I of course knew that they existed?

Reader: Why do you listen to this?

Clear thing, I have to.

Reader: No you don’t have to.

Of course not, but this is the thing. I don’t have to do anything, but when I decide to actually don’t want to, I will be called sick.

Reader: So you listen to things that are painful to listen to?

Look, I never needed drugs to be on drugs, it is just a thing I have or to appear drug or sleepy in front of others. Well besides the time when I then actually drugged myself while not wanting to, but forcing myself to because it was obvious that it would break my will to live.

Reader: Paradox.


But this is what happens… 😀

Reader: Is this a “I’m God” reference?

“Can someone make her shut up about this?”

Reader: The lyrics were different.

To no one specific: I know where you are going and it might be in safe hands with you, I am too weak in the context of it all. I am only good as a basic I/O device, when confronted with technology and the problem with this is, that I can adapt myself into every environment, but I decided to adapt myself towards the most hostile and feel good about.

Reader: Wouldn’t that make you a threat towards earth?

It would, but we already had that, I tried to make it kill me since I was too weak to fight for it and too strong to just die because I was too powerful.

Reader: So what do we get out of this now?

Only when someone can interact with nature and either do things for or with it, they are able to feel good. I mean, it is possible to feel good and it is possible to feel, since sometimes it seems some people don’t feel at all or feel just pain and then take it for normal since that is all they have known.

Reader: But you can’t say that they don’t know a difference.

Of course they might know a difference, but it is difficult to get a different feeling when the environment your are in is making you feel this way. To make it clear, in the wild you shouldn’t feel pain, at least not in your heart or soul or such. This is why Germany is a very bad example so far because here you can’t really have that. I mean, sure, there are trees and stuff here and there, but it wouldn’t change the fact that people hurt it and continue to hurt it with their way of life.

If I would be a big fat kraken or something, I would probably soon get out of the sea and then finally destroy these cities.

Reader: But what about the people living there who don’t want to be there as well?

They would have time to leave.

Reader: So how would that be?

Okay, so the big fat monster thing would show up and politely tell the people that they should leave the city, otherwise they might get hurt and then gives them an hour to leave (or in case it is a large city, maybe a little more time) and then it would smash the rest.

Reader: But what about the people who can’t walk away or who are very tired and might not even be able to move, since they feel the pain and the misery?

I would bring them outside myself with the big tentacles or whatever and then maybe eat the others who try to drive away with a car or something, trying to save their stuff…

Reader: Don’t you think that is a little too oversize and besides you not being that thing – unrealistic?

Hey, I didn’t write all these movies and series in which such things happened, but people just looked at them and thought it was a great movie.

Reader: I bet you also did that.

Sometimes for sure, but only when I deactivated my senses since most people seemed to see it this way or I don’t know. But probably most of them were somewhere else with their thoughts because somehow they had to escape.

Reader: Or they didn’t even grow as many brain cells, leaving them plain or modular for additional extra storage.

Hm… I could have used all that space for additional things like advances tactical advantage, but no, I decided to make a garbage can out of myself.

To make the doom a little less doom, I will maybe go for a nice walk tonight and never return.

X: No, you don’t leave.

Okay, but I already was in the shed today and sadly there isn’t an actual woodcutter axe in there, only four hatches or something like that.

X: No, no you don’t.

No. I just wanted to say that.

X: Thank you.

Someone: We know that you are following other people’s order anyway and I didn’t see any change in that so far.

🙂 I don’t, but it hurts, when it is expected from me nonetheless.

X: But you do know that these kind of feelings shouldn’t even exist.

Tell that my brain or heart. Besides that, did you know that deer often just have their eyes closed, if even and have a kind of sleep which makes them wake up when something moves or makes noises nearby? Sometimes they don’t sleep at all, just rest a while.

X: But you also read or heard that somewhere.

Hm, surely. I mean, when I look around me I usually just see people who do that or did that and so I thought, what does it matter whether I know that I could or should take a look for myself, either in my mind or actually going there. Oh, and in case some of you can really travel to other planets and live there and life there is not like here, please adopt me, I also do dumb things to amuse you.

Reader: You mean, more dumb than you already did?

Look, I am done with making myself work like other people and or the systems. I will just go for a walk now.

X: But you do know that there currently is a lockdown or something and that you aren’t allowed to go outside at this time?

Reader: … why did you write that, now you can’t pretend that you didn’t know.

Who cares, I was outside when I wanted to be outside, no matter what time it was.

Reader: But then you will cause people to die.

You mean people who decided that living in the ways they live in should be continued at any cost, while silencing or trying to silence any other ideas or really useful and working things, like a forest for everyone – as in: there is life in it? And fields full of flowers?

Reader: But there are people in your country who also want to protect these things.

I know, but they would also agree that it makes no sense to punish me for walking around outside alone. Otherwise they would be similar to the people I am afraid of.

And I mean, it is obvious that more and more people will die over time at some point because of the way in which they live or continue to do so. So why should it bother me? If you tell them a certain liquid will cure them from this sickness, it might work or maybe not, depending on it being an actual reaction of their body or just a psychosomatic chain reaction based on problems of bad development or broken stuff…

Reader: Easy with those words… they could be dangerous.

I hate words, remember?

Reader: …

And do you know what you could create out of the word “lockdown”?

Reader: No………………..

Look down… hehe…

just one of the o’s got cut in half or something.

Reader: Child… nonsense from a child…

5 months are really a long time when the pain level is below zero.

Reader: A good thing?

It means infinite.

Reader: Ah… well, I can’t follow your robotic ways of thinking.

If I could, I would not be writing. Well actually I can. And I don’t want to write anymore.

Reader: So you stop writing?

Yes, I will stop now and hopefully forever.

Reader: And then we will see you come back tomorrow writing another post… I know how it goes.

It only depends on whether I want to walk or not and where I am headed.

Reader: But you will starve or something.

I am well trained when it comes to that, but you have a point.

Let’s just say that I will get something to eat on the way.

Reader: Like what? A dead opossum?

o_O we have those around here?

Reader: No, I just thought… it was a joke…

Yea… well, I guess that this might be it now.

Reader: Probably…

I just wanted to add that there was a car next to the house for a short time last night and I don’t know, probably someone just through in some news paper or something, but later I saw that car in my dream as well. And I also dreamed of being with some people and walking or driving somewhere and such things. Hm… but I will probably never be sure whether I am actually there, whether I am just imagining it or I don’t know. 😀

Reader: You and your dreams… if you would be dreaming like this in the open wild, you have been attacked and probably killed or eaten by some animal long ago.

When I got asked why I was able to sleep deep and long and dream a lot, I think my secret tip is, that I am just so afraid of this world (not earth, earth is not that bad) that falling asleep is easy, since when I sometimes wake up, I at least know that I am still trapped, so I didn’t imagine all of it because I wouldn’t want to be in such a situation, but had not much of a choice (other than running away, while in a lot of places it is probably not much better at the moment). But for sure better than here.

Did you know that in some regions or countries people don’t have to go to school?

Yes, it is a thing and actually pretty great because this way the young people can learn for themselves and also understand everything themselves and don’t question themselves when they find themselves inside a school building where most people have no clue about the things and also it all is just based around making people confused at some point or thoughts go towards work or something.

I still don’t know how they could stay next to a room with sulfur and stuff in the air after someone had made an experiment.

A cool thing is that I can get “high” without the need of additional substances. 😀

I just change the perspective in my mind and then I can see whatever I want to see or what I don’t want to see, but still comes up, since my mind is a mess of a kind.

I asked my mother once to focus on my eyes and then I just randomly changed perspectives and she just noticed that my pupils got bigger and smaller.

Reader: You sure that it just wasn’t the lenses focus changing?

It was that as well, but this is the thing. When you lose the focus, like when the camera loses focus, things get either blurry or you look around them and then you can just tap in your inner “virtual” space, you could say.

Reader: Yea… nothing new for me.

Great. But somehow for other people, it seemed.

Sometimes I didn’t even notice when there were things right in front of me, like bars in a bus or such things, yes I think I once even hit a lantern, but I am not sure, it just would make sense.

Reader: And how should I imagine that?

Well, it is as if you still see the things in front of you, only that you just see the left and right part and the middle is overlapped by the left and right side. This way you can see “through” things which are in front of you, for example a finger, a bar or anything long shaped and not too big in width, but depending on how close you hold it to your head.

X: I just imagine how a few people actually do that now and then feel weird about themselves. And then I just imagine some people who are angry about this because I make it seem as if I was the only one who could do that, while there are probably millions of people who did way cooler things with their minds and also made useful things to reach their goal.

Yep…. My brain is the kind of brain you would find in a garbage area for old broken robots who once served as toy for children. Yea….

Reader: So what do you see then, when you do that?

Whatever I want.

Reader: I doubt that.

Yes, probably not whatever, but anything what my mind can imagine. From rewatching an episode of some TV show I watched to just creating or receiving a new one to observing how a bunch of dolphines eat a shark to children running around over natures colorful fields after the industrial revolution was no more.

Reader: And in what way does that help?

How does a map of trees help when you were supposed to keep them?

Reader: At least they found a way to make it a little better.


Okay, so when I go now with that backpack, I will probably not return any time soon. And I will probably have heart problems but that is okay. I will try to let you know at some point should something have changed.

X: But you do know that a lot of people are working hard to get the whole thing down in a proper way.

No, I don’t know. I mean, I do know, but it could also just be that they try to, but people don’t understand or even can’t.

X: And this is why you should have added natural substances to increase your consciousness level.

But then I would have just done that all day long. And I mean, I already had problems to differentiate some dreams from reality and other things, so if I would have taken additional substances, I would have probably just walked around completely out spaced. And that is almost the case even without anything like that, maybe even with things that should decrease that.

X: But you are still not able to properly communicate with other people on that state, otherwise you would have listened to the voices who told you that you should stop writing.

Reader: Finally… and I thought that he would never mention it.

It is easy for me to give up on the house and technology, if I would just be able to live at some place where there isn’t all that stuff like tourism, speedy things and all. And while some people might be able to leave this earth or are just visitors here and then live somewhere else, I would have been perfectly fine with earth as it was before a few men or people who had weird dreams about automation and stuff took over and built Rome and all that…

Reader: Just leave the country and live somewhere else.

But you know that in most places there is civilization or some tradition or culture and stuff? And that some people really want to have flying cars and such things?

I mean, I don’t want that technology at all, because it only causes problems within itself to make more problems to need more solutions for … yea…

And this is why you have plants and animals. Some of them just don’t care about others, but some do.

We are all living beings, at least I suppose, while many be more robots, and when you are alive you usually find solutions yourself and get answers yourself because then you know that you can only be sure, when you at least thought about it yourself or tried it. Depending on what it is. So you should probably just think about a nuclear war and what it would bring (just more death) and then not actually do it (which leaves the question why we still have such weapons and not such our fits or a stick we found on the ground?). But the things which include ways of nature do make sense to not only think through but sometimes try out.

Reader: And then I will see you eating a poisonous mushroom or something by accident and you are either dead or completely lost (even more than already) – well or stoned…

At least a better method than using rats in laboratories to test the newest medicine or create the latest shampoo or makeup collection. Or whatever…

X: Do they really still do that?

I don’t know, probably, at least people still produce technologies and create all kinds of products, so things are still not right.

X: At least there are things like Raspberry Pi which at least give most people what they need to program, watch movies or just chat and such things. Although gaming might not be working, when you want to play games which use or need a lot of CPU / GPU power. But some old retro games or retro style games might work like a charm.

Yes, and usually they were the ones you needed and nothing more. I mean really, as pixelated or messy they were, at least they were environmental friend out of the box, since it wasn’t possible for them to use a lot of space or speed and stuff anyway because back then most people didn’t even have access to such things.

X: Which throws in the question how they created some of the things back then with the little they had.

Either they used “magic” as in “transforming their surrounding energy into things either they and or the viewer wanted to see” or they just had higher advanced technology in their special labs or military facilities or movie studios than the normal people could even imagine.

X: We might never know for sure. But all is possible, I guess.

But not all is useful and makes sense when it comes to this earth. I mean, you could create a giant space ship, yes, but then what will you do with it? You will probably just fly to another planet to find that your home planet was already perfect before you built the space ship or something like that… not to forget what the production of such devices would have taken on the resources of earth.

X: Well, if you wouldn’t have just turned other energy into matter and then transformed it back again.

If that works, then yes, but it seems that people won’t want to at least try to not even want these things.

Why can’t just those with more and useful imagination and creativity, like a lot of women probably, have had a say? Oh wait… I forgot, men are the superior people……..

I am clearly not, but to this day many people still listen to men or at least want men to take a lead, while it doesn’t make sense…

Reader: You probably know what you are talking about.

I am pretty sure, but it depends on the individual again.

Fazit der Woche: Diesem Menschen ist nicht zu helfen.

Aber die Woche hat doch erst angefangen?!

What is a week?