Dreams tonight

Raw information given.

I probably should gave gone on the toilet before I went to sleep because I needed to pee.

When there are certain things going on around or inside you, dreams can also change because of these things.

So for example when you, like me, don’t go to the toilet to release toxic waste (some call it urine) before you goto sleep, it could be that the body tries to force you to do that. The problem is, when you are really tired, you might not wake up eventhough the signal was clear for hours. So at some point it could find a way into your dream. Which of course is not always the reason for things in dreams, but can be.

In my case, it sometimes results in dreams about sex, since there are still a lot of “wires” in my brain related to pressure in general and sex (masturbation) because that was “helping” in the past to ease pressure (at least for a while). So well… that was the first part dream sequence.

Then I also dreamed about a big building. A lot of relatives or others maybe were there. I don’t know the building nor did it seem as if it even was in my country. I was walking around through the rooms. Unlike buildings known to me, they had no hallway or floor, but just doors between them. At least it seemed like this. The others were sleeping for the most part, while I was walking through the rooms, wondering a little. The rooms were small for the most part and didn’t have much furniture, I think. The sun was already shining or still, since I didn’t know whether it was evening or morning or what time of time.

I don’t remember a lot in between or before that, since I remember there were a lot more details and information.

In another dream sequence, maybe afterwards, the people and maybe others as well were together in a bigger room. In the middle was maybe a fire with wood, but I don’t remember exactly. The room or hall (it wasn’t too big) was filled with people. I don’t know what they were talking or doing, but at some point I just lift off the ground because I wanted to, like I often did in dreams. I always like how easy it feels, just to move upwards and fly around, just like that. The people were probably astonished. Then I raise my hands and wind or moving air started to build up in the room. It was a little cold and I was unsure whether it was dangerous or not, but I was just flying there and doing this calm, it seemed and also just wanted to show that, it seemed.

Later I think I danced with a girl or woman, I don’t really remember, but I guess we were just laughing and spinning around a little, maybe even in the air.

I forgot the rest of the dreams and other sequences, but I felt good after this dream sequence, although I then also felt kinda bad, when I woke up because I then realise that I really needed to go to the toilet and some of the toxic waste was probably already back in the system. Yea… And yes, I know that it isn’t good that I don’t drink enough water and don’t go to the toilet when I have to… I know.

Maybe this also has to do with relations towards it. Like that as a kid you are not allowed to go to the toilet just like that and have to instead ask whether you can do that, while adults just do that. Or whatever children can or can’t do in school right now. I know that I was often too scared to ask or to stand up in front of everyone and such things. Also because it sometimes was visible that I needed to go to the toilet, although for others it could have seemed like something else. If you know what I mean. If I would have not had a penis, it could have been way easier for me in that case.

I mean, I even didn’t drink in school in general, at least usually. Because I hated myself and felt unwanted, but also because it meant, that I probably would have an easier time because I would not have to go to the toilet in school. So I also didn’t eat in school often, at least for some time. Sometimes I did eat of course, but usually just when it was a long school day. I usually didn’t eat breakfast.

You know that I knew that it wasn’t good.

But hey… it didn’t matter anyway back then, since it wasn’t important whether I felt good or bad or sick.

When I had nose bleeding one day before school, it filled several packs of tissues and my mother said that it looked like at a slaughtery or something. But did I have to go to school? Of course because otherwise I would have to go to the doctor or bring in an excuse either way.

… I started with my dream(s) from tonight / this morning and ended up with school and nose bleeding again. Oh well…

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