Sooner or later: 1984 – Now?

Before you start to read, please leave because this post most likely is not meant for you. If you still read, then you are either too curious or just wanted to read in anyway. And sorry that I did put out another long post. I really just wanted to put the following video up with a few words and now look at it. The horror… I hope you still get some value from it. (I am not making fun by the way, but you think or believe what you want anyway, am I right? In some ways this might actually be good. At least if it is actually your own knowledge (maybe you know something I don’t know), but usually it isn’t this way… sadly. OK


A printing machine one should have.

But I know, that everything is mine as it is yours, only stupid rules make it someones. The problem is, that people who don’t think, will just grab everything, use it until it all is gone. And I would like to create new things, but sadly most people don’t understand. I have all I need, which is nothing. So I have nothing to lose. And if I have only “nothing” to lose, then basically everything is there for me.

And yes I know… you still think I am crazy… I know, partially I probably am, at least sometimes. But I will probably be one of the few who laughs or just cries or both, when the real shit is going down. Because until last year I had nothing. Nothing what really was worth anything to me and this year I found so many things, but most importantly, I found my love for myself and others again. I still often can’t love myself, but those people who are important to me, I will not leave. And those who I might be able to help, I will help.

Money always hurt me and still does. This year I finally know, that I am not alone. There is a difference between a currency which is solid (not manipulatable) and something which can basically be reproduced by will or need. People are worth less than money in our modern world (in a global scale) and money is basically a way to manipulate and control. I know why by nature I never wanted to work for money and still did when I hated myself and gave up.



And if you still think this is about money, about a market crash or something “normal”. Well, get out of here, have a great life. Because I bet sooner or later this life will change. Or maybe not because it already is so boring that you won’t even see the difference between freedom and slavery anymore. People who ask for the meaning behind my blog, they can’t think for themselves. Which doesn’t mean that everything in my blog should have a meaning or is meant to be meaningful. Sometimes it was just me writing down random thoughts, sometimes I was writing down crazy things and then just what I always wanted to write. The good thing is, that it might not be obvious, the bad thing is, that it might be just confusing.

I personally have nothing to lose because as always, my deepest wish was either to have an earth where everyone actually has an equal chance to think and be or my death. None of these wishes were granted so far. So I have to hope that the first one will be granted in the near future, after the shit show went down and the people start to accept whatever will replace the old system(s). I know in what direction it will go because it is obvious to me. And I always have my option to leave. It is like an all-in, where I am the investment. Because my life and your lives are more worth than money, banks or whatever asset there is. So I have nothing to lose.

People will laugh, as they always do. They will laugh until it is too late.

I also laugh sometimes, otherwise I would probably be almost constantly in a sad or even depressed mood. And in case you think that I can’t tell the difference between depression and sadness. Fighting with the wish to die over the chance to help others who maybe not even want your help, is far from easy. And I only trust myself on it, so no meds or anything for me. If I lose the fight, I did only lose my life. And I mean, then I either go somewhere else or am just gone. But I actually would be more happy to stay, at least for a while and help others.

Each day I didn’t have a suicidal thought, is a good day. So I have no standards except this. Although I sometimes play a role and mask in front of others and maybe tell some stories.

Each day I did something for myself, is also a good day. But not always because such a day can be broken by others.

Each day I helped someone else in some way, in which both of us benefited / felt better aferwards, was also a good day. At least when not broken by others.

Sometimes my brain works on felt 9000% (just more than anyone else I know, except for those who are already dead) and then it just feels as if I am only doing stupid things… because when people don’t understand me, I feel either stupid or crazy or both. And then I way too often believe it.

Not to confuse with situations in which I actually just rambled (is this the word?) around. But usually each time I write or say something it has some truth or value in it. Even when it might be the opposite of what I actually wanted to say.

Words… I really have a problem with the meaning of words. This is why people usually don’t understand me. Because I have images, videos and dreams in my head (like an ultimative multimedia library) and then for me some words make total sense and are clear. But only with all the stuff which is in my head. And when I then try to explain it in words it is almost impossible. Like describing an animal to a blind person. Usually it is better to let the blind one feel it, hear it etc. To get a picture. Words are often not as effective, although people usually rely on words. This is why I feel so alone because the words I am using are not my friends.

Way too often words were turned around, or I found out about other meanings I (for myself) clearly didn’t meant to say, but for people who just know the language of them words, it is probably impossible to ever understand how irrelevant these words become, once you have seen what I have seen, since I was a child. Nature, the endless possibilities, fantasy, imagination, memories, dreams, connections between all sorts of things, usually ignored by most people. The way in which everything could become reality or maybe was or already is. And that if you have a vision you can make this vision come true. Like Steve Jobs for example (not Apple, because Apple is just another blood sucking corporation. He even once where thrown out by them and then was called back to fix it).



The Complex – German Let’s Play






Those who played strategic games, might actually be wiser than those who played on the stockmarket. Than those who built up companies. Because they prepared themselves for the future. An investment, those who never played a complex game, won’t understand. Because a game is only a game, if you call it as such. And so is life.





If you still have no idea what this is all about. I either can’t help you or it is not your time. I hope it is just a matter of time, otherwise you are lost, maybe I am lost as well. But for me this is not important, I was lost my whole life, for now are the days, when I might not be lost.



Can you tell information from noise, from silence?

Is something important for you because you think it is or because someone told you it is or isn’t? And how should they know? How should you know?


Since when was red the color for freedom? Isn’t it that the color red is supporting aggression and mistrust? Isn’t it that the color blue is more calming? And yet both are used against us. To calm, to build up, to create fear, hate and also passiveness. Each side of the coin, doing the same with a different color or strategy. But they forgot about the color green. Green as the symbol of hope, nature and also about a freedom of a special kind.

While the bright blue might promise freedom or the white flag to either give up or show a bannerless opposition, the color green is royal like purple, but natural through the leaves of trees, bushes and the grass we cut down. The little grass to make space for new grass and yet not always because of a need, just because of a must. Green has no time, no control or official role. Not the color green of the flags and banners, for they are just using a color similar to it, to mimic hope or just represent the olives and plants once filling the earth. Or for whatever reason the flag is partially green.

Green has no banner, green has no flag. Many banners are green without the colors you see. Many hearts beat in the manners of green. Is it a color or a statement? And nowadays even green is seen as a party, while using its power to control as well. Because blue and red are getting old and green got already sold. It is new, it is clean it fresh, long unseen.

But behind the curtain they are all pitch black like oil or bright white like plants after meeting chlorgas. As long as the engine is running, the colors you see don’t matter at all, for they are just color codes of various kinds. I am not talking about the visual, but the invisible colors. And those who say, they can see them, well, I don’t know. Maybe they should go see a doctor. Because I didn’t talk about colors. (And I know that some people can actually see colors in combination with sound or other things, I would actually like to meet some of these. I hope you know what I actually meant.)


Why are archers often overlooked or ignored?

A true archer is the most powerful and dangerous figher. Because an archer is not only a ranged fighter but also can fight up close. And a real archer wins all kinds of fights, no matter the distance. But are we talking about physical arrows, are we talking about distance in space or lines? Aren’t we also talking about time, information and a global range?

I am not talking about an archer from a physical perspective, while for sure, the archery is also a very interesting art. I personally only tried it out with a friend at his home and I did hit the target sometimes, but it wasn’t really in me back then. I was more seen messing things up, like accidentally throwing in several windows. Or getting footballs (round ball) in my face, right on my nose, making it bleed. I still my nose got a little broken after all these incidents, at least inside.

So I am not an archer when it comes to combat battle, nor am I a martial artist fighter. I might be able to do it anyways, if necessary. Out of reflex and subconscious memory and practice. And also some rare training I did myself. If you would think, that it can’t be that good, you are right. Because I personally think, that I would probably not even get one hit, when facing a well-trained warrior of any kind. But you never know. I still got my hope or again, I should say. It comes and goes, but never really leaves me forever it seems.

If the archer shoots up high in the sky and everyone else seems to wonder where it goes, some might laugh, others just shake their head. The arrow will still hit the target it was meant for. Even if it doesn’t find its way directly in the core. Who said the archer was aiming for the heart or head?

Maybe the arrow was meant for the wooden wall next to the target, maybe the moving cart, driving in the distant. Who really knew why the archer shot the arrow, was it just an arrow or maybe a message? Either the arrow itself or some marks carved into it. A piece of paper maybe?

Did you see the archer building the arrow, wasn’t it even the archer who made it? So what do you know at all, if you only judge about a movement, an action of a stranger? What do you know, if you think you know what was supposed to happen, while you missed the whole point of it all?

Maybe the arrow was meant to miss the target as a form of symbol, a message, hidden to only the archer and the one who shall receive it. Maybe the target, if it was alive, or a silent observer, unseen by the crowd. The crowd only sees the missed shot, the stupid action of an untrained archer. He better should get back to training, before he shows up at this event. Claiming to be one of the best, don’t you think? And what about you, where are you aiming or do you even have a bow?


I neither want rome nor any kind of communism or capitalism or democracy. For they are all useless in the corrupted state of the world. Corrupted in so many ways, that sometimes even those who started the corruption, might fall into its trap. The color red, never represented freedom, peace or love. When I see a rainbow, I see love. When I see nature I see love. When I see red, I see blood, I see death, I see anger, violence and hatred. When I see red I see a symbol of freedom, while it actually was a tool to gain power. Even stars are just symbols on this cold and dirty earth. And whether it is striped or plain, red is not the color I would use in the name of freedom, peace and love.

Because where I see myself, there are many banners, but the color is not important, the symbol is not important. The heart holding it up high is what matters. Not necessarily literally holding it up, but standing up with a banner yourself in some form. In the old days, many knights and lords had different banners or signs for their shields, families, houses. Some might even had different variations. Even ancestors of mine, well not fully mine, but partially. And I am not talking about the need for lords and banners in a formal state. If you have seen musicians and artists and alike, you know what I mean. It is nothing more than an expression of yourself. Somthing unique to yourself. Wearing a uniform is one thing fighting under the same banner another, but having your own, gives you strength. It makes you feel powerful because it is something you can call your own.

If authority would be represented through actual love, caring for people and justice, then a uniform, a banner or visual representation of such, wouldn’t be necessary. Do you trust or distrust the person because of what they are wearing or what you sense? Because if you just look at a uniform and think you are safe or in danger, how should you be able to trust anyone? Because even I could theoretically wear such a thing, without having the right to do so. I don’t see the point in it for what I am doing, so why should I buy such a thing from the black market. Or why should I buy anything there? But some people do, or even get it in other ways. Maybe even make some their own. So only because there is a name written on a uniform, doesn’t mean it is theirs. And only because it looks real and safe, doesn’t mean it is in your interest. A uniform is just some clothes similar to a group of people. So wearing a uniform, doesn’t make you a soldier, a policeman, a medic or whatsoever. Many misinterpret a uniform, a title and visual impression as something of value, of trust or representation. I only trust what my heart sees, although it also sometimes struggles with the truth. For it is hard to see through the misty fog of lies, of fear and smiles of sorrow.

When everyone knows, when time slows and yet runs faster than the day it measured, the masks of society show their price. The price, everyone agreed upon, everyone who was following the boundries of the rat maze. Never trying to break a wall, never trying to turn around, to move through a hole. Just moving around, following the smell of food, of thought freedom and bliss. Even I sometimes fell for this bittersweet taste, although it was more resignation than cheerful starvation which made me dance the mindless dance of freedom.



Violence is not an end to violence. Violence is the starting point.

If you want to bring peace and you start it by violence, you failed. Because the principle of peace is without violence. Wouldn’t in a state of peace trying to get people to war by hugging each other not be a very dumb idea? Just asking, because a little blood could help to start a war. But what about peace?


I didn’t hear voices as far as I know. But I still was there many times since my childhood until now. It basically is more familiar to me than actually being happy. But I luckily can get dragged away by a movie or some music and then just feel this good feeling of peace and love.

But in my case, I know that deepest reasons for my suicidal thoughts are out of my control at the moment.Which means, that they are just there through time and space. Only a change for the better, a change for the dream world I would want to live in, could probably take them away. Each time I felt this dream to become reality, I felt nothing but love. But because I always had to face reality, I knew that things already seemed to be done. And then I knew, that it wasn’t the end, so I hoped, but felt alone with the hope.

The hope no one wanted to hear about, while actually naturally there had always been new inventions, ideas and thoughts in the past. So why should my hope be unwanted, not needed? Would it not mean, that either they could not see it or I was too early? Maybe speaking to the wrong people?

Alone I always was in a way, so it is no use to try to make me feel alone. With the animals and nature, I am never completely alone. Just if I would know that what I do is the reason for someone to stay. For maybe even more. And I know it is, even if not now or for you. Even if all of this would be removed one day – either by myself or others – I would still have altered or continued the story of human kind. Who knows…




If you made it until here, while actually listening to the audio book and the songs etc. respect! 💜 You might be one of a kind. But you probably just scrolled through.

Anyways, I wish you a good weekend and don’t lose hope. As long as we breath, the message won’t get forgotten. The message of freedom, love and hope. 🙂 ❤️