This just reminded me of all the good times a german YouTube channel about computer topics gave me (SemperVideo). Since this was once their title melody, when I remember correct. And besides that, everything in this video is a wonderful piece of art! 💜💓
I actually watched a few of the latest SemperVideo videos and now remembered the funny outtakes (SemperCensio) I think or maybe there was another channel. These videos together with the music, kind and funny voice and way of the one speaking in the video and how it made me feel more safe and curious about my computer. A good combination.
Sometimes it felt as if I have all the helpful and good info, but only I can understand or make use of it. At least compared to the people surrounding me or who spent time with me. I could feel good about it, but usually it made me feel weird and even sad. Because I wasn’t really able to show them the beauty and awesomeness and overwhelming joy these things gave and still give me. When I am not “busy” trying to not freak out, be depressed, have some kind of psychosis or just in general feel like shit.
Someone else: But you know that this is often used in the opposite way.
What I actually meant:
But I actually don’t find happiness in memes, usually they scare me or confused me. If I use them, then only because I think some people might understand things better this way.
Today I just thought again about the possibility to get a hormone therapy and maybe a surgery to become more of a woman. So people maybe understand that I am actually not so much a man or at least don’t really want to be one. For all the men out there, it is not all your fault and this is more about how I feel and was born. Again, I had a uncommonly high voice for a boy, felt often like a girl, but was more or less divided in half. Still I feel more comfortable feeling like a woman or imagining myself as such, than being a man. And again, this is not about gender related topics or stereotypes and these things. This is just about me, personally. I mean, in a way it is about stereotypes and genders, but I usually try to not get involved in these topics, at least not in a public way. The reason for this should be obvious for some, because as soon as you say something against it or which could just seem negative, you are the enemy. And I have been the enemy of people since I was born, so I don’t need more of these experiences, thanks.
And just to make this more visible, the girl I mentioned in the last post, she actually mentioned that she doesn’t support the LGBTQ+ community, or how they call themselves now. And then she got banned on a social media platform (when I understood it correct). At least they later realized their mistake. If you don’t understand why it was a mistake, maybe you should rethink your life or at least the meaning of “decision”, “choice” and “freedom of speech”. Especially when they didn’t care about that she actually just meant, that she just not support it, but probably has nothing against people who are different.
As far as I know she actually loves everyone in a way. So these days people can already get banned, censored and hated, if they just write or say a basic sentence like: “I don’t support the LGBTQ+ community.” Because for some people it probably translates into: “I hate everyone who is different and want the to die.” or at least this would maybe be an actual reason to feel the need to ban, remove or at least “not like” something. While the sentence “I don’t support …” could and in this case probably mean, that she just doesn’t want to get involved with it and maybe just wants to live her life in her way. Or simply that she don’t know what to do about it. But these days this could at worst even bring you to court I assume.
And the irony is, that at least in my case, I would actually benefit from overall acceptance and equality. And the real irony is, that the LGBTQ+ or maybe LGBTQAI+ (or whatever) community is actually the problem for people like me and probably this girl who just wants to live.
Now you could think: Wait a minute, why are they the problem if they actually fight for equal rights?
Think twice my friends, think twice…
You: I did, but nothing happened.
Don’t worry, I will explain.
So isn’t it kinda ironic that a community which seems to fight for freedom and equality, exludes other people?
You: What do you mean with excluding, I thought they accept everyone?
Yes, this is what it should be about and maybe started with (I guess). But when you just take the name or letters for the actual words, you should wonder: LGBTQ (and so on).
Well, isn’t it obvious?
You: I don’t exactly understand. Sorry.
Okay, so let me give you an example. What would happen if some people would decide to feel or call themselves cat-people or interuniversal sexual?
You: I don’t know?
They would add a new letter to their name.
This actually means, that they only accept people which letter or word is included in their name and movement therefor.
You: Holy shit, this means that they are nazis!
Eh… yeah… or at least not so freedom loving and accepting as they advertise themselves. And please don’t confuse a movement and some people leading it, with people which could be part of it, were or still are part of it. This will only lead to conclusions like: “All germans were nazis.” or “America is a freedom loving country.” or “The world is open for everyone.”
You: I see.
Yesterday I watched two episodes of Stargate Atlantis with my mother. I just felt like watching it would be a good idea and picked a random epsido. Funny thing is, that it was actually about a race girl (a specicies half human, half blood sucking bug) who got rescued by a man. And he tried to help her and protect her because the other humans wanted to kill every race (understandable, since their nature is to kill and suck blood out of people.)
Understand the paradox irony.
The saddest part was, that the Stargate team actually were working on a way to remove these “alien bloodsucker” genes and were willing to help her to get rid of it. Since she also didn’t like it and didn’t want to hurt nor kill anyone, but couldn’t do much against it, since it hurt her because it was in her nature. And because she felt so guilty and hurt for being the way she was, she didn’t pay attention to the doctor who said, that it would need some time to develop an anti-virus and instead just injected the completely untested and exemplary version of it. This then turned her into an animalic monster and later on they had to kill her and other problems came with it.
If everyone would have just be calm, caring, tried to understand the situation and supported her, instead of fearing her, everyone could have been saved. Or at least those who still were alive. In the context of the series, everyone actually could have been saved, but this goes beyond the capacity of normal human brain power.
You: But how can you think about it then?
Maybe, I am not human? Or maybe most humans aren’t really using all their mind because others did a good job on “blinding”, scaring and confusing them?
You: I get the point.
(Hey and if you think something completely different, I am just assuming things here and try to make some kind of dialog with you, while we actually don’t talk nor write, at least in this post. So no, you don’t have to say, think or do the things I write here and there “in you name”. 😀 It just helps me to feel less alone and also as if I am actually heard and important.)
The other episode after this one was about one member of the crew also getting infected with this anti-virus-virus (since it actually supported the bug gene virus thingy, instead of killing it) and more people dying, things breaking, psychological trauma, an almost complete militarization of Atlantis and so on. Why? Because a few people couldn’t wait for a few seconds, breath in, see that a teenage alien wasn’t so much of a danger as expected and then feel good about being able to help everyone.
The girl and the other race who was also hiding in the woods (but people thought there was only one) were actually called Deimos by the local villages. This now conncets with the recent Update for Warframe which was called “Heart of Deimos” and actually had similar problems and concepts involved. I wonder why.
And according to Wikipedia Deimos means something like “moon” or “dread” and such things.
My mother told me that people at the border between France and Germany, in the Alsace region say something like: “I went to the moon.” when they are in thoughts. Actually a woman called Alice (or something like that) who lived there told her this.
So in the moon, can be something about thoughts and horror, while it could be a tiral to escape the actual horror visible right now. Leaving us with even more horror in the long run, while we could have had a good time together, if we wouldn’t have had to deal with all this madness in the first place.
This is why instead of panic and over-dramatized media, we could need something which motivates us to (actually) support each other and not just pretend or think we do, while we do the opposite. While some of us actually help and just want to help, but then lose the cause because usually they are alone (for the most part). But everyone says: “We want to help.”
If you can’t accept that an alien teenage girl wants to be human, but currently is fighting with herself and sometimes hurts others or even “has to hurt” others, since she would die as well, then we are lost.
Because if you or others (in case you already do, like I did) would understand that it would just be a temporary situation, if we would try to get through it together, there could be whole new and awesome life and worlds to life in and explore together. And like this one man who sacrificed his own life time (in both ways, since she actually sometimes took his life energy and made him “older”) in a trial to protect and safe her, there would be others who would do that as well, like me for example. He personally did not really get anything from it, other than company and a daughter since he had lost his wife and son, before he found her helpless and little on the ground somewhere. And she had a loving father who actually did and gave everything for her, eventhough she was actually (in the context of the story) his enemy or at least would become one, if you would only go for her nature and origin, not her feelings.
And as Peter Stamm would have written: “A story killed her.” when I remember the beginning of his book “Agnes” which I had to read in school, besides a book of Max Frisch and another guy. The topic was about the image or what you want to see in others. And maybe how they see you and such things.
Back then it actually wasn’t good for me to read it because it actually added up to my already critical depression and other psychological problems. Since I survived all that somehow, it is good that I now can share these things. But only if it actually helps. If not, then … yea…
How can you help someone with severe psychological problems, addictions and alike (which in a way is all more or less psychological at some point)?
Classic doctor: We can’t, we can only lower the symptoms (at best) and see what happens.
What some doctors did and tried: Let’s actually look into someones brain and see whether it actually is psychological or maybe a tumor instead?
What I would wish: Try to understand people, their situation, their origin, their life, their feelings, their problems, their abilities, their ideas, dreams and thoughts. And most of all, care for them and try to find actual solutions for them, no matter what it might “cost”. As long as everyone is willing to “pay” the price. If it would be just about knowledge, resources, people, some wisdom and equipment etc. we could have helped most people in a short period of time. If we would just ignore this dead concepts like economy, money and alike. And we could slowly change things, step-by-step. Because even viruses and other sickness spread this way. Why? Well, at some point they start or mutate and then from there they go. And this way out of one infected, there could be two, then four, than eleven and so on.
And I heard some people say, why can’t love spread like a virus?
Yes, I actually wonder why not, since it is actually something everyone would want and which would solve most other problems as well.
But it is nothing you think or write about, you just feel it and no, we are not talking about getting undressed. Although clothes are technically just a “nice to have”, while others made it a “you have to have it, otherwise you are not good or right in the head”. I would still preffer to have some clothes on, but like in the past, maybe not as much as others might think are necessary. For example when I ran around outside with a t-shirt, while it was winter and all other children had big winer coats. Only to see me in a sweater or hoodie during summer time… man…
And I actually just did that because it somehow felt good or I wanted it, while others probably did wear things because of other reasons. At least some.
And yes, I also weared things my mother bought me, but it was more because I didn’t care about it that much and we also didn’t have much and I had not much interest in clothes. So I just got some to have some. While one teacher even asked me whether I know what was written on my clothes and that I should probably think about it or whatever. While I just thought, man, I just have some clothes on… please let me just live. And other laughed about it… classic.
By the way, I just got an ad on this video, telling me about that banks will clear the path so tomorrow can come. And that we are the people and should stick together.
Interesting, I almost bought it… would I not hate money and everything it stands for.
But if you just ignore the bank and the money, it is way more friendly and almost what we want. Psychological tricks man…