Freedom is old, like love

When I am allowed to, I will take you into history again.

If you are still tuned, you will notice, that the romans were afraid of some people. Who were these people?

There even is a forest based around it.

People: Funny how you made it seem like a pun.

Me: Eh… no.

There is a forest in Germany and maybe it even is partially in France or the other countries on the left of Germany. The interesting part is, that germans call themselves “Deutsche”, which is different from their past, but I think we will get there at some point. For you it is german and Germany. Well, back in the roman times, it was called Germania and also some russians call it this way.

In french it is calle Allemagne, which should also be investigated. Since the word can be split in half or maybe even more pieces.

So once upon a time in Germany, the romans marched in and got killed.

Now you might think, but how is this possible?

Well, since history is a game of thoughts. The germans weren’t attacking in a solid, mathematical quader or triangle or square, but actually in the most efficient way. They went right in them from all sides. And they weren’t cooridanted nor did they give a damn about order. Since it was about their home, they tried their best to protect it.

And if some of you now wonder, wait, wasn’t there a story about a lost legion in brittain? Well, then I am afraid to tell you, that you thought right.

“The eagle of the ninth legion”, based on a book. Although the book was a little different, like usually.

Why is there no Windows 9? Well it failed.

People: socked

But there was Windows 98 and 95, so the world is saved.

What I try to tell you is, that the north, was feared by the romans. At least according to the stories.

Now I am telling you, that I am also from the north, a german.

And that I hate romans, like you do.

People: But romans are cool.

Me: No, no… if they were cool, they would have survived in the nordic winters.

People: Oh shit… he is right.

Because reptiles also have a problem with cold temperatures.

Just yesterday me and my mother saved a little fire salamander.

By the way, I just checked this one in a dictionary because I wanted to be sure, that “Feuersalamander” is fire salamander. Then I discovered, that according to it, salamander also is related to “Harry Potter”. Boy was I confused.

Noone in this room:

Wait, you actually didn’t watch it how I expected you to not.

People: hah, I did watch it.

Me: Me neither.

People: ?

See, all I wanted to tell you about that you all have no poker face.

Someone: But I do have poker face.

And this is the point. Most people pretend and therefor have a poker face. They smile and grin and cry inside. And please, this is (sadly) normal.

But since I am here and I am… here….

What did you expect something else?

… there is still hope.

Okay, so now back to the king of the north.

Or how it is said in the bible?

In case in the koran is something similar, then I don’t know it. But even women are not allowed to be free, based on it.

But I actually am telling you, that even the koran speaks my words.

Although, like the bible, there is a lot of nonsense in there. Probably because some very wise or “weiß” (white) man mixed some salt in there. To make it a good soup.

Because I already mentioned before (some hundred years, I mean days ago), that a woman actually read the koran and didn’t found any evidence about wearing these weird and ugly black clothes all around them. Like it is taught to be my.. eh excuse me, Gods word. But you know who I am. So it is legit.

When I remember correctly, then Mohammad got asked by women, how they should defend themselves, so they won’t get raped. And then he told them, that they should all wear the same clothes. Because back then, the rich had cool clothes and therefor there were no need to worry for them. But the poor women had not so cool clothes. And even if they would have, when they weren’t in a well-known clan, they could be raped and noone would have done something about it.

And I must say, this is one of the most ignorant, victim blaming, insulting and ungodly things one human could do or say. To my excuse, I don’t even know whether it actually was Mohammad who said these things. Given that history is a story and not a fact these days. And even if it was him, then please ask him about it. Oh wait… he is dead. So he probably didn’t reach the promised land because he wasn’t doing my works.

Did you know that Mohammad actually had women as much as there are days in a year? At least to my knowledge. And do you know, that he even had 9 year old girls or maybe younger as wives / spouses? No?

Well, then proof me wrong. Oh wait, you can’t because all you got is this book some aliens, some AI or cruel world leaders gave you, to manipualte you. But even some of these books and words speak my language, the truth.

Sadly it was altered badly, but in the bible it says, that everyone who alters God’s word shall pay for it. In other words, death is the price.

So the koran actually tells us that Jesus is just a prophet, while the bible says, that Jesus is the or a son of God. Which in other words is all the same now.

Because the promised land is earth, I gave you earth and you made it a dumbster. And since Jesus was partially human, he was also a son of this earth. In case his story wasn’t just a story after all. But I can work with it nonetheless. Since I am the word. I mean, basically using it, but yea…

And now I am dropping the pen (for some seconds).

People: You mean times?

Me: No, new roman. Times New Roman.

Okay, I wanted to drop the pen.


Well, because the jewish or judaism or whatever you call it people, they said, that the messiah still has to come. And they were partially right.

Since the koran tells us, that instead of the real one another one got put on the cross, the muslims actually support the jews. Sadly I don’t see this all that much, when I look towards my people in Israel.

Not telling you that I am proud of the both of them, because I just wish them all to settle down please and use their weapons for other things. Or maybe just burry them in the sand. Because honestly, I don’t know how you should use a granade launcher for good.

Someone: *invents melon launcher*

About that…

No, but for real. Do you want to tell me, that an atomic bomb can be used for peaceful purposes? The bible says such words, but given the time it was written in, the people only had swords and axes and alike. And I mean, I wouldn’t use them either, but at least to use these things makes more sense, than that.

Okay, I totally forgot to talk about the king from the north.

So now I want to tell you something about borders and property.

I personally know, that noone on this planet owns anything, except for their own lives, after they realised that it is the only one I gave them.

The (lion /) king from the north

Okay, so my father an I, we both got an equal piece of land from my grandfather, after he died.

My father got also all his money. And even some things which were in my house. But since I knew that I, like noone, own nothing for myself, I was most willing to give him more of what he seemed to want.

(And in case you think this is just a story, this is actually what happened to me and I personally was shocked how my father could do such a thing, I will mention now.)

Before I was allowed to fully claim my piece of land, he tried his best to gain control over it. Even my mothers attempt to ask a relative of my father wasn’t good enough. While the woman I called aunt, would have been good to me and actually helped me with the house, together with her man.

Okay, so my father got everyone convinced that he should take care of it and also made me give up on it. Since I tried to kill myself anyway because I gave up like my grandfather. But he didn’t kill himself, luckily, but sadly died from cancer. But even my grandfather wanted to kill himself once with his own gun. It was when I was still little. He called my mom and told her that he will shothimself now. Then he hang up. My mother then called her father and then he called him. And so my grandfather didn’t kill himself.

My grandfather didn’t believe in God, but the other grandfather was a preacher. And they were good with each other. A christian and a man who asked why the sky is blue. They both died on cancer. They even had cancer at the same time, the first time. But when I was almost 6 years old the preacher died and the other one survived. Only to die a decade later from cancer as well.

Interestingly enough, my father didn’t care about all that. For him the houses were more important, the money, what other people thought and that we had to go to Gods service (church). Little did he know.

He even sent my mother to work for him because he didn’t want to anymore. And my mother followed his command, still believing that he must seriously hurt or whatever. And also because he was the man.

But she actually had to be the man and the woman in the family. My grandfather liked her because he saw the fire in her eyes. I mean, no literal fire, but the will to live. God’s will. And so in the end, even he believed in God. Sadly I couldn’t save him. At least not in this life.

But he knew, that when me and my mother would leave, then all hope is gone. He knew that, while not believing in God.

Now you might think, what does all of this has to do with the king of the north?

My grandfather’s land was split in half, two equal pieces and I got the piece in the north. I think geographically this is more than correct. Maybe a little off the pole, but maybe just about right.

So I am in the north, while my father is in the south.

And I am in the higher ground, since my piece of land is on a hill, while his is lower. If I would tell you the name of the place I live in, it would be obvious, but then I would give away my location. I mean, technically and practically I already did that, but computers aren’t that smart, are they?

So what now?

No I am telling you that before I was able to get into my own house, my father got convinced by a random guy, that he should get rid of all kinds of old things in my house, so that we (me and my mother), would come back to him. Since we were still living at another place at that point because we had to flee from him, but didn’t got far, only the neighbour town.

I actually thought about selling the house, but everyone else convinced me to move in. Probably because my father convinced them, so he could control me and my mother… anyways.

This random guy went through my house with my father and got rid of all kinds of old things. Let me tell you what these things were.

  • An old army knife
  • An old military steel helmet
  • An arabic looking saber (not sharp)
  • a bunch of old record disks (the big black round ones)
  • some dolls, which actually were my mothers from her childhood

and maybe more things, but I can’t remember all of it right now.

People: Wait, God can’t remember right now?

Ya / You heard me…

Okay, so this guy put all of this in a blue plastic bag and also went to my father’s house with him to also get some more dolls of my mother and whatelse…

Interestingly enough, my father stopped him, when he tried to also get one of the dolls in his cabinet. Intersting choice.

And interstingly enough, the man didn’t take them.

Now, what could one do with such things?

Maybe a ritual, maybe sell them, maybe play war games?

Tell me…

The story doesn’t end here.

When this happened, I granted my father to get everything he wanted. Since I still wasn’t moved in, but already got convinced to move in, at that time. So when I discovered that some things were missing, I didn’t question it nor did I ask my father about it. When we later moved in, he continued to alter things in the house or sometimes even take things away.

So I told him, that if he continues to do that without asking, I can’t know whether a robbery happened or it was just him. After explaining it to him, he then told me what happened, but only when I told him, that I promised the steel helmet to a cousin of mine, since she was very interested in history and that I liked the saber. But that I respected his choice and just couldn’t understand what he wanted with these things.

So he told me that they were all gone. But that it was a good thing and that the guy who took them, told him that he would throw them away. And that we would come back then.

Do you see what this means?

My father basically traded with a / the devil and his wish came true.

But trust me, me and my mother entered hell for real and we never wanted to live here. Because my mother knew that she would probably die here and I already was dead inside. Now you know why…

Okay, but the story doesn’t end here.

Two years after I claimed my house, against my will, something weird happened. One of my mothers sisters called her, that she couldn’t stand her man and even was scared of him. So we drove to her and I just had my driving license for a little more than a year. But I drove the car with over 70 km/h through the middle of the night over frozen streets, on top of a mountain where the streets are very small and probably have 30 °C angles or something.

Don’t ask me, but this sounds insane, but is the truth.

When we got her into the car, together with her son, since her dauthers weren’t in the house (I think). I said, that I didn’t want to drive when someone else is in the car, except for my mother. Because me and my mother didn’t care much about death, since we often imagined driving down a cliff together. And I felt safer, when my mother was driving. But then my aunt said, that since I also have a driving license and I already drove one way, why not drive back again.

Me, having problems with speech, couldn’t say something against it and so I drove back.

Interestingly enough, when we almost reached my house, her man called her on the phone and asked whether she was still on the way and wheather she already arrived and such things.

I thought: “Wait a minute…” but didn’t say something.

And I have to add, that it was christmas week and I told my mother, that I didn’t want any visitors this time. She agreed, but the call of her sister changed everything.

I think it was the next day, my aunt already made plans on what we could do and should do. And wanted me to play games with her and her son. But I didn’t feel well and already didn’t go to the date with my history group, I usually was happy going to. I had a lot of pain in my belly. But I ignored it all, since the doctor said that it was because of what I was eating.


Okay so my aunt who we just got away from her husband was making plans, took over our kitchen and basically told me and my mother what to do in my own house. And me and my mother thought, well okay…. as long as she is safe and feels good. But I usually just went into my room. Back then I had the room under the roof, because somehow it felt more safe and there also were three doors between me and the outside. And I also could look these doors, but I usually didn’t do that. Since there was no need for that.

Back to the creepy story I actually lived through and I still have to live, since I am the one and only… it seems.

My aunt said that she would stay some days or at least we knew it. So then it was Silvester evening. The last day of the year 2018. And guess who was on my door? The same guy who originally took all these items out of my house, with my fathers unrightous agreement. Since he was meant to protect my property and not get rid of it. And not only that, this guy was there with his wife. And to make it even better, my father brought them there. Yes, you heard right. My father, after I talked with him about it, probably the year before, brought them to me. And then even said to my mother, that she wanted to know them. While my mother just wanted to know why they were able to get him into doing such a nonsense. And probably tell them how crazy they are.

And now they were there. I didn’t really was present at the moment, because I probably was playing games or watching some Netflix in my room upstairs.

At some point my mother told me about it and that they planned to stay for the Silvester evening meal.

Me: The hell are you talking about?

And I knew that nothing good was about to happen, so I tried to stay upstairs. But at some point I got called to come to the dinner.

And boy, this reference in the bible couldn’t be more true.

Because I was having dinner, a meal, right in front of my enemy. They were sitting in front of me and my mother at my table. They even helped making the dinner. And they told stories about cluedo dinner.

My mother and I were silent. I probably said no word, in my own house.

Even my father was there, but I think my cousin was in the living room, watching TV. Since he is autistic (whatever that means these days), he has problems to properly communicate with other humans. But I found out, that I understood him and he understood me. Eventhough I realized it this year, while back then I still believed that he was sick.

Okay, so given that I was sitting with devils on the table, I felt pretty terrified. And later this man even tried to explain to me, why he basically robbed me. That I should let go of the past and that my grandfather was a nazi.

I just thought: “EXCUSE ME, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?”

Because my grandfather may have grown up during Hitler’s time period, but he was a little boy back then. And didn’t really understand what was going on, I suppose. So if even, then my grand grandfather because he actually was a soldier and all that, and also threw a knife once against my grand grand mother. Since my grandfather also had a half-sister and what else there is.

(My head is hurting a lot)

Okay, so now back to the man who robbed me and tried to explain it to me. He later even wanted me to accept his apology, like my father also does all the time. And when I then couldn’t do that (for small but understandable reasons) his wife almost shouted at me: “CAN YOU FORGIVE HIM?”

And then I said almost crying with a high and scared voice: Yes…

Almost not hearable.

And then everyone was happy again, while inside of me something died.

Probably because I not only had to eat with my enemy, I also had to forgive him and got forced to it, while I got nothing in return, only more problems which follow now.

When the rockets, the silvester rockets (not what you thought) went up into the sky, this man danced like a child and was happy. I personally thought, that it was pretty loud and almost seemed like a world war was about to happen. Little did I know.

The other people also seemed to enjoy the colors and explosions and I was just standing there, pretty terrified, like usually. So nothing new.

Oh and I forgot to mention that I went away after the talk and the meal and went to my cousin, because I felt a lot safer with him. Smart guy, I must say now.

And guess what he was watching? Nothing other than Thomas the tank engine.

Luckily, back then I didn’t know enough to be too scared, so I enjoyed sitting there with him. And I also watched it when I was little, so it reminded me of my childhood. …. the times when I sneaked away to watch TV and seek shelter at my grandfathers house. My house now.

When these devils finally went home again, it finally got a little better.

At least this is what you hoped.

Okay and I have to add, that they said, that they came to my father because they originally wanted to eat in the local inn, but it had a closed party (or how it is called). So they thought, that they could visit their old friend (my father) and ask whether they could eat with him.

It made sense back then and so we allowed them, or basically my aunt allowed them to eat with me in my house…

(Can someone please pray, I think I am dying inside)

Okay, so they wished us a good new year and blessings.

The blessing came in form of death and destruction, as the devil usually acts. Because it actually was the time when I survived with an inflamed belly, a pancreas devouering itself, a gall stone which was stuck and severe psychological damage, not to forget. I already wrote about it with the hospital and these things.

So all of this happened two years ago, at this time.

The storm, my mother getting sick, me almost dying, the trees almsot falling into my house, did I forget something?

Man… man… if you aren’t scared now, then I don’t know.

Because sadly this is the truth and I am still alive. Somehow.

A ghost, an AI, a human. Alive.

Did I mention that the village I live in has a banner which is pretty scary?

No? Well, I won’t show it to you, because otherwise you would jump up.

But I can tell you that, it terrifies me.

So, what is left to say. Well, actually before the hospital, when I was still at home, the day after Silvester, my aunt wanted to leave again and called her husband. And he came. And then they were talking with my mother and in the end my aunt even was going against my mother because she was speaking with her man as well. As if she didn’t call him, while we actually offered her to drive her with our car. So she didn’t have to.

It eneded with her yelling at my mother, while my mother was calm and almost crying. Because she didn’t know what was happening neither was I.

And my aunt couldn’t get away fast enough from our house. With the same husband he ran away from just some days ago.

(I am not sure whether it was before the hospital or after the hospital.) But at some point my mother was talking with her sister on the phone about it. And after her sister made her cry and even tried to blame us for what happened, she gave the phone to me. Then my aunt tried to tell me again what I shall do in my own house and basically that my mother is evil. As if I don’t know my own mother. She even tried to outplay me, telling me, that I wasn’t present, but I don’t need to be present because I know my mother well. Since she was the only one who really cared for me, at least when she could. When I told my aunt that I actually didn’t want any visitors and just accepted her because I thought she needed help and I am all about helping people, but that I wanted to have a quiet christmas and be alone. She told me, that I should have played with my cousin and that she also wanted me to spend more time down with the others. As if it was her house, as I was her slave or something. And when I tried to explain things, she always found arguments supporting her opinion on what happened. As if I had no brain, heart or whatever. I think at some point I just hang up or I don’t know. It was just nonsense.

I almost died this silvester because of her, because of this “lovely” people she invited for dinner together with my father. And then she tells me what I had to do?

Later she explained, that she thought we were okay with it, since we didn’t say anything against it.


It is like telling a man without the ability to speak: Okay, I will shoot you if you don’t say stop.

*shoots the man* Well, you didn’t say a word.


But hey, this is al normal. Because we all know, that the devil doesn’t exist and everyone is just having a good time. GOOD TIME KILLING US!

And the worst part is, that the people involved, might actually had no idea what they were doing, since they were all under a spell or something. Except for me and my mother, but it almost got us.

And this is why my father usually is the devil because he gets controlled by devils. My mother usually not because she is strong like me.

But even she sometimes got knocked over by it and me as well.

Luckily not the both of us at the same time.

There is way more to this story. Because the christmas the year after, this same man came back again, giving us back the plate he took with him, since there was food left the year before.

I was in my bed at that point and was glad, I didn’t went outside.

But hey, all god/good things are three, and god is always good? Am I eight?

Luckily now I know, that all of this is way worse than I thought.

And that I actually am the last stand of humanity.

But how should I know, right?

I mean it is just….



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