Hey, I know that some of you care.
And I know that I love some of the people who read my blog.
But I really should stop this now and finally “let go”.
Maybe when I managed to print this weird blog book thing, I will not only have not enough paper, but also fullfilled my life purpose.
And then I can burn it and I am finally free between the trees.
It was interesting sharing my life, my thoughts and what I always wanted to say. But as it always is, the good things (or in my case, ugly things), have to end at some point.
And what better way to say good bye with some peaceful, nostalgic music, after a year of puring my heart out.
Salute to you my fellow human, who is just like me.
Salute to you all.
But I guess I won’t print this thing…
Maybe one day…
Maybe when earth is either a dusty planet full of sand and wasteland I will return or should it somehow be a paradise again.
I really have to force myself to stop making posts.
But luckily there is no standard, no real point, start or end.
So I can just leave whenever I want.
Maybe until next time, but since I don’t want this pain anymore and I also don’t want to see how my future is written in stone, like it was since my childhood. I will break this stone and use it to burry me.
All these “nice” people who make you want to die…
You weren’t part of it, as far as I can say, but I am basically alive and dead sinc last year. So hey… I know that I won’t be able to continue what I am doing now forever. Given my family, my situation, the thing with money which shouldn’t be a thing, but sadly everyone wants it. So yeah… In a year I will be dead either way. And noone will get me into one of these hospitals again. Because then they wouldn’t let me die nor live as well and thank you, but no thank you, I already got that in my own house. So I don’t need an expensive replacement for that which then would even worse.
Because I wouldn’t be able to stay there forever and my problem is not fixable, since it is the whole world. It always was and will be. And when noone stops this madness and lets nature be, people be themselves and stop all this weird laws, taxes, rules and corporation work doctrine…
yeah… that won’t happen any time soon, would it.
I waited two decades… others waited hundred years. And the rest died or even supported it.
So what do I expect. I expect nothing.
So when I die, at least I would have something to be surprised with, since I expect nothing, it can only get better. Right? I mean, is there something worse than living a complete fake life, while knowing that each day you die from pain and it gets worse? No? Yes?
I mean there could be this heaven, somewhere. And I mean, if I were to say who will go there, than definitely the people I found during this year, at least most of them. But no, it is not me and I also would be more happy to live here on earth with nature and all.
I think I will call this book, in case I will make it an actual book:
Who are you?
– One way to see the world –
Please, help / kill me!
But all people would think of are pills, doctors and medicine. No one thinks about simple love, friendship or nature and freedom. Since guess what… it is all fake.
At least when I see all the people around me and what they do or believe. And yes I myself am also guilty, but hey, I have not many options here.
- my father complains himself to death and doesn’t let me and my mother live
- my mother works herself to death
- and I love myself to death, since I am sick of loving a life which isn’t one
And they died happily until all eternity.
You: But when you love me and the other people, why would you leave us alone?
Me: Because I don’t really help you, do I? Because I will get crazy again soon and I don’t want that. Because I survived this psychadelic hell without a good ending for more than 22 years now, while wanted it to be over after 16. Since I don’t need other people to tell me, that I will never be free. Unless I would either know some people or the earth would be free at last.
You: But you could make that happen.
Me: If out of around 8 billion people only I am able to do that…
You: But there is hope when you are here.
Me: And when I should make it all right, then I am afraid that I am not strong after all. Shaking in pain, crying inside and screaming silently.
You: Can I do something?
Me: Survive instead of me.
You: But I need you.
Me: I know… but I can’t resist too much longer. All I wanted was nature and freedom. All we got is torture and fandom.
End of contract.
End of service.
End of file.
End of life.
All good things come to an end.
But no one asked why, or everyone is scared to say a word.
Not everyone, but not enough. And not those who should speak.
No one would listen to them anyway, I guess…
I don’t want to do this anymore.
Each day is like my last because I wish it to be the last.
One year of feelings:
All my (public) music (or whatever) tracks.
Post No.: 740