Even porn / can educate / these days


Now I don’t know what you exactly think, when you read this title, maybe that I am talking about anatomy or how primitive and crazy we sometimes get or want things to be. No? Or that I am crazy and sick? No? Well, how should I know, right?

Okay, but now what I actually tried to write about.

Yesterday I watched a porn video and it turned out to be not another mistake, but actually one of the best things which could have happened.

Now you might think: How can that be? I don’t want to know what you do or feel like, when alone in your room. Especially when it is about such things.

Well, then you will miss the interview which was at the end of the clip.

Since I won’t share this video here for enough reasons, I will tell you what they were talking about. (It also made me remember about what some other people were talking about some years ago.)

She woman and the camera man / producer talked about school, about politics even and such things. For example the differences and similarities between american and german school education, at least how it seems.

She even said, that she actually could have gone to the “Gymnasium” the highest of the three german secondary schools (at least in the older context). But because she didn’t know anyone there, she decided to go into the middle one, the “Realschule”. This actually was also what I did, which turned out to be very bad for me in the end. But who knows what would have happened in the other school.

They then were also talking about, that it is getting harder to do a normal job and how people react or think about you, when you made something porn or in general sex related (more or less) in public. For example that you don’t get into certain jobs or are seen as something else. Mainly because of the society and what is expected of people or how they should behave.

Paradox enough, it is quite normal / common that (young) people watch porn and other people have sex parties, but in public it is as if none of it exists or should exist. I personally would of course also want and wish that some of these things, don’t exist. For example that woman from other european countries (or even further away) get sold or smuggled or kidnapped here, only to let them work in the sex industry. Often at first maybe even promising them a lot of money, maybe a safe future and job, only to treat them worse than some animals.

Back to the talking people. So the producer also said something about his past, for example that he was addicted to porn and masturbation, but when he then made porn himself, it stopped. Because when you see how it is done, it loses this “touch” / image and then it just turned into a business. Although I would not say, that making porn is the solution for porn addiction, as it somehow seemed when he said it and maybe in his case was true, I think they more tried to tell about “behind the scenes” and how it affects you.

They were then also talking about how people were often comparing the woman with a well-known porn star. Which then maybe was pointing towards the image people got or whatever. Because they had completely different personalities and even if not, they would still not be the same.

Then they joked about this other woman and that she got a “legit” job and made fun about how she might have “worked” herself up there.

This whole interview was very refreshing, calming and felt somehow good, given the context, my problems and that writing about this is pretty weird, but necessary. At least it seems to be very necessary. For myself I would have probably never written about this, since it is weird and I don’t feel comfortable sharing such things. But the more I wrote about these things here, there easier it got.

The most interesting part was, that she (and yes they have names, I can add them if someone wants that) was also talking about her fears. For example, that she doesn’t watch horror movies, at least not usually because of her imagination. She would then hear noises and whatever and would probably freak out. And she even said, that she would rather kill herself than watching a horror movie alone at night. I hope that she isn’t struggling with that, because you never know for sure. A lot of people hide things, especially when they are intelligent.

It was also very good to hear, that she was actually considered smart (given that she could have gone to the highest education available). Because there often is a misconception, about intelligence and porn or such things. I mean, there are a lot of stereotypes and such things, but yea…

Oh and before I forget it, they were talking about watching porn and that she for example was not really watching it, but if so, then the acting part instead of the sex part. And that some things were repeating themselves, were pretty similar. Which actually is the whole thing, like it is with many things, but still it is a thing.

I think this one porn video with a personal interview afterwards, was talking about more problems in society, countries, etc. than all politicans and so called experts together.

She even added that she wanted to or tried to study psychology, if I remember correct, but it turned out to be more about statistics and such things, than the actual people. And since she actually wanted to help people and not learn about some weird numbers and theory, she probably didn’t continue it. At least when I understood / remember correct.

Maybe this one video with an interview made or makes it happen for her?

I don’t know what she does in her free time, just saw one article in which she also was talking about porn and “what it does with us”.

I hope she and many others will be heard. Because I think she would be way more helpful doing her psychology thing and other stuff she might want or be able to do.

Okay, I will just add her name, at least the name she is known for: Anny Aurora

I should add, that also in the past I was also watching interviews of pornstars and such things. Some of which also were actually similar to this one in a way. And while I sometimes can’t really tell whether the people actually plan to do it this way, just randomly say things or actually try to change something, it was good to see who they actually are. Or at least a side of them who was more like them, since everyone or at least most people hide things while with others.

Especially in family situations or in some cases with friends. While at least with actual friends, you should be able to speak open and trust them. At least that is what I got told is friendship. But because I had a lot of psychological problems, I couldn’t speak with my friends. It was because I didn’t know anymore what was okay to say and what wasn’t. Because of all the crazy rules and people making fun of me and all.

Okay… So now that this is written and I hope I did write down the important things about this interview, I can stop for this post.

It is already weird enough. And I just had to write this down.

I didn’t want at first because of what people could think, but then again, they should finally think about the important things, than just what they will drink on the weekend, buy for lunch while at work or whatever.

And please, don’t expect me to repeat or talk about this in public ever, although maybe at some point in the future. I mean I am writing things here (when they are not complete madness or nonsense), to somehow show what I am thinking about. Then of course also to show what is going on in my world and what I see, feel and all. I tried to make people rethink things and come together, instead of dividing and letting some people conquer and dictate our future or present and even the past.

Besides the things people did or didn’t do, they are still living beings, at least I hope so. And while some maybe don’t want to change (mainly those who want others to do the work for them), others would probably do anything for a change, while they feel kinda trapped.

I for example have no problem with other people, as long as they let me be and also not harm others. And I don’t need any special treatment or whatever, what I need is that people feel free. Actually free and not what they think is freedom. Many think, that if everything would be possible, that people would do violent things, do unmoral things and whatever. But instead I actually see these things now and always in history. While people who actually seem to be free, are way more calm and helpful and all.

And those who then still would do things which are completely messed up and crazy, like torturing people, raping people even children and killing people for fun or whatever, that they would be either punished or at least be handled somehow. We have humane ways of dealing with them and I mean a death sentence also won’t bring the victims back or make them heal their wounds faster. But if the biggest criminals who usually walk out free, would finally get caught, maybe the other things would slowly handle themselves. (Of course with our doing, but I hope you understand.)

Why does there always have to be violence, fear and all these things which break people and actually make them do things they may not have done otherwise?

For example I still don’t get, why some young people from Germany or other european countries went or wanted to go to ISIS or similar groups.

I mean, I know why, but without the context of their past and what others might have convinced them of, you shouldn’t want to fight for such groups.

Especially when the actual “war” is in your home country because there it all starts. Or did you think these terror groups were created on thier own?

Okay… now I should really stop.

Thank you for reading and still loving me or at least accepting me. Especially when I can’t really because I feel as if I won’t make it till next year. But I have to do this and I want to live and physically nothing speaks against it, just inside everything screams for death or an end to this madness around me and partially inside me.

Thanks again and stay safe and don’t be too hard on yourself.

You can’t be that bad, especially after reading this. 💜


💜

6 Comments

  1. I am not sure why this is a thing. Sex, and its’ various methods of expression, are universal. Public acceptance varies from culture to culture, and between generations, and genders. The danger to participants in public expressions comes from treating those folks as icons rather than humans. It seems as if you were shocked/surprised to discover their humanness. I am glad you put this out here in this forum and I will look forward to reading what others have to say about it. Dr. Bob

    Liked by 1 person

    • No, I wasn’t shocked. As I said, it was nothing new to me, I was just thankful that they spoke about it in the way they did and just wanted to share it. For me it is more as if people assume that I know nothing, while I actually held everything back. And then I feel as if people want me to be shocked or surprised because it might be them. Well probably not you, but a lot of other people. And when I then speak up about something, it seems as if I am either always too early or too late, while others can speak about everything it seems without judgement or interferrence. Thank you for reading. But really, I don’t need a lecture in that, sometimes I think I invented life in all forms, so really, no need for it. And please stop assuming you know what is going on in my head, otherwise I might into yours. 😀
      I hope you are okay and all. Nothing really surprises me. Only if people in general would actually stop sticking to their traditions. cultures, ideologies and such things or at least stop pushing and forcing others to follow them as well. I mean, if someone wants to stay in a certain box and they are fine with it, I don’t want to be the one to drag them out of it. I just got a lot of people who tried to stick me bag into some boxes. For me it is clear that everyone has a different side, but often I see that people actually fake things to a point in which they don’t recognize themselves. I should know that because I did that so I would not annoy others or get hurt.

      When the rats have to explain the humans how to live, the ship has sunken already. And when the beat of a drum wakes the drummer, you know he fell asleep.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Please do not take offense, I would never presume to know what goes on in your, or any body’s head, I was a psychiatrist for thirty years and I was always surprised and never shocked.
    believe the ship has sunk, but it is listing. So many of the sailors are asleep at their stations!.
    I applaud those of you youngsters who are awake and beating the drum. Thanks, Dr. Bob

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks as well, I just had enough offensive reactions and other things happening to me. So I wanted to be sure that you are real. 🙂
      Sorry in case I seemed rude or something.
      And in your first comment your thought I was 16 or something, but I am actually 22, in case you didn’t find out already.
      Around here on my blog I just have to let everything out now, since I was never able to any time before. And so I also have to let out things I held back for decades sometimes.
      And I am very good at taking care of myself, but I first had to find reasons to live for again.
      Somehow it developed on its own, after something inside me just had enough of going against myself. My path was very dangerous and beyond painful, but now I can share everything and also (at least try to) support others in their fights and struggles.
      If it would be just for myself, I would have never fighted because there was nothing for me to fight for. I knew I wouldn’t get it anyway wbat I wished for or so I thought. But this year showed me, that I am actually a hero. A messy, little broken one from time to time, but still I can do something. In the past and even present I met closed ears, minds and hearts around me and so it was very hard to figure out whether it was me who was in the wrong or them or what was going on. Luckily I can remember most of my life again now and so I know that I knew that I was okay when I was young, but got broken more and more. Because at some points I didn’t even remember the previous day nor what I was actually supposed to do with my life. But as a kid I just knew these things. Memory is a good thing, although I of course would wish some things didn’t happen. But luckily I did a good job scaring the shit out of me with horror stories, movies and such things until my own memories and past actually seemed okay. So I can remember and go through memories I hate without freaking out or something, since I am able to see them as what was and what I survived. It made me stronger, while I actually was already born strong and intelligent. Which was mostly curse for where I lived. But now I can use everything to make a change for good, finally. And man, I can’t count the times I thought and sometimes even believed that I was the crazy one. But we got psychiatrists here who tell people like me that they are crazy for having certain thoughts and ideas. But I know that they would actually be normal, good and maybe very smart people, if they would know that it isn’t them who are in the wrong. Because here are still people who put people to psychiatrists, give them pills and let them “rot” in misery, as I would describe it. And I just couldn’t really say something, since no one would have listened to me anyway or called me insane. I mean where I live people still believe that psychological problems are unhealable or such things. Very “helpful” and motivating… besides all the other problems.
      Thanks for reading and I wish you good luck in your fight or what you are up to at the moment. 🙂 ❤
      And you are a good surprise for me, although I was first not sure what to think of you.
      I guess you can understand now.
      Trust is really something I have problems with, but I can offer it to people who let me speak.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I like your bravery, your perseverance, and your willingness to share your story. I think that there are many who will be encouraged by your stories. Will you have detractors? Of course, that just means what you say is hitting home. Keep it up. Dr. Bob

    Liked by 1 person

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