Simpler than it seems

I already showed you my “design” or whatever for a chess game which would reflect in a way how I feel in this world. Besides how I got treated and what I have experienced and noticed, as well as heard and seen from many others around the world.

Usually when I do something, I do it out of a feeling or thought. Many call it intuition or some instinct, also in combination with creativity. I use these words because I have heard others using them to explain these things, so I do that as well. But I am never really sure whether it really is what I wanted to say and what the others might relate to these things. I often had situations in which others thought that I must know or understand a certain thing because of other things I did and was involved it (etc.), so they were confused when I said I had no idea or when I acted weird because I felt trapped. (Basically how it was most of the time, when I wasn’t able to do what felt right to me or at least more natural and without so much confusion.)

Okay, back to the chess part.

Besides that some people have no idea how chess works, it is clear for many, how it is supposed to be played. I mean, at least you know that there are two players, two colors (or at least two sides) and a specific number of figures and fields. And maybe that they have different functions and abilities. But the interesting part is, that this is just given by the rules some people gave this game. And in order to play the game by its rules, it can pretty confusing, depression and stressy, since there are assumed to be so many factors and things to pay attention to, that the actual intention of it gets lost. It is a game after all, I mean, every game can also be more than a game, but it is still just a game. As long as it stays a game and you play it out of joy, curiosity and a challenge you might put upon yourself, it can always be fun or interesting. Even if you lose it a lot of times. But often the other players act as if they are unbeatable because they want to feel good about themselves and what they “achieved”, that they make the whole game a serious thing. And then the fun is gone, the interest as well and also the creative part because they call everything stupid, weird and “oh, I wouldn’t do that”, whenever you do something unexpected. Because they try to make you give up on it, since they want to be the winner or they simply have no idea what they are talking about, but feel good telling others what they can’t do.

If you wouldn’t have known the rules of chess, would you have wanted to play it anyways or would you have said: “No, I don’t know how it works, therefor I can’t and so I shouldn’t.” (or something like that.)

Because this is how many people go through their whole life, thinking that they can’t or shouldn’t because they got told certain things or maybe just assumed them.

I got told a lot of things which I can’t or shouldn’t do, as if others knew what I could do. This made me believe that I can do nothing, eventhough I could do things and some things even way better or in a more interesting way than others. I just tried new things out, first made things very complicated and sometimes even pretty long and pointless seeming things, but I had fun while doing. I mean, I would sometimes pay more attention to the error messages for a few problems in code I have written then whether the code was well “designed” and formatted. But it was about the fun, about to get something going. And I knew, that in case it wouldn’t work at first or at some point, that I would find a solution very fast. So nothing to bother about. But then other people come in and say that there shouldn’t be any errors, that the code should look a certain way and also these error messages can’t stay there like that. As if: “Oooops you failed! FATALITY” and for the next one “Oooops you failed! FATALITY – 2” weren’t good messages to tell that something went wrong.

I of course also made serious messages, but only when I really had to or wanted to. But I saw no point in doing that, when it was all just for myself. I surely didn’t need a message like: “The input in the ‘name’ field was not correct. Please enter a proper name and not: IORG$()=GH§HQO%Q$J%K” to tell me that I entered nonsense. But some people seem to need that.

Anyway back to the rules… roots and this weird chess version I got here.

When you have seen it the first time, you probably had some assumtpions, maybe images and thoughts running through your mind. Maybe because of the shape, the symbols, the names and colors. Okay and maybe that it looks very weird and the figures are badly drawn, like from a little child. But.. besides that, would you think, that you could play or even win this game?

Or I should ask it in another way: “Would you dare to play and find out?”

Everything you need to know, is given on the picture. There are no more words needed. You could even win this game at first try without even knowing anything about it or even what chess is.

Now you might think: “But this can’t be.”

And I tell you, I know exactly what you mean.

When I first looked at it, I thought the same.

You: But you created it, didn’t you know how it was supposed to be played?

Well, as I said before or at least tried to, I often just do things and then later I make sense of it. Most people, I assume, do it the other way around. They first make sense of it or play out strategies and whatever before they take action. I never really was successful this way. For example when I had to make presentations in school, I just stood there and said what I had to say.

When I once was a little more nervous than usual (so not just terrified, but really terrified), I followed the advise to make some cards with a few words to help me out. Guess what, they actually even confused me more, but I think I still got through the presentation. I of course thought about what I wanted to say before at home and sometimes also went through a presentation a few times. Still, when I was presenting, the things either got out and I did something or it didn’t. But usually I said something, sometimes even in a way in which people thought I was telling them a remembered text or something. While I was just standing there, terrified and hoped that the right words would come out until I was done and could sit down again.

For some it seemed as if I was a very good free speaker, for some that I must have indoctrinated a written text and others that I am confused (or was it just me?).

So what do I mean with, that you could probably even win the game without even knowing the rules nor really understand what it is about?

If I would tell you, it will be obvious, I guess, or you just shake your head about the stupid assumption I made, that you could ever understand or that what I wrote made sense.

Let’s have a look at this:

What do you see?

Now that we talked about chess, you will probably see a chess board or fields. But this is actually wrong, while true as well.

Why is it wrong?

It is wrong because if you would have never heard of chess before or seen it, you would not really know what to say about it. So you would fall back on to your basic regocnition (or how it is called) and analyse the visuals you got. In this case probably something like: Black and gray, fields, grid, boxes, squares, repetitive, similar fields …

By the way, the fields are (by accident, I swear) actually not all similar. Some are one pixel wider or smaller or something. But I also noticed it afterwards as well and I actually didn’t pay attention to it at first because it was not important for me. I just wanted to get a chess board in digital form.

You: But you could have used an image or template.

Me: Yes of course, but I like to do things on my own, so I get a feeling for them. And also some additional thoughts and learn something about it.

Now that I have showed you a collection of squares, let us take a look on the “Devil’s Chess” again.

What have you seen now?

Someone could have seen a satanic symbol, someone maybe a spiritual one. And I bet someone have seen a soviet star somewhere. It also could be that you might have seen some flags or images from old stories and books.

Other people just saw a chess board which got deformed and unplayable.

So you see, there are many, many ways to see this picture or game or how you want to call or see it. And I had to understand that myself as well, eventhough I made this thing. Because again, I usually do things first and then make sense of it or try to find out why it was good or what it did.

Just a few days ago I was in front of our refrigirator and then I just had a russian word in my mind and I said it out loud. Then my mother said a few things in russian and I was confused. Later it turned out, that I said the russian word for refrigirator while facing it and so my mother wanted to approve it, but I had no idea what was happening. Because I had no idea what the word meant at that moment and she thought I wanted to show her that I know the word for refrigirator now. And I often have such situations, but it is hard to explain it. Especially when people want results or explanations for things before you can do something. But my brain or a part of me knows what to do, when the time has come, but the part for explanations doesn’t. So when asked what I do, I have no clue sometimes, at least not in a way I assumed normal people would think or feel.

And it is not like: “Oh, I am doing random things, hoping that something works.” Although for me personally it feels this way often and also must seem to others, but this chaos has a system. 😀 Or something like that.

So now, that you are totally bored, confused and frustrated after reading all this and looking at this weird “chess” game, you have so low self-esteem and motivation, that you give up. And you probably think, okay old man, just give me the answer and then I can move on to the next “exciting” lesson, I won’t ever get. Or just play with my phone again and watch some memes.

But hey, I have nothing against some memes. 😀 I just want to say, that you could also make some and that it could be fun. I actually made some while being at work, about work and they even weren’t all that bad. But actually I made them as an attempt to call for help, sadly it didn’t really work, I guess…


Let me tell you what I thought yesterday about how to play and win this game. Because when I first looked at it, I also thought something like: “Boy… that thing is impossible to win. I can’t really make a move.”

Why is that? And why me, while I actually came up with this thing.

(In case some else did something similar before me, I promise, I don’t want any copyrights or whatever, just let me use it, okay?)

My first impression was: “This looks very terrifying. The colors make it very hard to focus on the board and also make me feel either angry or cause headache.”

I saw all the chess figures and knew what they could do, given the chess rules. I saw that the board was even smaller than the original version because some fields are covered by the star, pentagram thingy. And I also saw, that I was alone or that there were two figures alone. Both more or less impossible to move or win. It seemed hopeless eventhough I haven’t taken the first move. I already knew there was no chance to win this thing and so I lost the game without even trying.

Some of you could think (those who don’t have much knowledge about chess and the other things), why didn’t he do this or that? And trust me, you are nearer to the solution than you think. Because what makes this game unbeatable for some or many who look at it, like I myself, although I “created” it? It is what we assume, what we got told and what we relate to things. And then they get such a power over us and make us think in a certain way, that we totally forget to think logical or at least free about it.

I will now show you one possible way to beat this game. Just one because it is up to the player or players after all. And in case you want to find out for yourself, without me telling you. (In case you didn’t find a way already.) Then please stop here and come back when you are ready. I don’t want to take this chance, so yeah, go for it! 🙂

Or like someone once said: “You shall not pass!”

For the others, or in case you returned because you either passed anyways or gave up trying, here is my first answer to this problem.

And again, it is just one way, one answer, while there could be many more. At least from my perspectives. But for myself I had the following way as the first one and also thought it was a clear way and straight forward.

Which actually is half of the answer or depending on the view, the full answer. Straight forward.

Depending on the player count (one or two against “house”), the game is won in two or three moves. Or just two, if you call both players actions as one move each time.

For my example I have used the green move as the first together with the golden one. And then the purple move as final strike. Then both of the evil twins, devils (or whatever) are beaten and the game technically is won.

But why is that and how was I able to come up with this or why is this even a thing?

The first mistake I made, was that I assumed I would have to play by chess rules. Since the whole game was at first intended as a (very weird) chess variation. But then there really is no way to beat it because even with the ability to move in every (chess) direction, would still force me to fight against a horde of peasants and other figures. A whole wall and mighty force, unbeatable by one or two figures. So I thought again about the position of the figures, especially the first one, the King-Queen.

I actually thought that it would only be one and therefor just this figure, but then it seemed so depressing and lonely, that I added the Queen-King. But yeah, therefor sorry, in case this could seem a little stereotypical or sexistic. My apology if that should be the case, I didn’t want that. Actually both figures have the same abilities just look a little different, as it is in reality as well. At least over simplified. So only the position on the board could seem unfair or problematic.

Then I thought, well, the King-Queen stands on a field (white triangle or whatever) which is not in the original chess and it stands in the middle between a white-gray and a black field. This made me think about the “edge” position or feeling or how people describe and see it. When you are beyond or between good and evil. Left and right, good and bad, black and white. At least from the old way of seeing things. And from that I came to the conclusion that there obvoisly was (at least) a third option, instead of just choosing between black and white-gray. So why not just stay on the middle line and move one step forward.

Then it was clear because the chess figures (of course assuming they would follow the rules of chess, since they were the original chess figures) wouldn’t be able to hit back, no matter what you or they do.

The next thing was, that the peasants were actually the only figures, the ones in the front, which could move. So once passed the first few peasants, the rest was easy. Why? Because the other figures then just stood in each others way, besides their inability to strike back no matter what. This made the way free towards the king, since all other figures were unable to strike or move.

So there was only a strike from both sides necessary and the first one down.

Then you move back and beat the other one together and the game is over. The two bosses were beaten and you are free, while the other figures would either still be trapped in their own misery chess board game or maybe decide to follow the example.

End of story.

So you see, that there was actually way more in this little chess whatever game picture thing, than first expected. And also way less of what you might have assumed.

Why is that?

Well, it is due to common sense (or how it is called) and the ability of the mind to think free.

“When there is no path, you make one.” (or how this quote goes)

And you know, that together with watching “The Queen’s Gambit” and some personal struggles, I was able to come up with such a thing. Although I first also didn’t know for sure what it was about.

It is always about a giving on both sides.

I also had to think about psychology and understanding each other through games. Because it was clear that the girl / woman in this series was beating all her opponents because she was playing honest, intuitive and based on what she saw. She focused on the enemy and not just or so much on the figures itself. I also wrote about something similar here at some point.

That the actual game is going on around the game you play. So when you see that the enemy is scared or just tries to impress or intimidate the enemy, you can simply ignore it and just find the weak point. Usually in the way of the intimidation because it shows the weakness of the opponent.

But the best part was, that in the end the one who lost the game, could have learned something, maybe a life lesson and the other one had fun while doing so. So both of them helped each other out and none of them lost, at least just a game and not everything. Maybe even gained something instead. One might have understood that they had way more interest in other things or a family to take care of, instead of always just winning and pushing for whatever sake.

I am curious about your ways of playing and hope that we could find each other in a match one day. Maybe as friends or opponents and then friends? Maybe just as respectful enemies, which in some ways could then also become friends. When they only “fight” each other for fun and to see who will beat the other one the next time, but would help each other out when something serious happens. Like arch-enemies in some cartoons, when they were facing a bigger enemy, which wanted to defeat them all. Then they also sometimes stopped their fighting and united against the common enemy. Because otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to continue their smaller, more playful fights.

I personally think that there should only be opponents and fighting in games which won’t actually harm one another, at least not in a serious way and not willingly. For example a video game or a chess game or a cake contest? As long as the people would just honestly want to see who might be the champ or winner this year, there could be a lot of fun and creativity and change in such contests or challenges. But the fun stops, when someone is unfair and in order to win, cheats in a way which harms others, usually willingly or just ignoring the possibility. Like letting chemicals into big rivers, burning houses and torture and such things.

This has nothing to do with a fair fight, unity and challenges or whatever, it is just evil, egoistic and will harm us all at some point.

Some say: “Life isn’t fair.”

And I can say, they are right.

But I can also say, that this should only be a conclusion of the current and past state of life, but not how many would want it and how it could and should be.

Fairness doesn’t mean, that everything has to be the same or that everyone has to be able to do things in the same way. (I hope this is not too confusing or misleading). I simply mean, that there could be a fair way of life, while some factors would still be “unfair”, when seen from an old or basic perspeective.

For example: When you let a little man fight against a very big man, then this fight could be seen as unfair because they didn’t have at least a similar height. But there it starts because how should you know for whom the fight would be unfair or whether it actually is unfair at all? You would just assume (probably) that the smaller guy will lose because you might think: Big wins over small, but this is nonsense. Complete nonsense.

In some video games, some stories and maybe life experiences, you saw and can notice that often the smaller guy actually wins. Either because he was faster, was able to hit the opponent in other ways or such things. And then the bigger one could maybe have other abilites which the little ones doesn’t have, besides the height.

So when you start to try to create a fair fight, you end up creating clones fighting each other and no matter what, the clone always wins or loses, since they would be both equally strong or weak. Then you would have a mathematical way of seeing the outcome of a fight in numbers and values and totally forget the meaning, purpose or reasons. Maybe even that it started as a game and wasn’t even meant to harm anyone, while some made a whole war concept out of it, since it always has been this way. Hasn’t it?

I hope you got something from this and hopefully something good. 🙂

I know some people already know all this and have no need to read all this. But most people don’t have this freedom. Not meaning that they can’t have it or don’t want it, they simply can’t feel or see it anymore. Because of all what was and what they got told and so on. Like I first thought that this “Devil’s Chess” (or whatever) game was unbeatable, while it then turned out to be very easy, while I haven’t even had to come up with any additional rules or thoughts. It was more the opposite, I had to get rid of a lot of rules and additional thoughs. Not completely of course, but for this game. Knowing the things which held me back, is not a problem and never was, but letting them controlling my life, made it impossible to live at all.

The weird part is and probably a lot of you can relate to it, that I actually knew that life was simple and could be fun and all, when I was little. So it is not new, not a new discovery or something, more like: “Oh wait, yes, I remember.”

And the more nonsense you had to remember which got in your head becaues of others or what you put in there yourself, the harder it gets to remember the important things. The simple things, like “living”.

You should really try it, it is pretty great, but most people don’t do it and don’t want you to have it either. But I am sure most would want to have it, when they would finally see, what they have been missing the whole time.

The fun part.

It is still pretty sick, that I had to make my feel horrible and miserable (additionally to what others already did), because I felt alone with the fun and easy way of life. It is also stupid in a way, but don’t call it this way, if you haven’t seen or felt what I have felt. It wasn’t funny at all…

And well, I guess my mind was so strong that it just wanted this fun back, although it knew it would probably never get it, that it forced me to fight back. Against all logic and possibility, since I already knew it was pointless, thought it all through so, so many times. But guess what, it was good that my brain worked in the way it works. First doing something right (or at least something possibly helpful) and then trying to find the reason or explanation for it afterwards. Otherwise I would have not started all this and would have ended up dead. I mean I still could end up this way, but only if I would not be able to find back to this beating heart.

I also of course don’t want to leave you all and that, but this was always something which actually made it even harder for me to live because in the end in the trial to not hurt others I did hurt myself the most. And so the reason: “But what about the others.” always turned into: “You have to live because of them and hopefully die soon for their sake.” Which of course wasn’t the original intention, but also could bring a new light on the topic suicide and depression.

I mean besides all trauma and a shit load of other problems, I also got depressed and suicidal because I was too optimistic. Sounds weird, but sadly is the truth. I was too positive and because I seemed to be alone with it, I got almost the opposite. Everything got pointless at some point, literally everything. And my friends, we have had enough of this pointless things, let us make a point somewhere and continue with a new sentence. Many sentences, about friendship and fun and not hatred and death.

When I was little I knew that watching horror for example, was making me stronger, faced some fears and also was interesting. But I also watched things like this and understood, how fun things could be after all.

And so I felt pretty good about myself, at least inside, besides all the paradox misery and painful experiences I went through, since I survived and could find new people and things. But yea… too much is too much and while I often got up again, I felt weaker and weaker. Mainly because I was so confused and alone. Surely with people around me, but not really connected with them.

This year it changed and so besides all the bad things this year put on top of us, many also found good things and remembered things. Many great things were done this year and together we can face this situation. But only if we start to make our own decisions and care for ourselves and each other. It won’t work, when we fear each other even more. I mean, should we die anyway, then why is everyone so scared? And in case we don’t, then it is even less logical to be scared.

Fear is really a very evil tool… No one should ever use it. I mean against others. And also fight the fear inside and not let it take over. I was pretty fearless as a little child and even baby already. Only because I gave up for others sake or what they told me, fear could take over. It was good because so I could understand, but by all means, I really wouldn’t want to go through all this again. You can say what you want, but no, just no. One time is enough. Especially when there are so many things which we could experience instead, so much fun and happiness. Even building a wall could be fun, when its only purpose would be to play with it or for a house maybe.

Many things which might be or seem painful right now, could actually be fun and painless together with friends and or family. But somethings, some things should just never be. We survived them, but it doesn’t mean that they were necessary. Only for the moment we can say the good in them, so we can make things good because of them. But if there wouldn’t have been such crazy things in the first place, we wouldn’t have had to go through them. And it is good that we survived and very sad that many didn’t. But it would be even more sad, if all they died for and we fought for, was nothing in the end because someone decided to take it all for themselves. Life is meant for everyone and not just a few people with power.

So you see, that’s why we need to get a little happier and less dramatic all together. And especially stop making our lives even more painful and hard, while they shouldn’t be like that at all.

And I think you don’t want this imperical thing, do you?

But it actually is already here. Just look outside the window…

They know what they do.

I can’t live with all these cameras watching me every day.

We have to think about our children.

We have to stick together, otherwise we won’t surive.


These are just sentences they said in german, in these trailers.

Coincidence? I think …………. <enter missing word>

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