It went great!

I am back from my mission.

I think this time it was a full success, at least for the moment it feels like it.

Just wanted you to know, that nothing happened to me and I had a great conversation with the police there at the place.

Before that, I was sitting there in the car for a while and also arrived in the middle of the car because of the snow. We had to take another road, then we got confused with some signs and streets, had a dejavu, since we actually had a similar experience when we wanted to drive to some relatives.

After a lot of painful back and forth driving, we finally arrived there in Ingelheim.

We first were driving around there and didn’t find the place because we either missed the right street on the map or something changed in the mean time.

When we finally found it, we had a break.

I collected my thoughts on whether I really want to do this in the way I thought I might do it.

I knew the risk and also possible consequences, but since I didn’t really want to harm anyone and instead try to show that someone is out there, I finally did it.

I walked around the area with music on, face mask and all.

There were cameras everywhere, how many cameras can one have for a place like this? And I mean on the outside. I felt like in such a camp scene, walking down a dark lonely road, fences and big walls and a lot of barricade like buildings. It really seemed like a sick joke, without being funny…

Interestingly there was now the center for vaccination planned. It really looked scary.

Obviously the guard called the police, but I expected that to happen and was ready for it.

A dark figure with loud music walking around a beton block with cameras.

Who wouldn’t call the police or help.

When I walked around the building, they waited there for me, I slowly walked back to the wall of the building.

As I hoped, they were good people.

None of them overreacted and I also had no reason to.

When they asked me to turn off the music, I did so. It also would have been hard to talk.

We talked about what had happened in the past in this country and the obviously knew as most people should know. They wanted to make sure what I was about to do or going to do, since they probably also had no clue, must have looked like a suicide bomber to them. In a way I felt like one, but not because of bombs or anything related to them. I can’t stand these things. So I told them that I wanted to demonstrate something, that I would undress myself (except for my shorts/pants – I am male), they told me that I shouldn’t because it is freezing. But I told them why and that I had to do it because of the past, although I knew that they knew. I promised them to get back into the clothes again soon after and so I did.

They told me that they also weren’t happy about what was happening, that they also see this injustice, but weren’t responsible for the building or what happened. And that they were here doing their job as police, but can understand.

They even told me about protests which were planned and the media and things and that they were also following it and that they see the injustice.

Of course they had to take my personal information and things, but since I had nothing to fear from them and it didn’t matter to me anyway, I gave them all they needed. They even accepted it as a silent protest, but that I of course weren’t allowed to enter the place again, at least not today, otherwise they sadly would have to take me with them.

I think they even were somehow inspired or amazed that I got up there this long way, just to make this and even asked whether I would join the open protests. But since I had no time and also usually have problems with other people, I didn’t and maybe they even were a little disappointed. Since they had to do their job, but they also weren’t for the things happening and weren’t support these politics.

It was a good talk and they let me go again. Sure with my data and making sure that I was really getting in my car, driving home, but they let me go. Hopefully it wasn’t too much of a shock for them to arrive at the scene, but everything happened calm and respectful on either side.

I am thankful for this experience, although I can’t believe it actually happened.

After that I felt so much better and even happy.

If I wouldn’t have done that, since I wouldn’t have been able to do more or something else, I would have hate myself and probably regretted a lot. Felt ashamed of myself again and as if I only write or talk, as usually.

And I know I have written and shared a lot of crazy things here on this blog.

Some of them make no sense, some of them shouldn’t make sense, but somehow sadly do in a way. And other things are just me having mental break downs, pain, sorrow and a lot of trauma processing and such things.

Please be kind and also understand that there is and was a lot of anger, hate and confusion at times.

I won’t take back what I wrote because then it would somehow negate myself again, why I did what I did or feel the way I feel. If I would only let the posts online which make sense or seems okay for everyone to read, then I would probably out of my old “reflex” make them all invisible.

But I can’t do that now and shouldn’t.

Maybe I have to add a few foot notes at some point or I don’t know, but I can’t right now and maybe will just let it me. In case things are not okay, let me know and I might unlist (or something) specific posts.

Hopefully these few policemen are all okay, maybe talking about it and the guard maybe also learnt a lesson or got reminded. I don’t know exactly what was going on at that place, but it was very weird. Somehow the police made it seem friendlier, no joke. As weird as it sounds, I felt more safe there, at least with these handful of police officers. Maybe they also felt something there. I don’t know.

At first I of course didn’t know what exactly would happen and I was ready for anything, because I really didn’t know. But it was good, at least for me. I don’t know whether I really could make a difference, but I really wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself, if I wouldn’t have driven there. Or when I already was there, not doing this while being unsure what I would expect and what would happen.

I praid, waited, thought, waited while my mother was sleeping a little in the car.

I a big protest, I would have either been taken for a trouble maker or just drown or feel weird.

But these police people there, at least I assume they must have been from the area somewhere near, I felt safe with them after first few seconds of irritation, shock and fear.

I and they of course can’t speak for everyone, but it showed that they indeed, at least in Germany, are still alive and have a heart. And if not all then at least those I met and those I lived with for around 9 years.

Thank you, that this was possible. And I really was ready to go with them to a police station or whatever. But none of it happened.

Maybe this small and somewhat silent protest meant more, than a lot of shouting and all that, what sometimes happens at protests, it seems.

Thank you reader, for being part of this and although I don’t know what will happen to Muhammad Azhar Shah’s case, what happens to him or others, at least I was there and did something. Although maybe radical in a way, in a dangerous, but peaceful way.

I don’t know whether I will continue writing here at some point or what will happen with this blog and me in the near future.

So I say good bye and see you! Maybe some time soon or at least hopefully alive. 💜


John / J.SYS / J. P. K.

P. S. It is sad, that I am somewhat broken and do (almost) crazy things, but as long as it turns out to be good for something, I am thankful for this broken misery of a soul. ❤

Love you all and may the love be with you (or you force of joice), to make others days or change things for good!

And now I will hide and go to sleep, while still not really understanding what actually happened.

Oh, and I saw some more of these spirals in the snow on some parking lots where I was. It really spreads.

Okay, now I will sleep, hopefully I can because I am shaking a little.

I hope your day will be great and if not, I wish you miracles. 😌

Okay, now really. Hopefully see you some time soon or hear from you again. Till then! ❤

Post No. 1074