What a Nightmare

This morning I decided to take a walk through the villages and the town.

And man was this walk depressing in the beginning, mainly when I was walking through the streets. Almost every car was either white, gray or black. And a few had some other very dark colors. I only saw maybe a handful of cars with colors like green or bright blue or red.

And while they then still were of course pretty monotone because of their single color way, at least a little better. The houses also were all so similar. White walls, red or dark roofs. Sometimes even gray walls and a few black walls. I mean, I was so happy to see a few houses which still had at least a little wood or other natural things. Gray streets, monotone colors, black, gray, white…. man that was depressing. And I mean we are talking about a town with some villages which together make around 11,000 people. And my village has just a few hundred people. And it is in the middle of the Black Forest. Man… even more depressing how unnatural everything is even in such a small place.

Luckily I then walked through the forest again and man, I felt so safe again, almost forgot that I just walked through the nightmare of reality or the illusion of it.

I even saw a squirrel crossing my way and then the trees began to rustle on one side of the path and a lot of leaves were falling down. It honestly irritated me a little because there were so many leaves falling from one tree at the same time, it was almost like rain. I would even say it shocked me for a second.

But then I heard some birds and the sun through the trees was magical.

I have also seen fog above the town in the valley. There was so much fog there, that it seemed as if behind the forest the world would end. Just clouds or fog and nothing more. But in a way it seemed beautiful, as if I was walking on an island up high in the clouds.

While I was walking through the villages and the town, I had a very pessimistic pattern of thoughts and also was scared and shocked. I mean, of course these things are not really new and I have seen it before many times, but not in this way. At least not in a long time.

And while walking through the forest I just had so much positive thoughts and visions, that I could have walked for miles and miles (kilometres). I actually walked a few and to be honest was a little tired near the end, but not the first time. This year I usually just went outside at night, but today I just had to walk during daylight. Both is great, but during day time other people walk there as well and today was no exception. One of them even had her phone out and made some pictures. Others were just jogging or walking with their dog.

But it feels not safe when I meet people there, at least most of the time. I am just not on the same “wavelength” or whatever. The animals somehow seem to be. Some cows looked at me and one was even scared for a second. And I also saw some horses which looked after me. Probably sad, that I was just passing by.

You know, people use to break the will of animals, so they are easier to handle. And since people are often also just animals, they do it to each other as well…

It is just so sad altogether. I really wish I would still have this piece of forest land which was own by my grandparents. Then I might would have been able to at least build a small cabin there or something to seek shelter.

Instead I look outside of the window in my room and see black, gray and white cars. A big gray-white factory building and fences. This ain’t home.

Even as a child I thought that these things all look very roman like. And now it is even worse and looks alike. As if it was all the same old nighmare.

Even the insect / bee hotel an old teacher which I had in elementary school one set up is gone. At least I assume it was his idea, since he was the one who showed us nature and how potatoes can produce electricity and so many things. Good man, just sad that so many didn’t like him.

But such things happen to people who actually care about things.

When I see the trees losing their leaves like every year, I think, good that they will grow again in a few months. And so I believe in nature.

But when I see the houses, the people and cars and the abscense of natural things in them, I wanna scream and cry because it makes me wanna die.

In the forest I am safe, su much safer than at home. Although between home and the forest lies just a factory and a street. There are worlds between it, way too many worlds…

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