I hear my computer working

For some time now I often heard a weird noise when working with my computer. Especially when I moved the mouse or when there were fast changing images (e.g. GIFs / games). Now I just tried a few things out. And although I am still not sure what exactly it is, I can only hear it when my ear is facing towards the computer. It must be something with the graphicscards I assume, maybe the fans or something, but I am not sure.

It is just a little weird that I literally hear my computer processing images. But such things are not new to me. ^^ I just wanted to make sure that I actually hear that noise and don’t just think there is one.

For a few seconds I thought I would her the frequency of my wireless mouse, but at least not that. At least not in this case and now. 😀

It is really weird when you sometimes smell and hear things very intense, while no one else seems to notice them. For example my mother often can’t even smell anything at all, so I sometimes came in the floor and wanted to run away because the cat didn’t fully cover her “work” in the toilet. So the whole house was smelly, while my mother was just sitting there. And when I told her, she said, that she didn’t notice it. But this is nothing new and she also doesn’t like that she often can’t smell things. But sometimes it really is scary that I smell things others can’t smell (anymore) even people with (according to them or othes) normal senses. And then my mother who stands in front of these things and doesn’t really notice it or just a very wage smell.

I remembered that once in secondary school I was waiting for chemistry class with a some other students in the hallway. And then when the chemistry room door was open, there came a strong disgusting smell out of it. Turned out that someone in there made an experiment with sulphur and such things. And although the windows were open I had to leave the hallway and escape behind the glasswall of the starways, behind a closed door. Because this smell made me almost throw over/out. While I was fighting with my stomach to not empty itself or do whatever, the others remained in front of the chemistry class room. I didn’t understand how they were able to take that smell.

Having high abilities and being in fight or flight mode (or just being highly sensitive) is not really a great things in many cases, although in sometimes can safe your or other lives.

The sad part is, that people around here at least older people and young people who don’t really care much for others (or simply have no idea), still think that it must be imagination or that someone is not right in the had who has such thoughts or senses etc.

I mean I met one guy who got called schizophrenic by three psychiatrists and I just thought, hey this guy is almost like me and just needs to be able to process and heal all the trauma he went through. But instead people made him feel even worse, as if he was an unhealable monster or whatever. And as if his thoughts, ideas and behavior was completely crazy. He just had no one who at least tried to understand him or listen to him. Because with me he could talk a little and even felt better it seemed, sadly he didn’t know that weren’t much different after all. And I mean that was just a year ago.

I mean these psychiatrists, his mother and religious people, they made him actually crazy. Because they didn’t want to understand him nor really help him. Instead they called everything he did crazy, wrong or at least not okay. So no wonder he didn’t know what to do anymore with his life and give a damn about things and then actually nearly freak out.

I mean he even was interested into computers a little like me, although not as much and had a lot of similar thoughts or tendencies.

I mean what is this madness? We are in the year 2020, at least as far as my calendar says 😀 but people like him, like me or maybe you, are still called crazy, weird or such things. I would have agreed on something like deeply wounded, hurt, ignored and misunderstood. But crazy, unhealable and then even labled with psychological sickness, as if it was something which can’t be fixed. I mean if that is helping people, then even an elementary school kid can be a psychiatrist. If you just look at someone, ask a few questions and then decide what you can sell them.

Because there were many cases in which people got badly harmed or maybe even died because of such behavior. And often treated in a completely wrong way because something else was not okay.

And I know I wrote about that already, but it just makes me want to scream and vomit that people are still doing these things after all these decades, centuries. Assuming things and ignoring people and also themselves.

I mean obviously if you tell someone that they have no chance of survival or no chance to get good again, that they will give up and actually won’t make it. This is psychologically manipulating someone, at best by accident, at worst out of will because it is a business. I mean you can sell people pills and stuff this way. If you would tell them instead that there is a chance that it could maybe go away again or isn’t really much of a problem, then they might be able to find a solution. Like with only have one arm or leg. You could give up, which would totally understandable. If I would lose an arm or something, I would also be very down, would probably have a lot of pain and all. But then I would know that I could maybe get a new one in form of a prothese or who knows, maybe even regrow one at some point. Could be possible, I mean some animals also can do that, as far as I know. If not, then I heard something wrong. 😀

But I mean we have cells and a baby also evolves / grows out of tiny things and cells at first. So why should it not be possible?

Anyway, what I mean is, that giving people hope and maybe supporting them by listening and trying to get “on the same page” as some say or the same “wave” can make wonders. As I wrote before, one of my uncles survived blood cancer, mutliple motor cycle accidents and is currently fighing with another form of cancer. And this man is still baking things and walking on his feet. Although one foot is not that well at the moment.

Doctors gave up on him or parts of him many times, but luckily not all and also his wife and children didn’t. So he had something to fight and live for and they were also there for him. At least from what I have heard.

I personally think the job “psychiatrist” should be erased. Because what people need are real friends, partners, family and in general people who care, even if they don’t know you. Me and my mother for example took strangers with us in the car a few times. Once even two drunk guys. We didn’t take everyone, but when it felt right for us we did. And usually the people were very friendly and thankful. I think my mother once even had a soldier in the car. And I mean, I was still a little child, also with these two drunk guys. But they were harmless. So if we were able to do that, why can’t more people do that?

Everyone is so scared of all these possible dangers and that someone could harm them, that they better not risk it at all. And often it might then be that they fall for someone who actually is not good. There is a psychology behind this. Because people who are too kind, look very nice and all, could be very dangerous, while people who might seem dangerous like a rocker or something, could be actually very cool and nice. And I must know it because I was on both sides, as mentioned in many posts on this blog. At least when it comes to tendencies and things I went through.

And about other things I can hear. I can for example hear it, when there is a broken cable. At least happened in the past with my charging / USB cable for my phone. The cable was only sometimes actually charging and when I put it into the electric socket, it started to give a high pitch sound. Very annoying after some time. But when I told people that, they either didn’t know what to say or think or maybe even didn’t believe me…

But I knew that there are even special sensors and diving repair robots who use such things to find broken energy or internet calbes in the sea. So I knew it was possible. And I mean I even hear the light sometimes or at least some noise from changing currents. And I heard then for some years in my house now and meant that there must be some current changing cables. Because it was coming from switched of light bulbs for example. And sometimes I even saw a small red shimmer at night, where the light bulb was. It was in another room under the roof. But I think the first time I thought it must be a smoke detector device or something, since they sometimes have a red light. Only to realise the next morning that there wasn’t one in this room. And then I was very confused. And when then my cousin also once saw it, I knew I wasn’t crazy. But still others didn’t believe me or thought that everything must be okay.

I mean I probably knew more about the electricity in this house than some electricians. Although I didn’t even look into the building plans, nor built it or actually have much knowledge of electricity, when it comes to different parts. So I mean it is kinda understandable that I often freak out (at least inside). Because I literally see, hear and notice things which others either don’t or can’t.

Sometimes I think that I might be able to switch on or off the light by thought. Wouldn’t be far from it after all I have experienced so far and theoretically it is possible because the human body has also electricity. People even measured it at some point, as far as I know and I mean otherwise it also wouldn’t make sense to electro shock someone, either to make them go down (police) or to bring them to life again (medic).

But for that to happen you would first be able to create a magnetic field or something. And well, I really don’t want that although it could have happened in the past, sometimes maybe even without me knowing.

You know, some people go through life, thinking that some things are rock solid and in some cases this might actually be healthier. But for me it is sadly the opposite, so I can easily lose myself within scary thoughts.

Together with friends these things actually wouldn’t be all that scary since you could try them out together and then either look whether it actually works or not. And if not, then nothing is lost. But when you have no one to share such thoughts or abilites etc. then you don’t know sometimes whether it is a dream, reality or just madness taking over (again).

And only because some people say something can’t be, doesn’t mean it has to be this way, as well as some things don’t have to be in a way, only because someone says it. Like with the “You have only 2 weeks to live” to my uncle and now he is still alive decades later.

So yeah, I am not sure, but maybe I can actually manipulate electrical devices with my thoughts / will power. o.o meep

And it scares me. But so far it usually didn’t happen. I just often don’t know anymore what is really real at least for now.

I mean we share this world together or am I wrong? So why not explore and experiment together, while of course trying to not destroy everything. You can always start small and also stop at some point.

I think what makes people not stop at some point, is that they feel the need to continue because they haven’t found what they needed. A little love, someone who cares for them or just is there and doesn’t let them completely alone with themselves. And also doesn’t want them to change, at least not into something they don’t want to be or can’t be. I mean you also wouldn’t expect or want a chicken to suddely turn into dragon or would you? I never saw that and I mean, would be very weird, but who knows, maybe that could happen one day. 😀

Okay, but what I try to say is, that when someone is scared of themselves or gets hated etc. then abilities which could actually be very cool and helpful get turned into problems and fear. I mean if someone would be able to bring people actually back to life just by thought or touching them, then why not? I mean, would that be great? But if someone would actually claim to be able to do that or would at least want to try it, people would say they must be crazy or be stopped. Why? I mean isn’t that crazy as well? On one side we want that people don’t have to die from all these weird sicknesses and not to suffer, but when someone would actually try to find ways, people say, no not like this. Then people tell me how? With a pill?

Okay, but before we freak out here again, more music and also everything is good. We are not alone in this and we have all the time we need.

And I mean some people see ghosts or believe they exist and I would also say that this is the case. But whether you call it ghost or soul or spirit, I don’t really know what the difference is or whether there is one at all.

But you don’t have to see everything and know everything and not all things have to be.

I for example wouldn’t need these abilities to hear and smell with such a detail, if instead I could be together with some of you maybe and people who can relate to it or at least are open for it in a way.

Although I don’t want to experience everything and have to be with everyone. And man I am really doing a bad job on not scaring people. But maybe it isn’t all that scary for you and just gives you hope or finally someone who has similar thoughts and experiences.

Either way, I hope we can find us and ways to get together, other than just through written words and such things in the internet.

There just isn’t this deep connection I feel when someone is right there with me (or high negativity, in case they either hate me or are negatively loading for other reasons). But I am used to it through my father and mother and some other people. 🙂 Which wasn’t really good for me, at least usually…

Thank you for reading and don’t freak out or just calm down again.

We are still here together and we can find ways together. We are not lost and although it often might seem, feel and go into something like it, we don’t have to be part of it or let it happen. We can always at least try to make a difference. And if you read all of this without thinking that I am completely insane, crazy or lost, then welcome and thank you again.

And in case you now feel crazy or lost because of what you read, it will pass this feeling or thought because you are now definitely not alone with it because I am here with you. ❤

We can do this, whatever this life is. 😀

And if we just do things together and see what happens. Better than going crazy about things which might not even be real or would happen. Only alone we might get lost or are lost, but together we can only find a way and also won’t be all that scared. Maybe even have fun exploring. 💙💜

I don’t want fear and madness, I want fun and “wellness” or something like that. 🙂

Thanks for being here with me, makes my life a lot better knowing you are here. At least when you are also a little or a lot scared especially these days.

❤ 🤗 ❤


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