– Way to say “Good Bye”-
The best part of the story, it ends with a smile.
I have to thank all the people who thought that I would be a great worker one day. Who thought, that I would be able to take care of all their problems. They taught me, that life was just about fixing problems others or they themselves created and not what I thought. I thought life was meant to be there to enjoy it, to dream, let dreams come true, alone or with others.
But life was not meant to be this way, no of course not. It always was about work. Even the apes are working hard all day. They have their degrees, rules and governements. Oh wait, no they aren’t there yet.
From society I learned that cows, pigs and chicken have the same value as human lives. And that we basically are what we eat and this gave me a relief. Because I thought, that we were more than them and that we were meant to care for them. But instead we are just like them.
We even share the same care system, we work, we eat and live like them. We get medication like them and even live a little longer thanks to it. I am very thankful for this opportunity society gave me, to work even longer for this great life I will give for the process.
I am thankful that I got told to work hard, to take care of my health and follow the rules. Because I thought that I felt better the way I was before, all running around, playing games, dreaming of an earth where people would be as free as the wild animals. But society showed me, that we actually are and that we get there more and more each day. It is so stupid that I thought, we should give a voice to everyone and even listen to those who might be a little crazy. It was foolish of me because of course, listening to crazy seeming people would only cause more problems, chaos and destruction. And humanity showed me how it is done. How to take care of each other, to support each other and life a good life.
And it also makes sense that we got way smarter now these days, with all the science which let’s us live longer. I mean making blind people see again and people without legs walk, was a great thing for sure, but living longer is even better. I thought that I could simply live long when I enjoy things, try to see things from a bird perspective, from a flower perspective or a tree or maybe even an alien one. But I was silly to do so, the humans had it all figured out anyways and these other creatures and lifeforms, they are nothing compared to the human race.
Well, I should correct the last sentence. Humans actually showed me, that we value any kind of live in a similar way. Because if people say, that cars kill hedgehogs, frogs and also people, they are right, but they forget that they usually talk about different things. When they talk about people and cars, it is about tragic accidents, but when it is about animals there wasn’t much they could do. The animals just ran on the street and then boom. It must have been their fault, to not follow the rules of the streets.
But then I almost thought, that humans had something against other animals. I was wrong because then other humans showed me, that they also treat other humans the same way, then my world was whole again. I almost thought only the animals would be treated careless. But the same way you can drive over a frog, you can also drive over a two year old, even twice or three times. I mean, you have to thank these people for the effort to end the pain, but sadly they had not enough time and had to move on. Luckily the suffering found an end.
When I saw a dog dragging away another dog from the street, it was different. It seemed weird because the other dog was probably already dead. So it seemed very stupid of this dog to carry this probably heavy body away, while it was already dead. There was no use to it. And I mean, the humans all smart and productive, they also didn’t do that. So this dog must be very weird. He should better take care of his health and not carry useless things and waste energy. This is probably why you never see dogs building up a business. They just waste time, do stupid things and even risk their lives for nothing. Not like humans, they are all about the health care, the progress, the work and life.
Thank you my humans for showing me how it is done. How it is more important to reach the sky, to build great energy plants, server farms, big streets, houses and work complexes. Big paper works and whole industries based around help and fun and joy. All for the benefit of the hard working people of course and not to forget the health. Always healthy, always active, always productive and thinking was for the apes anyways. Eh, did I say apes? I meant the high educated ones of course, the ones in high positions, with high degrees and always good intentions. Since when did people without all this make some progress, change the world for the better or even figure something out? There always was education, there always were strict rules to life and since when was it easy for a flower to grow?
Even the animals have their schools, where they learn about things they don’t understand. And where they learn how to retire and work. We are just like them, only that our way of education, learning and living is much better of course. While the apes just eat some food they find where they live, we just take what we want where ever we want. And even create food out of the unthinkable. Things not even the apes would have dreamed of nor tried to eat. We must be way smarter than them. And not to forget the insects, they really don’t know what is good for them. Not even they sometimes want to eat our food. Poor beings, they don’t know what they are missing. A wonderful life, all prepared, all figured out and constantly changing to always serve the need of the people. Wonderful.
Thank you humanity for opening my eyes, that we really are the crown of creation. Even the current pandemic shows it again, with a virus called crown. Now we just need to catch the crowns and seal our throne once and for all. The hall of fame, when it comes to mastering life, is all reservered for us. But only for those who worked the hardest of course. For those who did ignore all things, except for their work and maybe their family.
And I was so naive to think, that every life counts…
I even thought that creative people, who sometimes can’t work in the same way as others, are more important. I even thought that they could save the world. I mean think about it, how naive, how stupid of me, that I could even think such a thing would be possible. Creativity and problem solving never had something in common. I mean when animals figure out a certain way to live, they also never change it and so it would be stupid to support these weird people who try to do things a completely different way. How should they be more successful or even useful, while there are already so many smart and hard working people all caring for us. They of course will find solutions much quicker, better and way, way more secure. They are top experts, high educated and trained. How should someone who couldn’t or didn’t really pay attention to the education be any use. Everyone who got big, famous and who changed the world, was high educated and of course always just doing it for the greater good.
Why should there even be such a thing like people who just want to have fun and solve problems through playing and being happy? Everyone knows that playing around is for idiots, for fools who don’t know what is important. And everyone knows that art also at best served as entertainment or room filler. Like music is also only there to make the day a little brighter and work less boring. Since when was there any meaning, value or importance in any of these. Artists and musicians are not really important, such people only want to have a good time, are lazy and probably can’t do much more than playing around with their silly instruments, paint and words. Well, so much for the political “correct”.
I almost let these people seem important, I have to apologize and I of course am the least of the people. I am a thinker. Usually thinker were no use, they only wasted time chasing theories, doing things in different, probably more complicated ways and often ending up alone. Not really useful people, don’t you think? Oh sorry, I almost compared you with me. I am sorry, I hope you accept my apology, imaginary human being from a planet called earth.
Since I was little, I thought that everything would be much easier, if people would listen to their children. If people would care for the thinkers, put them into positions where they could use their thoughts for good, without the pressure of all the hard work. I thought, that with those thinkers, we could then find a lot of good solutions and also come to a way more positive way of living. Where each day would be a fun new day to explore, learn or play. I even thought that work could be fun, like collecting food, planting and all that. But I am so, so thankful that you people showed me that all I am good for, is to be the burden you needed to complain about. To push around, to teach, to blame to drain empty. Otherwise I would have almost believed that all of my thoughts and dreams could actually be real, could come true or were how life was supposed to be. I am so silly, so naive, stupid and of course crazy for thinking such things.
I should have taken my advice for people who abuse, hurt and kill other people for their own good, personal. Because I thought, why don’t they just end their life and make an end to all this pointless destruction. I was so blind to see, that I was the only one, that only I was the one who should have done it. And because I didn’t because I was so selfish to think, that I couldn’t do this to all the people who know me, that I forgot that I was actually the problem. Like in the bible, when the king got angry about a crime and said all kinds of punishments for the one who did it, only to got told that it was him who did it.
I should have seen it since my early childhood. When I didn’t follow my fathers rules, to not play around in the house because it could damage the floor and walls. Or when I wanted to listen to some radio and it was way too loud. The poor neighbors must have been shocked by the volume. I shouldn’t even have tried to listen to it with almost no volume, when even I almost couldn’t hear it anymore. Not to forget the TV, the only good it every gave me, was to see how bad life was. How foolish other people are, to think that there could be more than just pain, work, hard work and rules. Should have listened to him. Should have just seen it coming, that I was only the problem, like he once said.
And I knew when I was a child, that I wouldn’t be able to work. Even he couldn’t when I was born. At least he worked for a while. Not like my mother who worked almost her whole life, first for her parents and family, then for a sect and then for my father and me. My father even said, that he wanted to stay more with Jesus or God and that my mother of course had no idea what was good for her. And he was right about it. Because whenever she tried to escape with me from him, everyone else knew of course what was better for her. Even I wanted back to my father when I was two years old. Before I realized that I always just was a problem.
My mother always was a problem in her family, I was a problem and in nature the problems get taken care of. Natural selection, isn’t that the word for it? And evolution was also of course always just about getting food, working harder, getting physically stronger and being better than others.
Since when was it about something else. Or since when was God about love.
And I am just glad that these days we have so many different forms and ways on how to live with the same old problems, it is almost an art in itself.
I just should have followed my own advice and leave when I had the chances. Life can’t be different. There is always this one way to live. Working, working and then dying. How could I be so naive and stupid in my head, to think that there was something completely different meant for me or others. I even was as weird, that I sometimes didn’t want to wear a jacket when it was winter. Because I felt pretty warm and liked the cold winter air, how dumb of me to think, that a human could be warm from inside or that a human could decide to wear clothes by need.
Of course the weather or other people are there to show me what is right or wrong. And I even used hoodies in midst of summer, while others had t-shirts. I must have been a complete idiot my whole life for thinking that there was anything worth living for, other than work and death of course. Not to forget the little, repetitive and similar joys and distractions. Like a different room, some variation in food, while still strictly following the healthy measurements. Or more efficient ways to gain muscles and brown skin. Oh wait, no … now I am talking about animals again, I guess.
I think I should have followed the call of death as a child. Would have saved me a lot of useless pain, useless struggle and stupid thoughts about free… about a life in nature. If I wouldn’t have cheered up some other kettle, eh fellow humans along the way, I would have completely been a waste of time, resources and precious air. These days even the trees can’t produce enough anymore. They probably failed the education like me. Maybe I should help them and in return get help as well. I cut down the tree and the tree burries me, falling over me. A great end of a story, but I started with telling it would end with a smile. Well, I lied it seems.
I couldn’t even follow this simple advice, this simple hint. Not even my own creations are right, not even this. Man, if I am gone, the whole world must be a million times brighter, smarter and also have way less problems. And think about all the lives I could have made better, but didn’t out of fear I could tell them something stupid. Out of fear to make them anxious like I was or even tell them about hope, about my dreams and wishes. I would have probably made them go crazy like me. So I decided to not tell them about it and better forget these stupid things. No one had use for them anyways.
When I made cool programs, explored the internet for more knowledge and better ways of solving things. All others saw me sitting in front of a screen. And I probably all imagined it. The screen was probably just an illusion, like everything in my life which seemed in some way easy, joyful or fascinating. There is nothing good about life. I should have learned this the very first day. But in school I always felt and thought that people should probably already know these things and I felt as if I should have known all things already, so that school would be easier. I mean, who thought that school was meant to learn about life. Or to learn in a healthy, peaceful and personal way. Of course everyone has to learn in the same way, otherwise some people could only think or do weird things like drawing or singing. If drawing or singing, then of course only things which were appropriate.
What would have been, if people all of a sudden would have just went to school to sing some rock, metal or just play video games. Man, they would have probably had way too much fun and realized that there was no point in life other then work and death.
But instead school thankfully taught me to follow the rules, that going to the toilet needed permission, that some questions or answers were stupid and amused the whole class. And that if I didn’t want to share my work, I was of course refusing to work and make progress or even hold back valueable information for my class mates. I just thought that what I wrote was nonsense, bad and pointless anyways, so I wanted to help the teacher and just ignore me. But they still thought that there was hope for me. That I would one day be a great man who will work hard and change the … whatever.
I am just thankful for some teachers who actually asked some silly questions about life themselves or who were talking about their own life experience. I mean, I personally had no interest in knowing about how a chicken without a head could still fly on top or even over a house., but some people just have them stories. But really, there were some teachers their stories were really interesting. Like one who told us how she was scared about how much search engines and online shops already know about us. Or others who realized after a year in another country, how different people can be, and how stupid some education systems are.
I am especially thankful for the principles I had. One supported a program to give children access to computers and internet and also new ways of learning. But the program was of course too new and dangerous, so afterwards it probably was paused or ignored. I am not sure. But I know that in the following years there wasn’t really any progress, it only seemed to go backwards. And the principal in the other school even didn’t like the way of how the school was supposed to grade and educate himself, but he knew he couldn’t change it. Smart man, I actually like him and the other principal on the previous school. They both wanted to change things for the better and tried. But they knew there was not much they could do.
The people are ruling after all. And as long as the people rule and everything works, why should there be the need for a change?
I mean, it worked all these decades or even centuries. Why should we now all of a sudden change it all. Not really tested, not really proofen to even be possible. Since when could people just do things and they worked? I mean there always had to be a long process and careful thinking.
Some people even were smart enough to make tests directly on humans, instead of using lab rats or even theoretical mind experiments. I mean what else do you do with people in prisons or camps. While the people in there were already meant to die anyways, why not use them for some more useful things instead? Should have been thankful. Or thankful for the work they were given. Humans without work, are like fish without water. If a human can’t work all day, he just lies down on the ground and sleeps. How silly, how naive and deadly. Nothing good every came from lying around.
Sleep is for the weak and weak are meant to die.
I should have seen it all coming. And when I still wasn’t weak, I should have know that too strong people are also not good. Because they want too much. I mean, why couldn’t I have been just realistic. Like in the story with the frogs in the bowls with milk. The optimist tried the same thing over an over again, like jumping around. Only to turn the milk into butter and then he could jump out, right into the hot pan to fry him. The pessimist just drowned and then got thrown in there as well, while the milk was at least partially giving a better taste to the bitterness. And finally the realist, this one was just so smart, he just swam around in the milk. Knowing that there was no use in drowning and also no use in wasting energy. And at some point he started to drink from the milk, but didn’t like it. So he continued to swim until at some point someone just dragged him over to the other frogs, making it three.
I must say, they all tried the best and they tasted in a different way, but they all somehow ended up in the same pan. Funny, how I just wanted to think that there could be something else. There was no use to it, no way and of course no point. All the frogs were meant to end up in the pan either way. So the pessimist at least put in the least effort. I mean, he just knew what would come, right?
So I am glad that my estimated life, my life expectancy is long overdone.
My heart wanted to die for many years, my lungs even sometimes or my feet. In general my whole body just knew better than me, that dying would be the best option. All this pain, this fear and anxiety. All pointless, but I had to be so selfish to stay alive and make the life of my fellow humans so much harder. They had to get food for me, had to educate me, even had to take me go to the doctors. All pointless in the end. I didn’t really gave them what they wanted, this shiny paper gold, or these days, numbers on a screen. Instead I wanted to make things with my computer. I wanted to make things in the garden or forest. But of course there was no use to it. Sitting in front of the computer was of course just playing around, while people in office jobs were doing important things, like filling in numbers or data for paper work and the great production things. While I tried to make people happy. But they all were already happy with their life and what I did, gave no money and I also didn’t do it perfect and couldn’t do it the way others did. So it was good that I let go of it.
We already have too many games and too much technology anyways. Everything is already perfect, except for me. And I knew that it wasn’t true, but I also knew, that it’s still perfect for everyone else. And so I still can’t really figure out why I could be so selfish to think, that I should stay for the other people. If I would have died with 8 or 9 or when I started to understand it all, then all would have been good. My father would have had my mother all for himself. Or my mother could have ended her life as well or maybe even run away, like she tried with me sometimes.
But what is the point… I mean, the life on earth was meant to die either way.
And I mean, I often heard, that people who take their own life are stupid or at least that taking the own life is of course stupid. So I thought, I must be stupid to think this way. And this is how it is.
I mean, I am robbing everyone the fun of life, the positivity, while I only make useless things like weird music. Or writing things, now that I finally started to really push out everything which I was holding back all my life. Some of it was maybe interesting, but most of it probably should have stayed inside. I mean, most people do it anyways and I also have never seen a monkey write poetry, but at least one who made videos and selfies. So I think everything is how people say. We are just monkeys without as much hair and of course smarter.
Well, and actually calling my work poetry or even literature, is a flaw and shame. All what it is worth, is the energy wasted for it. Energy I should have used to hold it all inside, energy to work hard for the money. But I had to be sooo sooo dumb. I mean even Schiller was an idiot. How could he refuse the good job his father had made available for him. And instead write something, while not even the experts wanted his writing. But of course, after he published it anyways, the father wanted everyone to know that it was his son. As if it mattered any time before…
But I am not Schiller, I am not Albert Einstein and also not any other famous person. So I have no excuse for my weirdness. No excuse for my stupidity. And what I write isn’t even funny. Sometimes I sadly got dragged into the right-wing way of writing. But these days even rainbows are nazis.
And I guess, that I can accept a lot and almost everyone who is different in some way, as long as they don’t think it is funny to harm, hurt or kill others. I guess I am a nazi these days, back then I was too liberal, now I am too conservative. You know what, I think I am just in the mirror world.
This is why everything makes no sense and is upside down.
I mean people these days don’t even realize anymore, that communism and national socialisms weren’t all that different. One was red with yellow and one was red with black and white. Oh and not to forget the allies with their demo. A demo of freedom, but sadly it just stayed early access and wasn’t continued later because the developers just thought they got enough money and left the whole thing the way it was.
And I mean Stalin and Hitler were even helping each other in the beginning. Both hated jews or christians or any kind of people who were different from the so great nations they built up. And well the allies of course also had great nations. Overall the americans, with their freedom to serve and die for their country united with all colors. I mean they even granted all people to die for their home country. But of course only for the time of war. Afterwards, they were meant to “just” die again. Each in their lane. Heck…. how great humans are. All smart and honest and glorious.
I mean, how silly of me, that I thought that people like me would be any use. With all these great corporations working for our own good. All these great leaders. All this democracy, communism and national socialism. It is even sad, that they are all so similar when it comes to the way they operate. In democracy you call the place where people you don’t like have to go “mental hospital”, to make it seem good and positive. In communistic ways it is sometimes a prison, sometimes a backyard or a working camp, you never know. And in national-socialism it is working camps and destruction camps.
See, they are all very similar. They all have places to where they can get rid of their problems. And I mean these days they of course all are way smarter, so they wouldn’t do all that again. And by the way, it also would be way too obvious anyways. Today they simply just want to help. Everyone has only the best interest for the others. Like it always has been. Even Jesus knew that everything was perfect, so he left after he came to live again. Like: “Boy, I ma outta here.” I mean the story with him was of course a little different. But church also found a way to make people punish themselves, while the original message was the opposite. You see, it is all perfect and always has been.
Why did I ever question any of it, why did I stay. I was so selfish to continue living because I thought that my friends, my family and relatives or even other people who once knew me, could get hurt. How selfish of me…
Now they are way more hurt because I didn’t help them the way I should have. Because I couldn’t do what everyone does. Because I am just too selfish. Maybe I really am an optimist, because I couldn’t get fast enough into the pan. But originally I thought, that I could be free.
But we all know, freedom, is just an illusion. Even the stars know that and the animals and the universe. Evil are those who think, especially those who think they know better. That there are way more things possible, way more things than this. Death may come upon them, like over myself, but then I would just say what everyone already knows. And we will die anyways. So why should I even try, if there is no point in it anyways. As I say, I am and always was an optimist. But optimism is also relative.
And I really would like to live and help and do things, but I guess, I will stay the burden either way. And before I should make it even harder for me and the people around me, I should make it as easy as possible for everyone.
Therefor: “I hate you all! You are all dead for me.”
Can I go now?
And the positive ending is, that the day I will die, I would smile. Like the time when I was a kid and played. Because I can at least hope, that I might go somewhere nicer afterwards and if not, then everything could just end, so no need to worry. Right?
But in my optimistic way: “It can always get worse.”
So when I thought my life already was like hell, maybe I would wish back the days, old days of the past. When my heart sometimes stopped beating, or pumped as fast, sometimes it seemed it could burst out of my chest. When it felt as if knifes were cutting it in half or my lungs or my whole body. I always felt pain, my whole life. But sometimes I could ignore it, sometimes I even started to enjoy it because I hoped it would mean that I die faster. Maybe that was actually true, but I am still here because whenever I could go, I or something else, decided to stay for others. Why was I so stupid…
The thing is, that I would probably be happy if I could live in a single prison cell. Because all what I need is my imagination and I could turn it into a space ship, a submarine, a game or even just a prison cell in a movie. Where I would be the someone important, kept hidden and locked away from everyone else. Or I could even convince myself, that the whole cell was meant to protect me, from all the evil in the world. And that the guards are only there to safe my ass and help me to not break free into bigger hell.
When you really want to know what I see, then you would cry for joy and peace and freedom. You would probably burn your eyes because you couldn’t even imagine something like this. But maybe this is why I am so sick… because I am seeing these possibilities, this bright life which could be. As I said, I should have made it easier for everyone, by leaving the easy way out. But I stayed for them, only to be the burden.
I know… I know… you don’t want to hear this.
But this is why it is true. I am the burden. Too much hope is not good.
Like hyperoxidation or a heart-attack because of laughing.
How silly of me to think that I, I the messed up, lazy, idiot who just wants to play. That I could make a difference. And people will probably read this and read, that I just wanted to play and then say: “Yes, it would have been good, if you would have gone.” Little do they know… little do they know because then they understood nothing.
If I would go, then only because I would finally want to grant the alternative wish. The wish to end my pointless existence. I know it isn’t pointless for everyone. But again, I can’t do what others expect me to do.
And while it was selfish of me to stay and be a burden, then it would at least be one time, when I finally finished something for good. When I didn’t stop in the middle because it was all too much to handle. When I didn’t stop because the pressure, angst and pain got too heavy. When I didn’t set up my fake smile, but my real one.
Death my buddy, why don’t you come…
No, this is wrong. Death, why am I so stupid? Why did I believe in good?
Why did I think that after all this destruction, something good could still come out of this? Oh death… why are you further away, the more I want you. Why do you want to see me suffer? If I could just say, it is because you want to see me do great things, then I could say, I know. Because I knew that this would then be worth all this mess. But sadly no one understands it, thinks it is possible or that I could be any good with what I do. Well, maybe some people think different, but what does it matter. In the end I am still more of a problem for the most part. I probably waste their time with my stories, my ideas and funny things I found out. Or with the sad stories.
All they see, is a young man who sits at home, thinks a lot, wastes time and isn’t productive. And music is also just a waste because my music is probably only good enough for some horror game or people with a weird taste in music, if taste at all.
I don’t like some of it myself, because there are so many flaws in it. I mean, it is because I play based on feelings or random movements of my hands. So no wonder it is crap because everyone knows, that the best and popular music was always made by educated people, who knew what they were doing.
A failure in everything. Couldn’t die, couldn’t life, couldn’t be really sick nor healthy. Is not really dumb, but also not smart. Can’t really finish projects, thinks too big or too little. Sometimes stays just in the middle. But life is great, life is fun, life is … dumb. So I am dumb because I thought I should stay to show others that it is all different, could be different. BUT WHY!?
I already knew it was pointless, that no one would understand me when I was in secondary school. And now 10 years later, I still try to continue. Man am I a lost case. The series “Lost” really describes where my mind is most of the time.
Sadly I am alone there for the most part, not like the people in “Lost” who at least had some other people. Which of course not always was good, but better than all alone forever.
I should have never wanted more of life. And this is my punishment. This is my hell. If I could just give right to my optimism and say: “All of this is to help you, you will help others and your dream will come true.” Then I could continue, could push away all the pain and sometimes I did and now. Like I used to when I was younger. But now I think they might be right, that I am just a mad man. Someone, no one wants, while of course everyone would want the facade I created and the good heart I got. But no one would really want me, for all of what I am. Why can’t just Mulder come around and take me away, safe me from all this madness. Why isn’t there the Stargate team beaming me up, showing me the earth from the orbit? Why isn’t there …
Why am I?
I know there are good people, but you know how it is.
The good die young or hard.
And I guess that I would only bring shame upon those who actually did great things. But I bet in my case it could be like with Einstein, with Tesla, with Kafka. Especially Kafka, because he told his friend to burn or throw away his works, but the friend didn’t do it. And I guess in my case there would probably be no need for it anymore. Because no one would come and ask for what I had to say. I myself sometimes forget it again, like in the past. Probably for the better. No one wants to listen to it anyways. And so I just tell my negative things because then people at least say that they don’t want to hear it and I can give them right. Then they did right and I don’t feel too bad because I knew that this is not helpful. But when I try to tell something positive and get the same reaction, it just hurts. So why should I try, right?
All what remains of me, will probably be some false memories, my fake smile, some of my unfished programs and ideas and another dead body.
Why do I still go on? Why can’t I give them what the people want, peace…
Because then I would get what I want. And this can’t be.
I hate words… because they could never express what I wanted to tell.
I hate conversations because I usually ended up silent or talking shit.
I love nature, my cat and the air, the birds and when children play.
Maybe I am already in heaven. Maybe this is all there is…
But I am not a hero… otherwise I would have done more. Only a messed up imposter who thought there was hope. Hope died a long time ago, didn’t it?
There is always hope, but I ain’t it. I am just the one who mixes it up, messed it up and broke the perfect life which was never a life at all…
Why can’t there just be peace, love and freedom… 🥺😔
I am still here, but I wish I wouldn’t be… but a hero probably died today…
Thank you all of you yet again. Some of you don’t deserve the thank in a happy way, but still I honestly thank all of you. The people here are not meant when I say something mean. I would love to not target anyone at all. For I was just a running target my whole life. I just wanted to target the masks we are wearing… I hope you understand.
I don’t know how many good byes I need. I hope one day I will just leave or just live. Either way. Stay safe my fellow humans. 💜
I just (don’t) want to die now… 😪😢
But I will stay for a while, I hope.
J. P. K.