13th May 1998

What does it mean? What does it say?

It’s my birthday, well technically it was my birthday, but yea… 😀

And talking of Windows 98, I got one of these still running on an old computer. Coincidence?

Well and now I just say: Remember, remember…

The audience: This guy clearly isn’t joking.

Me: I don’t know what you are talking about.

The audience: Well, that is what I just wanted to say.

Duuh.


But for real guys, can we have it all now?

My head is dizzy as hell, my heart sometimes seems to stop beating or beating too fast. I feel like vomitting sometimes. Sometimes I feel as if my feet will lift off the ground any second. And my head is somewhere in the clouds, I guess. At least that would explain why it is burning so much sometimes. And the last days I felt as if I am having fever and therefor a fever dream.

But really, I am probably soon losing it, if life doesn’t change soon.

I didn’t come here to die, but I was there too often most of my life and I am not that old yet, but feel like a very old man sometimes. Too old to be alive.

So please, let me be the child I always wanted to be and never wanted to give up to be. I know you want it as well. I didn’t come this far only to speak to some robots or meat sacks. And I don’t care who caused all of this, I don’t care at the moment. All I care about is you and that you all start to live.

I mean some are living already or partially, but I just don’t want to wake up and still talk with myself, just myself. Please tell me that you understand it.

I do or at least try whatever you want me to, although I might act fooling and scared. While I am on a level higher than 9000 around here (oh I saw what you did there), in real life (whatever that is these days), I am just a tall guy who sometimes has heart problems, who doesn’t know what is happening and what is real and what is not real.

I actually don’t know thaaat much and also would like to know less. But since someone had to “stand” up and call it a day, I am doing this.

Speaking for the people: “We are free!”

I hope this is not just a dream, please don’t let this repeat, please don’t do this to me again, please stop this madness. I don’t want such an experience to ever happen again. Never ever. And don’t expect me to say something like: “Yeah, wow let’s do that again, wasn’t it fun?”, it wasn’t. Sometimes it felt good to know and being able to make a difference. But it feels horrible to sit in this position. And as Bukowski said, no leaders please. We are old enough to lead our own lives. At least, if some people wouldn’t have tried to make us seem helpless. I think we have taught them a lesson. And if not, well, I don’t know. I just want this to end for good and just be happy with you guys. Just live, let nature grow back again and maybe have some fun with some old games, old temples and such things. And maybe even travel into space.

I just don’t want to be in the position of God or the universe or whatever you want to call it. I can’t take this any longer, but I have to…

So please make it quick and painless.

People: Are you talking about killing you?

Nooo… but in case none of it is real, then yes.

But I think you heard me, didn’t you?

Oh and for those of you who think I am the Anti-Christ.

Good morning. Because I am noone and everybody, but not that.

Otherwise kill me, if that is the plan. I don’t know anymore.



Oh, so that is how it was supposed to be. Luckily we are all living in the wild west now or the rain forest and still can talk through our computers. But what am I talking about here, right? And I mean, did I say, arrest computers for attempted murder on … everybody? I don’t know guys, it’s just …



Some people are now like: Well… it is getting lame. You always post the “I’m God” track. We already heard it and in case you try to tell us that you actually are God, then fool someone else.”

Me:

People are like:

By the way, I just like the sound of this track.

And if you are telling ME what is lame, well then I am telling you ALL about LAME.

Life, meant to work until death, that is what I call lame.

Well actually horrible, painful and psychologically damaging.

Nature would have done all the work for you, but you had to make it work for you. Well, actually some people had to make it work for them.

But there is no use to it, because in the end you get nothing more from it.

It is like melting a bar of gold over and over again, at best it stays the same, at worst you lose gold. Sooooo….




Well, I think this is going to be my new thing now. ‘Cause

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