As if something is missing.
The feeling of actually being free is missing.
You can see that things are leaving, coming and going and everything gets darker, while it seems to get brighter. Far away on some distant island you would feel safe, maybe with someone else, so you wouldn’t be all alone. Wishing to be washed away by the sea to never return, while actually you would love to just swim in it, lay down on the sand, walk around and let the water embrace you. And then someone would jump into the water with you and laugh with you as you swim and enjoy the water.
The warm sun with the water feel unbelievably great.
There are trees with lots of different fruits and birds.
A tropical island.
But then you wake up and it was just a dream. When you turn around there are just big concrete walls and steel and glassy buildings. Fog and smoke fills the air and big ships on the horizon and near the beach you just slept on, dreaming about a distant, magical island. Some people pass by, they smoke something, one of them drinks some alcohol.
He said with a cold but relieved seeming voice: “It keeps one warm.”, as he emptied his bottle of vodka in a hurry.
You walk home, but your home isn’t really your home, it doesn’t feel like “home”. Only the sign on the door reminds you that it must be your stay, your place.
‘Why can’t I just be somewhere else or gone?’, you might think, then you enter the door.
Someone greets you, nothing special. You know you are home, although your home is in the stars or a distant island you fear to never reach. ‘Aren’t all places already dark? Or is it just me? Am I not getting it?’, sorrowed thoughts as you enter the kitchen and make some dinner. Or maybe it was already time for breakfast, you can’t remember.
What would you give for this dreamland, this island, the stars.
A kingdom for an island.