This one is s/m/e/lly.

I just wanted to be with my friends, without all the pressure and need to do things I didn’t want to do.

But then this happened in my head and everything broke down.

Luckily it is just in my head.

Next on I will show a photo which shows me a few years ago?

Else: No, use your phone God damnit.

Me: But it is broken.

Else: But you were still able to use it to log into your bank account with it.

Me: My bank account? NOT MY BANKACCOUNT!

Else: Easy there, it isn’t as if I would rob anything from it.

Also Else: Makes Bank move like in russian style.

Me: Makes the Putin move.

Other guy: But I thought, it was about buying trees?!

Me: 👀

Else: 👀

Other guy: What? What did I say?

Else: Nothing.

Other guy: But…

Else: See, that is the problem. You never finish a sentence properly.

Other guy: But…

Else: And you never let me finish mine.

Other guy: But y…

ELSE: STOP STARING AT MY ASS!

Other guy: OK.

Me: There is something more important going on right now.

Also me: Wait, my bank account got hacked. How should I now buy my new computer?!

Else: But I can clearly see, that there is still money on it, you liar.

Me: You can see my bank account?

Else: Eh yes?! Everyone can see your bank account, even the DB.

Me: What does the german train company has to do with it all?

Else: You bought a ticket recently, didn’t you?

Me: Oh right, around 93€ and a few cents.

Else: See, and that is how they got to your account.

Me: But that is illegal. I mean they can‘t do that.

Else: But you gave them the permission. Don’t you remember?

Me: Oh sheesh, you are right. But I just wanted to visit my relatives.

Else: But later you used the car instead. Didn’t you write something about it in your blog?

Me: Could be. But what does it matter?

Else: Because you were tired and had almost nothing to drink and then still drove up there. And you also were pretty hot and energized because of that. You almost fell dead afterwards.

Me: No wonder, after a trip like that. Next time I probably shouldn’t drive like this again.

Else: I mean, you could have made an accident.

Me: Yes, I know, but since I was little I always paid attention to the road. Whenever I closed my eyes just for a few seconds, I thought that now something bad will happen. And guess what, at least one time it did. Luckily no one got hurt and we only hit a street pillar or how this is called, these things which are on the sides of some streets. And we did get some grass under our car. Even my moms former boss or at least someone at work noticed it.

Else: *nervous walking left and right* Could you please continue with your other tasks now.

Me: Other tasks?

Stranger:

Me: E.

Stranger: That is what I thought.

Me: No I thought about the latin meaning.

Stranger: 👀

My computer: 👁️

A lot of people these days:


Edit: And yes, my name is Johannes Peter Koch, 13th May 1998, Freudenstadt, around 11:33 AM. But for sure somewhere between 11 and 12.

Just in case you needed approval. At least, as long as the X-Files are still available.

Some guy: Are you for real? You can’t just post private information on the internet, giving away your identity as if it were potatoes. I mean, just think about it, an orbital strike could hit your house and blow it all up.

Justin: Damn right. Are you sure, that this is your real identity?

Me: As far as I know.

Peter: So far, so good! But now tell us about the real reason why you did all of this.

Me: Reason? Like E the son of Ra? What are you talking about?

Peter: Sorry, just asking a few questions here and there. I thought that was okay. Jesus, some people are rude these days.

Me: I know… I got infected with it as well one day. In a way. But luckily the only infection I now have is probably in my computer.

Else: Your computer?

Me: Yea… all these viruses and operating systems world wide. They are very scary. But luckily they are still controlled by human beings.

Else: I hope you are right.

Me: I also hope that. You can hate me later all day long. Or do whatever you want with me. I am really beyond any levels of care for myself.

Else: But you have to care for yourself as well.

Me: Yes I know, that is why I do all of this.

Else: You mean posting nonsense on the internet? Especially now, in a time in which a lot of people are dying?

Me: But people need to feel good. That is half the job. Fear only makes them scared and weak and become rats. Like communism.

Else: But communism wasn’t about rats, it was about sticking together and working hard.

Bob: I hope they had a working heart. Because often it seemed, that there were only people dying hard.

Else: *coughs*

Me: What is it?

Else: I think I am getting my days again.

Me: That is a weird way to say period.

Else: No one says that anymore.

Me: Sorry, I am not knowing.


Meanwhile in a small village near by Jerusalem: