When you die in GTA 5 (or some older ones), the word “WASTED” was shown on the screen, together with some sounds.

Since I only really played GTA 5, this is what I heard:

But this post is actually not about GTA, at least not really.

It is more about the word “wasted” itself and how it feels or is connected, at least for me in my weird mind or the german version “verschwendet”. Also the words “used (up)”, “depleted” and “obsolete” or in german “verbraucht”.

But since the title says “Wasted” and I actually added it before writing, which often is not the case, we will focus on this one more specific.

I don’t know how this might seem to you, but no, I am not a scientist or any kind of expert, just a guy with a weird brain, so please don’t take everything for granted, correct and such things. Especially some of my other blog posts.


Now, why is it that this word (or the meaning behind it) makes me angry, anxious, nervous or even depressed, depending on the context, situation or my previous thoughts and feelings?

Waste or when something is “wasted”, it seems as if you have done something wrong. And actually in a way this is the case. But for me this means, that the whole concept of “waste”, “wasting” and things being “wasted” or just “used up”, is messing with my head. Because when you need more of it, you could usually just make more of it or get more of it. Okay, depending on the resources this might be more complicated, but usually people don’t need “heavy helium” or “platinum” at home. Do you?

I think you know what I am talking about.

And the other thing is, that actually in the context of energy, nothing is ever wasted. This is even a physical law or something. It only changes the form or state of energy. So when I hear “you wasted that”, it is painful to hear because it makes no sense and just hurts my feelings. Besides that, it is often used in the context of “saving the planet” or environment. This hurts me even more, because it only makes people like me even more hurt, depressed and triggers negative thoughts and emotions. Why? Well, because then it seems as if we are a waste of time, resources and attention (and such things).

You might “wash it off” and say: “Ey, don’t take everything so serious.”

But this is not possible, when I get all of this negative, irrational and depressing information / input and responses to things I do or say.

I know a girl who also feels like this and currently might feel way worse than me because of these things. She has a very good heart and a lot of potential to be a great artist and also human over all.

So why is it not logical, helpful and healthy to talk to children or people in a negative and serious way, when it comes to saving the planet and these things? The answer is clear as water.

People: Wait, that makes no sense, water is not always clear.


Okay, so what I mean is, that it depends on the individual. Sadly in school, media, work etc. people are usually getting the same information. Or worse, maybe personal / specific information, but often the opposite of what they need. For example, you already have suicidal thoughts and then get recommendations on YouTube which say, that you are not good. Or things like that.

People like me take everything very serious and only when I know that in the context things are not serious or important, I can relax. Sadly this is not as easy at it might sounds. Sometimes even playing a game can get serious because some people just can’t stop talking or writing about how bad you play, what you should do or that you ruined the whole run and now everyone has to do it again because of you. I mean, with good friends this doesn’t really happen and when something goes wrong there might be a few words, but in the end people are just happy you were there as well.

What I am trying to tell is, some people who just do what they want, will just ignore or maybe even publish data about “Don’t waste too much resources.” or “eat everything on your plate, otherwise children in Africa will suffer” (or the weather will get stormy) and these things. Has it anything to do with logical thought, reason, saving something? No. It is just control, manipulation or pure ignorance, disguised as a “friendly” reminder or contract to be responsible and thoughtful. Then you see these people swimming in private swimming pools or even private lakes, living on private islands or a whole forest area. Yeah of course they aren’t “wasting” resources.

The rest of us already has not much or at least some and those like me usually feel guilty for simply being alive. It made me wonder about the actual validity of these “environment” and “saving the planet” campaigns.

Don’t get this wrong, of course I would want to actually have some kind of green paradise on earth, maybe mixed with some magical towns and villages and colorful, technological or natural places, where people live. And that not everything looks like a big gray cemetary or computer board from above. Or even worse, a desert, depending on the perspective and location, out of sand, dust, metal, steal or concrete and asphalt or lack of love.

When I look back into my childhood, I remember than a cousin once said something like: “Are you using up the whole rainforest in there?!” when I just wiped my ass clean on the toilet and used some more toilet paper for it. This made me feel bad about myself. Or when I wanted to watch a movie which I already had seen, but they said, that it was not meant for my age, so I weren’t allowed to watch it again. Although they were old enough and probably wanted to watch it and I had already seen it. The logic…

I bet, when I wouldn’t have used enough toilet paper, they would have said that I stink or should clean my ass right… I don’t know. For me it just was always important to be clean, eventhough that actually developed more out of my own highly sensitive “sensors”. Depending on the mood and my level of awareness of my surroundings, I can smell things others don’t even recognize (anymore). So when I wash my hands twice or three times, it isn’t because someone told me to or whatever, it is because I can still smell something on them. The same goes for my body in general. When I was on the toilet and I didn’t just let out urine, I usually go into the shower.

If someone now says: “Stop doing that, you are wasting all the water.” then you are one of the reasons why I don’t want to live. Especially, when you believe what you say. (Which doesn’t mean that you are a problem or should be gone instead… no. Just please understand (me). Okay?)

Why is that? Well, because the water gets collected in something like the purification plant (at least in my country). There it gets filtered in several ways (filter, bacteria / biological, chemical (maybe)) and when it is clean enough, released into a river or something where it could get some additional filtering and minerals. At least as far as I remember.

Then it could be used again or just floats away or goes up into the sky, only to fall down as rain again. Seems pretty good and simple so far. The problem is, that of course some gases and other stuff is also floating around, which then could make the water toxic at worst. So then (for the moment) it would be actually “wasted” and not useable (at least not in a healthy way).

And so I think, why do you make people so anxious, guilty and serious about the daily life, when people like me might take it too serious and others simply ignore it as usually? It makes no sense because people like me could actually solve the problem, while you make us want to die or actually die. Be it through sickness (several forms of cancer, mental health issues, caused by severe stress, anxiety, fear, over-working and alike) or actually “forcing” (making them believe there is no other choice) someone into suicide out of ignorance and hate.

I thought: When you would let people like me just use their resources as we need them and just let us do our thing or maybe even support us, we could actually get rid of the guilt related things at all. Why? When you would either have technology or natural ways (plants, humus, rocks, …) or both together in a way, you could have enough water, food and “toilet paper”. But toilet paper would be something I would try to get rid of, if possible, since we could actually find better methods. Not to forget, that you could eat things which are more energetic and better useable for our body.

This way you would also not need so much food and then less or maybe no defecation. Because the defecation process is actually just necessary because our body (gut and whatever is in there ^^), can’t use or process all of what we ate before. Otherwise there would maybe only be a small or even no amount of “waste” or defecation. But if you don’t think about these things, keep blaming people like me for “wasting” the rainforest and water, while others actively burn these things or use them for weapons or for war tactics. Thanks for blaming the people who want to actually help…

But I mean it is no wonder, I learned in school at some point, that we should measure the amount of water we use and how much we could save or whether we know about how much water is wasted when there is a leaky water tap. Man… probably it is because of this, why my father is running around my house “checking” screws, water taps and such things to a point wheen he actually breaks them… Thanks.

For me it was clear, that I just use what I need and care about it. So when I got told these things several times, my brain thought: I must be doing something wrong, they are telling me this again and again. And usually this is when I did something wrong. So I have to fix it, but I can’t, so I must be the problem.

Meanwhile other people:

Someone: Hey that’s me there in the 313th line, the 11st from the left side.

Audience: 👀

Me: Yes, I really like this song because of its melody.

Audience: 😶‍🌫️

And yes, a lot of these people might actually be good people. Some of them might do this out of a must, some make the best out of it, since they (maybe) had not much of a choice and others just can’t wait until it is over.

Audience: Are you still talking about the video?


(This song and video gave me tears not only once, for all the times I watched and listened to it, like this time.)

Do you need more signals?

And no, I am not talking about violence. But people also didn’t ask whether they can or should hurt me. Although I never wanted to hurt them and when I tried to hit back, I got the whole blame just again. As if I started it. Even my own father does that in front of the neighbors, about his own son who he almost killed once, hurt and psychologically messed up. Probably because something like this also happened to him.

I am sure, that I should care about my water consumption, since the whole world relies on it. Of course.

Hopefully you understood, that making people like me feel guilty to a point that we want to die (or maybe do other crazy things), who have or had ideas and abilities to actually change things for the better, is not so good. (To say the least…)

People blame the soldier, for the fear and hate the officer or general gave them.

Now the question remains: Are you wasted or a waste of resources, like me?

I hope you understand now.

If not I am sorry for having been a waste of your very precious time.

Wasted at the moment.

But not beyond repair.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.