The damn cars……


Today my father woke me up in a flurry(?) way. Not only did he knock heavily and fast on the door of my room and shouted me to wake up, he also said it was important. How did I know? Well, I already was awake when he entered the house because of my senses and stress, I guess…

After he didn’t stop after some time I opened my eyes and answered him (he was in my room knocking on the door of it, yes). Turns out he finally understood that my mother’s car had missing fuel on the ground, although it stopped already for the most part (idk). And we told him that yesterday or maybe even the day before, but he didn’t want to listen and his own car was way more important since there were a few drops of oil on the ground and whatever.

But today all of a sudden it was the most important thing again, that my mother’s car had left some fuel on the ground and that it was irresponsible of her to drive with it and that she should get home immediately and whatever… Only to make him the one who KNEW it all (or whatever) and then play the “I told you” guy.

Man… he not only gave me a head ache over “nothing” (yes, I know that fuel on the groud is not cool and good, but my mother said that it wasn’t losing much anymore or any after it was on half the tank. So maybe the hole or whatever (idk) was elsewhere), but also acted as if it was his responsibility, but actually mine and made me feel guilt again.

If we would live in a world in which people would actually care, my mother would have just stayed at home a little more and then got the car fixed. But hey…

And I can’t do this shit anymore.

“Funny” thing is, that he noticed that he couldn’t call us or at least no one got on the phone to hear these “important” words (he repeated his speech around four times in my room and then also outside and probably on the way to his house). By the way he had called my mother (at least) 6 times on her mobile phone and God knows how many times on our phone, but I blocked his number on both, but on the mobile phone it is still shown, but doesn’t ring. My mother even told him that he shouldn’t call and if so then not countless times. But did he care or understand? No. Otherwise I wouldn’t have blocked the number. And now he said that he noticed that he doesn’t get through…

When he woke me up and said it was very important or something serious, I almost believed him.

But usually it wasn’t.

When it was something about us, it was never that important.

When mother was in bed (maybe having a heart attack), while we were still living in his house, when I was a child, she asked him for a tea. And at some point he might have even made one, but it was cold when she got it. Or he didn’t even care at all. But when he had a cold, he was of course unable to move and do anything……

But otherwise he could still hit her or me and tell lies and all.

Wonderful man………..

I feel very low again and at least my cat is with me, so I am not alone and feel a little safe.

But she also deserves way better than this and probably suffers in her own way because of all this trouble…


I really wish there would be some sense in things where I live or at least with people I am with.

Oh how I miss this show and all these wonderful people although I have never met them… 😦


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