/Pacman/ did it again

Do you know that in theory online games could be used to collect data and also use your computer for other purposes? No? Well, then good for you because otherwise you could have supported the games or win them.

Confusion LEVEL 9000

Well, when I look into the forest near my village and the town and see hundreds of dead trees. I would say: “TELL ME MORE!”

But yes, the schools should stay closed, forever. Children who want to learn, will learn and children who don’t want to learn, won’t learn. It was always like this. And the good students either end up working for those who didn’t want to learn or kill themselves or die from cancer. So yes, no school, is good school.

I wanted to learn, but what I learned was death.

And now I probably have not only a master in being dead, I also can ask my friend death, what she thinks about this whole situation.

Do you know what some people joked about? At least it seemed to be a joke.

Some years ago there was a video in which people were asked about the german chancellor at the moment, in particular the name. And do you know what one of them said? “Angelo Muerte”, while Angela Merkel is the actual name.

But when you know what it meant, you understand it was Mengele.

And what is the swabian (german dialect where I live, south west) word for a “small amount”, when “amount” is “Menge” in high german?

It is a Mengele.

Well, okay these are some weird word jokes, obviously, but you know your history, I guess.

When the victors (re)write history, then you can do the same.

I would have had no problem if someone be hundreds of years old and then told me. I would have probably just been surprised how they survived this long in this hell and whether they were alone and what kept them going.

I actually watched a movie about it, but like my mother, my cousin also fell asleep watching it. Other people always or usually fall asleep when they are confronted with information which is not going along with the given propaganda or is not in relation with their world view. So their brain shuts down, I guess.

While mine usually shuts down when people try to tell me something about their income or what kinds of countries they visited, just to end up sitting on a beach eating stuff in a hotel and walking down tourist avenues or whatever.

I am usually interested in things which are different and who most people don’t want to hear or know about, for whatever reasons.

But when you are alone with this or at least feel alone, without a way to make anyone see what you see, at least it seemed, then it is hard to not give up. Which I did and for me this earth was usually hell, not the trees, not the animals, but what people and machines made out of it or let happen.

So I thought, what is the point of fighting, when I will end up in this hell anyway.

Do you know, I heard, that dying is to go inside more and more.

So when you see bones in the catacombs, don’t wonder should they start moving one day.

Not long ago some people made an experiment with dead people, they placed them underground and observed them and then some of them moved over a period of months, so they literally turned around in their grave. Fun fact: There is a saying, like: “Da würde Vater sich aber im Grabe umdrehen, wenn er wüsste was hier geschieht.” (Father would turn around in his grave, if he would knew what was going on around here.) Well while the main part would just be about some dead people turning around in their grave, would they see or get to know something happening at the moment, which they would have definitely not wanted or liked. You could also say that about yourself, in a future way, that you would turn around in your grave, would you know this or that or would something specific happen.

You know… some funny jokes about being dead or dead people in general…

Just the usual things which keep you happy. (No they don’t, but I am pretty alone around here and it is hard to stay optimistic. But now I just have to. 🙂

Please don’t punish me when I should fall for my drug again.

It went good the past weeks, but this pressure is very heavy.

I mean, I not only had to “depress” my trauma, but basically everyones trauma in away. That can’t be healthy… I mean, it is already enough to process my own life, processing the lives, feelings and problems of others around me is unbearable, especially when they do nothing about it themselves, it seems or not much.

I really hope what I have seen so far is not just another of these weird dreams and endless circles, otherwise I won’t make it until my next birthday… which is actually a very optimistic perspective of how I feel.

For me it feels more as if I won’t even make it passed this year, but now all I can do is staying here, hoping, doing some things to maybe give others some hope or ideas and trying to get sane.

People: You and sane? More like insane.

Me: Always had been.

People: You?


Audience: But we are on your side, although we don’t really understand half of what you share nor know what to make of it. Still we are happy to have you here.

(Is that actually the case or is the rabbit just talking again?)

Audience: Which rabbit?


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