But is there trust?
And is there love?
Sometimes revisiting a tradition as a play or experience, can give you insight, understanding and wisdom or strength. But depending on the tradition or who you are, it could be a terrible thing, if you might get trapped in it. As long as it is a play and you can stop it at any point, you don’t have to fear a thing, since you know you are in good company all the time. Even if some of the people play the evil enemy or maybe scare you while playing a role, but would never really want to bring you in danger.
But when a tradition is not or never was helping you, when it wasn’t for fun, but a must and harm you. Then why should you keep it going?
I am not a friend of traditions, when they involve a force and must, which they often do, if not always, at some point.
But I am not an enemy of playing, like a role play and then laughing about how silly some things are and were. Knowing that those with whom you play and spend time, are willing to safe you and you will safe them, should there be something and the need for it. It can give hope and trust.
As long as you don’t make it a must (have).
Why can’t some people play vikings, play video games and then plant a forest or just enjoy it, in case they have one near by? Why can’t a nordic warrior paint a wonderful painting or dance an indian dance?
Because when you call everything evil and wrong, then what is left?
But when you have to keep everything as it is or was or want everything back, then have you understood what you need or want?
A life, not a prison.
Love and friendship, not cruse, fear and hatred.
Sharing, understanding and care, not greed, pain and ignorance.
Often a fearful seeming warrior might have a warm heart.
And an innocent looking prince, could be a devil.
But only the look and appearance, doesn’t make nor always represent someone. You can feel it, if you heart still works.
And if you can’t feel, since you are hurt a lot, I wish you that you will find a way or some way or people or maybe an animal finds you and helps you to heal your wounds. But as you need it and what is best for you and not what I think could help. Although I might have seen a lot, it doesn’t mean that I know a thing about you or what could help you. I only try my best to give some support, to raise some questions, some eyebrows and my sword.
I wonder where it is, my wooden sword and my shield.
Somewhere between all the plunder and things I don’t need and others didn’t need as well. But do I need those?
As long as they are in my heart, they are everwhere I go.
And no one should be a lost case, if only I would be able to rip out my heart and give you a piece. So all of you could see and feel and make it wonderful, not cold.
But since when did a over-dramatic act or descripton ever change the world? (Well, maybe a few times, here and there. 😀 )
But it isn’t about the need for a painful act. It should be to actually know that the pain should not be and that a heart can beat forever, if you want.
And whatever might be, I don’t want that things happen out of fear, anger or toxic love ideologies and all these things.
I wouldn’t write about it all, again and again, if it wouldn’t be important.
Since I want to live here with you, all these people, at least those who also want to just live and play together, help, enjoy company and make music or do swim at night in a lake for fun at least once and such things, which is of course not a must, but I hope you understand.
I am not a hero in a way of a story, if I ever was or could be seen as such, probably I am more a loser after all. But it doesn’t hold me back now.
Since my life was not really about myself, only in a broken way.
For me it is not about whether I would do something or not, depending on whether I can or can’t actually do it. It is more about, should I do it, would it help and when and how?
Only to sometimes intuitive or spontanously doing a thing, hope it will help someone out there.
And I mean, I draw and wrote a few things on some walls, where already had been a lot of things painted and written. When I went there the next time, I almost freaked out and lost it, when it all seemed gone. As if it never happened. I thought I was dreaming or worse. Luckily I realized that it was still there, but that the sun dried it and made it hard to see at night, since the colors I used, weren’t meant for walls, especially outside. And I saw that some other things were still there, where the sun couldn’t reach it as much.
Hopefully you don’t know what I am talking about, but I was really relieved when I took a closer look and got some sense back and didn’t leave the scene like that or do whatever.
If you once loved flower, loved running and playing in joy. You can find it again, do it again, since there is a saying about things you learned: “It is like riding a bike, once you learned it, you can always do it again. Even when you are old and didn’t do it in a long time.” (Okay, the actual thing was shorter and had different words, but something like it. 🙂 )
And no, it doesn’t mean that you must be a failure or anything alike, when in your case, eventhough you once were able to ride a bike and now can’t anymore, you did something wrong or are wrong. It is more likely that something, someone hurt you so much, that all of it got locked away. In a trial to either protect it or get rid of it, since you felt as if it was your fault for wanting to be happy or that you don’t deserve it anymore. Or just that it was related to whatever happened, which hurt you.
We can learn together to ride this bike or see the good in a midnight sky and the joy in sitting in a park doing nothing or a forest or in a mighty garden. Or run around and play with water guns or throw a paper plane.