Christmas was today

If you ask me, then balance should look something like this:

But sadly it was turned into:

People: But John, the nazis lost and we also have no camps here. We are free amd can do whatever we want. Sadly I wasn’t smart enough, so I am just working. And you should too, instead of writing this nonsense.

Meanwhile in John’s brain:

Out of the ashes through the fires of hell

Knowing a little, but hitting with each bullet nonetheless.

Having the enemy in view, while he thinks his castle perfect.

In an age of endless war, build your castle well.

The world never changed. It only looks / seems different.

… the desert awaits you.

Who roled the dice? It wasn’t me.

Me, when I first realized… sadly I was on both sides. Or was I?

But we are in this together.

It is always worse than you expected it to be. But not impossible to handle.

I know I wasn’t a hero… I ran away like the coward I became.

I didn’t listen to their screams. I ran away from those who I should have saved and those who wanted to get me. I ran and ran and ran…

But look where I got, right where I started, but not where it all began.

I am not the hero you would want, I am someone you would have spitted on. This is who I am or who I was, who I became.

And now? Now it seems as if I can’t do much more than this.

Whatever “this” is.

But we will see. But I feel horrible for being such a loser, such a scared little worm. I wish I would have fought stronger, eventhough I knew I was alone for the most part. At least where I was.

I am still here, but I don’t see that anything had changed in the time when I was away. Everything happened the way it was “supposed” to happen.

So what should I say? I am sorry… “I am sorry” seems so pointless.

And “I hate what I have done” is true, but I can’t change it.

But the most scary part is: “Do you copy?”

No matter what. Because if you do, you might be happy, but everyone else is screaming inside. Maybe you as well. But how should I know. Right?

I am just a guy who has “fun” on the internet.

People: But John, how do all these things come together? And how the heck is all of this in your brain at the same time? I can’t even remember my phone number.

Me: What is my name?

People: Boris?


When my computer sometimes started to stutter or hang, I open the DVD / CD-ROM drive and closed it again. From your point of view, you either ask: “Why did you do that?” or “What the heck is a DVD or CD-ROM? Is that some kind of device relate to Romans?” … okay sorry, I think you would probably just think: “ABC… 123… let me be.” or something like that. Okay, so why did I open the device for these round chaped memory plates people used some years ago? Well, because it causes a short interrupt in the core system of the computer. So sometimes it helped to get the operating system run again.

I think no one else I know ever tried that. Why? Well because they had no idea that something like this is a thing. Or they simply never had the need for it. Oh and yes, my name is John. Thanks for remembering.

Oh and in case you were thinking, I would be talking about the videos. I just would give you a hint: Keep it quiet. Because people will not understand.

When I was young, I soon learned how to immitate other people. The problem was, that I immitated them from my point of view. So I was a fool (for them) and they treated me as one for the most part. Not everyone, but many people. What they didn’t understand, I just tried my best to pretend to be like them. Out of my intellectual freedom, I sadly must have hit the spot too hard. Because usually people hate what they want to be or are. And in my case, it probably was both. So I must say, people are smarter than you think. They can find themselves easily, but sadly they don’t realize that they are doing it. Poor people…

I did this immitation game so well, that I turned into my immitated self. So well, that I even fell down the horse on the other side sometimes.

But luckily the horse gave me a kick in the head and my belly. Otherwise I probably would have stayed in the believe, I created for the people.

In case you are a “people”, I am sorry for the damage I have caused.

But I suppose there is no turning back now.

People: *turn their back on me*

Me: Ah come on….

Stay safe! Nothing is lost!