It’s lost… isn’t it…

Do you know that my grandfather told my mother about some things he found out?

Well, obviously some time ago, some decades.

And also someone close to the family worked for a secret lab.

A russian soldier (after some alcohol), told that they had killed a chinese invasion with lasers on the border. You have to know that my mother and her family lived in Kazakhstan some time, near the chinese border. And at that time it was said, that the chinese had planned an invasion, but nothing happened. And I mean, that was in the 60s I think, with USSR and all that.

He or someone close also noticed once, that a big plane was landing there in the middle of nowhere. A place where it was said to be just desert or at least inhabitable land.

And this one man who once worked for the government (I think it was the USSR one and not amercian, but it makes no difference really). He told that they were working on a creation of small or at least stupid minded humans, who would then serve as slaves, while not realizing it because they wouldn’t be able to think far enough.

If I now look at the world, I see that they were successful for the most part. While against the original plan, they just used their knowledge to manipulate almost everyone. And again, that is all from half a century ago.

So they had enough time to make it better and like in Georg Orwells 1984 (the book, not the movie), create a perfect systematic world.

He couldn’t know how exactly it would look, but had a very good vision in mind. But it is actually worse than he thought. This is why noone or almost noone gets behind it. Because noone thinks far enough that someone would set several kinds of different conflicting groups in place, while in the end controlling them all. So this way there would be the illusion of freedom and therefor choice, while in the end it is all the same. Not because it should be, but because it is lead by the same power.

Really… I wonder how many people can imagine a world without money, without too much technology anymore. I am not against technology, I am against the way how it is produced, used and how noone really understands it. And this is not coincidence, it is systemmatic.

Because otherwise people could use it against those who actually control everything. And before you think it is the politics, no, they have no idea themselves or if so, then they are probably supporting or fearing it.

Why is it that people try to solve problems through politics, through companies / corporations, laws and money, when all these things actually are causing the problems?

Because they don’t understand anymore how nature works.

That trees grow on their own, that animals grow on their own.

That in nature there is no education needed, no one who builds prisons, tells you what to think or do. But they did a good job erasing nature, modifying it and selling it to you.

Since noone asks questions, because they are all already too stupid. Not because they should be or that I want them to be, it is that it is easier to manipulate them.

I mean, it is normal to get rid of a baby that is said to have autism or whatever sickness doctors tell you about. But the thing is, how should you know, that it is true what they say? How should they know themselves? I mean when they get tests from some labs and just assume that it must be correct. So that maybe they themselves believe that it is correct.

There was a woman my mother knew who got told by probably three different doctors, that her child will be impaired (I hope that is the correct word). But she wanted this child anyways and so she and her husband bought everything necessary, only to get a completely healthy child.

And given that my mother also got recommended to do such tests because she was already 41 when I was born. Because it is said to be “normal” that at that age a woman usually can’t get children anymore or only impaired ones. But instead I was the most intelligent child, even the doctor was kind of shocked. Because I even giving him the hand and was respectful while being just a few years old.

And I was more intelligent than anyone in my class. But because of that I kept quiet for the most part. Because I knew that everything was weird, paradox and made no sense. But hey… it makes sense when you understand that it is meant to be an illusion. And that it is meant to be this way, that intelligent people get wiped out or called crazy. Since they could actually get behind the truth. While most other people then get some work and activities and activism to do, as if that would help or make a difference.

If the governments and corporations would really want to save the earth, then they should simply stop existsing and letting the people live. Because there are some people who plant forests with the help of young people. But guess what these are old people and when they will be dead, the young people probably won’t know what to do.

And given that most of them believe what they got told, it is no wonder.

In reality there are a few people against millions or billions.

And like when I was little and saw that it was hopeless to try to explain people what is going on or at least what is mostlikely possible and happening. It is still hopeless. But since I might die soon no matter what, I can at least write something down here. Since it gives me at least the illusion that there could be hope. And who knows, maybe there will be someone in the high castles who finds it and wakes up. But instead it will probably the opposite.

If you understand that many things said to be entertainment, are not “just” entertainment, then you know that we are doomed.

Most people think we live in a paradise or a world with all possibilities. But they don’t get, that they have no control over it and that they might not even live at all. Just like kettle in a farm or trees in a forest, until something or someone comes along and kills them. Since they are dying each day more and more. There is no need to kill a human these days, because they do it themselves. Either through their food and what they drink. Through the work which is said to be normal, but makes one sick. Or simply by suicide because they can’t do it anymore. I wonder how many animals did that in nature, when it still existed. Probably not so many….

But hey, that is all normal, average and therefor must be okay. Since it is logical that young people want to die and all.

Not realizing that young people are still able to think for themselves or at least sometimes. And that they realize that everything is doomed, hopeless and their future got wiped out but these evil bastards leading this world.

And again, we are not necessarily talking about politics, they are just puppets. We are talking about people who sit in the background, who have secret labs, armies and all that. But hey… since movies also showed similar things, this must be fake and therefor not possible.

Bullshit. At best some people don’t realize that they are writing stories based on actual events. At worst it is not “coincidence” and therefor done to test how many people get that it is reality they get presented. Of course not meaning that every movie, song etc. does that. But often things which are said to be bad and not worth watching (by so called critiques who of course know “everything”). And how “convinient” that these things usually not get seen or heard by most people. Because then they could maybe get some ideas. And who likes ideas… they are for loosers. Because everyone knows, that no human alone could come up with great things. And especially not threw dreams or creative thoughts. Even thoughts are “of course” not under your own control. Because a human is “of course” not able to think.

At least that is what people get told these days….

And then they believe it and think. Yeah, well when the scientists or teachers say that, then it must be true. And then they think that it makes sense because it will make sense since most people will think similar then.

And as I said, those who question it will be called insane, sick or whatever. And this happens, like it happened in the past.

Then you throw in some people who then “of course” are on the side of the people who start to question things as well. To calm them down and explain them why they are feeling this way.

It is all a rigged “game” someone created or something or a group, to control most of the population. At least as long as necessary. Because it is still cheaper to use living robots and also more fun, because they can actually feel. So you can play diabolic games with them and let them believe that they have a chance. Because with robots this would be boring, since they would just break. But humans suffer, mostly inside in civilized areas or in general when it comes to the rest. ISN’T IT FUN!?

And the best part is, when they don’t suffer anymore, since you successfully wiped out intelligent brain functions. So they wouldn’t even be able to think far enough to come to such conclusions. And then you can do with them whatever you want.

Almost everything I see in the world backs my conclusion, although I don’t know all details and what or who exactly controls it. I just know that it is still how it was 15-20 years ago, when I was a little kid. Only that it got worse, while of course most people think it got better. Or whatever they thought.

I personally just wait for my death or that someone who is still able to think and act, does something big. But since I think that like it was when I was little and thought everything through, ~10 years ago, now it just got harder.

And again, if there should actually be someone more intelligent than me who is not working for any government, corporations or weird charity. Who is just working for themselves and maybe some people who support each other. Please…. please do something.

But I guess it is how the children say: “IT IS TOO LATE!”

How I thought 10 or 15 years ago.

I sometimes thought about it, but always came to the same result.

That it is all rigged and those in power, who won’t get voted for or can’t get taken down. That they probably won decades ago.

Won, meaning, that the only resistance are people like me and maybe you. And that even we don’t really know how we should fight against them. Because almost everything is under their control, except for our mind. But even that is not given these days. Only if you have a strong will to live and to fight against the fear, no matter what scares you, you will be able to withstand against the madness planted in your brain.

Pills won’t help you, psychiatry won’t help you, medicine in general won’t help you. If you know someone there you can really trust, they could maybe still assist you and I know that some people following me are from this area. Again, I am not against the individual human and I know that it isn’t your fault. Because most of us were told things others want us to believe.

The only thing which helps is either a strong will or some people who have a strong will and then help you to build up one on your own. It is nothing you have to change about yourself, since every human is a living being and shouldn’t be told to be different or get broken, so others can tell you how to be fixed.

School even teaches you or at least when I went to school, that the brain shutsdown when there is too much information.

The same school gives the children too much information.

The governement gives too much information and basically everyone and everything. While the brain is by nature not made to work like this. But hey, we just give them pills, give them some things to relax and shutdown completely. This will do the job. Because most-likely it does. Because that is the whole point of it all. To shutdown the major brain functions. To later even tell the people that humans are just like this and then explain the misery someone or something created willingly as normal.

Just to develop it further, make more and more people the way you want them to until you either have what you want or whatever happens afterwards.

I mean these beings or people or whatever machine lunatic heads are ruling the world in secret. When this planet is finally a pile of sand, they could just drop some bombs or whatever or let the people kill eachother, while they then would lift off and search the next planet.

And then another, and another one, and so on.

Like in the miracles: And if they didn’t die, they harvest and control until all eternity.

Or whatever…..

And do you know what democracy therefor is bullshit? Because most people will not be able to think for themselves and therefor always vote for those who are said to be the right choice. By whoever wants them to do so.

It worked in the past and works up until today.

I mean, like in the U.S. they don’t even question anymore, if they ever did, why there are only two parties to choose from.

I mean, they are basically doing the same and people know and some companies even support both parties. And the best part is, that there actually are other parties, but noone cares, knows them or even votes them. Only a few, if even. And guess what…. it is said to be normal.

And in Germany it is the same. Only that in Germany they now started to push the green party, because they understood that more intelligent or smarter people realize that it is time for nature. …….yeah…..

And the green party will of course do that for them. Even if they would want to, the politicians usually have no idea what is possible and trust experts who are then usually from corporations or paid by them.

And the people will follow, like they always did and do.

And then people like me are ignored or said to be the problems.

And then people like me kill themselves.

And all what others say about it our death: “It is tragic. If only someone would have helped them.” or “if they only would have taken their pills as we told them to” or “why did they leave us, such egoists.” or “why does such a good soul do such a thing?”.

As if they have no brains on their own. But yeah… probably this is the case and not even their fault. Since they were already born as slaves, without their knowledge.

Because slavery is doing something which harms you, is against your will and you can’t do much about it.

Most people who work for others:

(Or themselves, but still for the governemtn)

The people will die happy because they are already not able to think enough to be sad. At least most people. And the rest is too exhausted, depressed and broken to do a thing either.

If you tell me, that there is hope, then show me. Because I can also see for myself, that most people do paradox things, beliving it is “normal” and therefor right and therefor how things work.

Totally ignoring that secret agencies have developed all kinds of technology, biological, chemicals and nuclear, which can and is used to control us.

Even if not, and this is very, very low “even”, then it is still possible and mostlikely. But from experience, like with family, people I know or knew, people use whatever they can for their own benefit. Or at least what they believe to be benefit. Like my father who “just” wants to help, by completely destroying my mothers and my life. Or my mother who after constantly being broken by people throughout her life, now also complains about me.

I wonder how trees would do that… OH WAIT… they are dead.

I guess that people like me and maybe you, or artists, are (when they know what is going on) like those guys on the Titanic. Playing a last song, until the whole thing goes under. And then maybe a few survive. But I probably won’t be one of them. And mostlikely it would be those who caused all this mess in the first place.

Because if people like Einstein or Nikola Tesla actually would be been supported, instead of ignored or shamed, then we would probably actually live in a paradise like world. Instead we live in an illusion of paradise which is actually almost the opposite. But it works because people who were born into this, don’t know the difference anymore. And since the people who lived before these times are all dead or at least most of them, we have noone who could actually tell you, how live was before. You only have stories and ideas. But most of the evidence is either gone, could be fake or is just not really making sense.

I don’t want fame, I hate fame. I don’t want money, I hate money because it is one of the root causes of all evil. I don’t want that people believe me, but most people believe anything or anyone but me anyways. I just want that people really think on their own, try to get as much information as they can from people who might still live. And then try to find a way to fight back.

Because old people can tell you, what many don’t even know anymore or can think of. Because you really can tell people anything these days and they will believe it. I have seen it with relatives, some friends I had and even myself, when I let everything just happen to me because I gave in or up. After some time I really thought that things were okay, while some years before I knew that everything was hopeless. My poems I wrote during secondary school 2008-14 and also in the later years, they speak for themselves. While some poems could seem positive, but they are just like wishes or hopeless dreams.

And many poems are lost or still not published.

I don’t need anything. I don’t need help to live. I managed to do so my whole life, since no one really cared and everyone just wanted that I work, continue to do what everyone does.

In the next post I will write about how suicidal thoughts and depression actually made me stronger, but in the same time gave me the realization that my depression wasn’t biological or whatever. But simply based on reality. So people who want to die, could just see reality for how it most-likely actually is. While most people who are still happy most of the time, think they know better. Obviously because others told them that this is right. (Like with the child/teenage depression being normal these days part. Even my parents said that and tried to get me medications or a therapist. But luckily the guy in the clinic realized that I wasn’t the problem. But sadly I still was deeply hurt, broken and alone. Because my heart was broken. Because I knew that the world we live in, is hell for the most part. And gets turned into it more and more each day.)

And when imagination really is telling something about ones intelligence, what I would say as well, given Einstein and Nikola Tesla or similar people. Then I am probably one of the last intelligent people on earth. At least when I look around me and see my people die…

Because these days imagination is said to be fake or the mind playing tricks and therefor not good and has to be suppressed by all cost with pills or whatever they can find.

Some people still believe there is good and some people are good… but being good isn’t enough. If you want to win and really save earth and life.


  1. Dear John, I read your post and can relate very well with what you are saying. It is hard to know these things and not lose yourself in the knowing.
    Alan Watt from cutting through the matrix is a good resource.
    Sending you hugs and lots of love ❤️ ❤️🤗🤗

    Liked by 1 person

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