Do you know?

Do you know where these people who visited lived?

They lived in the neighbor town.

So the excuse for Silvester was not logical. Since the town is just the neighbor town where I lived in some time before.

They could have just driven home, when the inn was not available. But no. They had to drive to my father. The opposite direction. And visit me.

And the best part is. Did you know that some dead rabbits were found near the forest some years ago?

Did you know my neighbors and also my house had weird foot prints in the snow? No?

Well, let me tell you, it were footprins like from a big bird.

Let me show you the banner of my village:

Welcome to the family son (or dauther).

This is where I live right now.

But hey, let the devil come.

Oh wait, he can’t reach me because the kings can’t kill each other, can they? But I am half queen, half king, so I can kill him.

And this is why he is so scared and has to play my whole family out against me. Making me believe that they all wanted that I die, but they had no idea.

Why? Because the devil manipulated them. Whoever, whatever the devil is.

Call it what you want. If you have seen some stranger things, you know who I am.

Yes, I am the boy and the girl. And yes.

I am 11 and I am John Byers.

And not like in the movie, this one is real.

And sadly they didn’t save earth. Because the evil thing actually is in our world.

*smiles*

But since I am the only one who knows these things, and no one will listen to me. I will die alone. Because everyone else is already in the concentration camp, believing that it is the God given life.

Because the devil convinced everyone that he is God and that things are alright.

But he could only do that with so much confusion, that no one could see through the fog anymore. Like bees with smoke.

And biology taught me, that the brain just down at some point because of the pressure.

Me: *feels unmeasurable pain in the belly and head*

Must be alright. I mean, basically I am already dead. Right?

*wants to laugh, but preffers to cry or just stare and the screen with dry eyes*

They are dry because I could cry all day, if I would still be able to.

If you still don’t get spooked and understand, that this is not meant to be a horror story, while it is the worst and best I have ever experienced. Then I don’t know. Because I am meant to live, but meant to die. And I am still typing. Giving away everything about me. But I am still alive.

Why is that. Because I am the one who I am.

And since no one comes to my rescue, I consider this world a mass grave.

But since I am the one who I am. I can wake up dead from their graves.

Because even Jesus called the pharisee / hypocrites colored graves and snake breed.

Interesting, very interesting.

Hm… two snakes kissing each other, trying to claim the staff with the wings. To claim heaven. Well and you know what is said about the devil and heaven. That the devil still has entry into heaven.

You don’t say… have you realized, that this is heaven? But that the devil tried and almost successfully managed to turn it into his hell paradise?

Trees burning, people dying, killing themselves (not becaues they want to), people killing each other, people fucking each other (both physically and psychologically). I mean, I must say, the devil knows how to play.

But the devil has no heart. The devil HAS NO HEART.

So he wants my heart, wants to eat it and laugh.

But ain’t happening any time soon.

Since I am in the mirror world, you have to understand, that usually the opposite is true.

So when someone who is going to church, believes that they do it for God, the devil laughs and giggles. And when then someone thinks, okay so I just do the opposite. It might be the better choice. But since there are never just two choices, only machines have two. 0 and 1.

You know that you can only rely on yourself.

And I am eating everything because it makes me stronger. Since I have to.

Because you can only defend yourself, if you do what no one expects.

Because do you know what some frogs do? Those who are said to be toxic?

They eat toxic things, so they get toxic themselves and then can defend themselves. But when you only give them toxic free food, they aren’t toxic and therefor can’t defend themselves.

If this little salamander taught me one thing, then that I must seem like him to the devil, compared the height and size. But even the devil is scared of toxics, like I didn’t want to touch it with my bare hands, risking to get intoxicated.

Are we talking now?

No. Well, when I am dead, then you know that you are screwed.

Or maybe that you have to go through what I already went through.

Because since we are clown fish, we can give the next one in the line the opportunity to be a man or both or whatever.

But this would mean, that if you don’t help me to help you, that I will probably die and you will be next.

Or didn’t you wonder, why so many young people take their lives?

They get forced to. I mean, I watched a video of a girls funeral, who killed herself. And it actually is somewhere on this blog. In case no one deleted it.

And do you know what the people said?

They had no idea why she did it.

And they laughed at her funeral.

As if it was no big deal.

If you now understand, why 13 Reasons Why, is no hoax. Then you are beginning to understand what I am dealing with here. At least the first and second season. (I didn’t watch the rest, as far as I know).

And if you now understand, that I am Hanna and Clay. You know, that it is serious. And if I now tell you, that I also understand almost all the other main characters and that a part of me is within them. Then 13 Reasons Why is telling my story, while using multiple characters. Because I am multiple characters, when I tell you about what I am hiding.

And do you know what therapists and other people say about this series?

They say, that it is wrong, bad and ugly. Or things like that.

Some of them even with pain in their faces.

Because they probably don’t know what they are doing. They aren’t strong enough. And this one therapeut, she is a good woman. It isn’t her fault. But she also said that. And then I was shocked because I kind of trusted her before. But she also said that she had to cry alot (in the beginning of this year) and that therapeuts are also just human, with needs and feelings.

And she is right. And she also said, that she was processing something and was in pain.

Well, now you know what she was talking about. I was talking about Kati Morton. And she is a good woman and it isn’t her fault. I know that now.

Do you know that in russia, a virgin was bound onto a tree in the middle of winter, as prey for father frost? No? Well, in case she was still alive, he didn’t want the prey, otherwise he accepted it.

Did you know that in my town, they put up big piles of wood, with a small tree on top, when it is christmas? No, well now you know.

And did you know, that probably in old times a human was there instead of the small tree? No? Well, now you know. thi hi.

Thanks for asking.

But no one really talks with God these days.

Only God with himself or herself. Since God is many and you are one.

Am I right?

And no…. I am not joking. About nothing. But still everyone thinks that I am cynical, that I am having fun. That I am just another of the people who make fun of religion or whatever. Or that I am simply crazy.

Because no one can think that far anymore.

If you would be able to think this far, you would be equal to me and then I would love to get hit in the face by you. I would even beg you to. Because then you would have to take my place. But I am the prey for now. And I am not willing to stay the prey.



By the way, I am almost every hero in all the stories.

In Video games like Skyrim, like Prey, like Left 4 Dead (2), like Silent Hill, like Max Payne, like whatever you want.

Maybe not every hero, I am not super man (yet). But still, I am pretty far.

And you are all probably thinking: Well, good that it is just a game.

And I am like:

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