Giving up your life for truth


But if you had no life to give up, have you been alive the whole time, just realizing how painful the truth is?

And then you knew, that the truth was simple and there are million ways to make it happen. You can do what you want, if you fight for it.

Giving up on life is not necessarily dying, it might be just rejecting the lie of life you told yourself or others made you believe. So if you dream big and I know I do, then why shouldn’t it come true? You can win, if you consider all possibilities. Corporations usually bet on stupidity, on easy play, so if someone is unpredictable in a way, what should they do? If they do anything at all anymore, believing that everything works.

Questions for existence, questions of philosophy, all of these things are depressing in the end. The answer to these questions is the trial to explain depression which is the result of oppression. No oppression, no depression.

And if then still should someone get depression, then all others could help.

But right now, it is more like: “Hey, I am your therapist. I struggle with life as much as you do, so let me try to help you.”

(I mean, may not everyone, but in many cases, if the therapist is honest.)

Imagine, you got born, you got things to play around with, to explore and create. And when you get older you ask questions and more and more learn and do. Imagine a world full of inventors, artist, and people who build things out of joy because what they do helps themselves and everyone around them.

A world full of wonder, of possible change or a just places untouched for decades. And then the universe, there to explore. Different planets, new ways to live, new ways to explore. If the reason to live, would be to die, then I should have died when I was born. Because when I was born, I was a child everyone would have wanted. When I was little people were happy to see me and I was happy to see them. Music was in my bones, words developed in my mind and images in front of my eyes. I have built empires, fought armies, built rail tracks, underground facilities and explored the space in my imagination. I knew that there was endless possibilities and always something new to explore, to understand and to do.

I had endless imagination and I got it back.



If you know that the question shouldn’t be as much about existence and more about, whether you want to be with all the others or just for yourself.

Because either way existence might be or not be, there is always change in some form. Change means life, while a constant stability is dead.

A stable cycle can’t be life, at least if it comes to the experience of life. Earth as a planet actually has a cycle on its own, would we respect it. The problem is, that we didn’t respect it and now the weather might be going crazy because of this (if not humans play around with it). If the people my one grandfather had spoken with were trustworthy, then at least the russians had such technology for decades. But this is not the topic here.

It is important that we don’t forget that we can do so many things in life, so why do we limit ourselves to working for others, while hating it?

We should work for ourselves with others.

So that they have what they need, you have what you need and then you could create things together, explore things together. Doing things with other people is way more exciting and fun, at least if you are kind of thinking in similar ways or at least accept each other without judging on things which shouldn’t be judged about.



So if you could actually live forever, while not having to deal will all this nonsense anymore and all this pain we are suffering now, wouldn’t it be amazing?

Each day you could embrace a new story, a new adventure, a new project to build up. Maybe even new species in outer space, maybe even some you could help to grow. Who knows?

Wouldn’t it be amazing, to finally yourself be the one to explore space, to see all the planets? To all the possible life out there? And maybe meet new people everyday. Like in Stargate, like in so many games.

I would love to be alive in such a future, but I would hate to be in a future like Bladerunner or the Matrix. At least with the bad things winning.

And still, life will always find a way.

We are not giving up now, are we?

We will live, but those who are so willing to hold their life together, to by any means control everything, they will most-likely not survive too long.

When they least expect it, they will fall. Maybe then they will call for God or justice, but I don’t know. All I know is, that the times after the dystopic future others planned, we will stand and survive.

In the end love and honesty will win, a world in which you wouldn’t hide your feelings, your emotions and darkest fears or secrets. A world in which you wouldn’t have to fear to be blaimed, judged or threatened for who or what you are.

A world full of wonder, like Narnia. A world where machines are optional, a world where people are valued and nature and life.

We or maybe you, will see this future. Maybe I will watch you there or maybe we will live it together.

This is not the end.





I hope you got the message with the light and the addiction. I really hope you got the message. Because it really has a big effect on our brain chemistry and I am not talking about your light bulbs here. I am talking about the device you are using and the technology providing this page.

It may be good for a while, but kills you over time.

I know for sure it does because I feel the difference between nature and this kind of technology.

And remember this important quote:

He who defends everything defends nothing.

Frederick the Great

So I just try to protect those and help those who want to live free.

All it needs is love.


(Again, this is for the music, not for the USSR or something)

I sometimes saw videos or sentences, which said that we should stop romanticizing mental illness or thing like this. In my case, I don’t do this. I show that actually most of the people are in some way sick and often those who claim to be normal.

The interesting thing I once heard was, that if a young person would tell their parents everything, people would worry. Because in many people’s eyes it is seen normal that young people hide things and don’t talk about everything.

I understand why, but I think, if this would be true, then you would say lies are normal. Then you would say, that the world as it is, is working. Is it really? I don’t think so because currently many have to suffer, so that some can live. Be it a group of people, some nations. But we are all people and so there is no need for this. Because together we could do so much more.

Life is supposed to be fun, adventure and also to enjoy working together with others to do great things. To create art and other beautiful things.

Most of the time, most of us do the opposite, but why?

Because it is normal. Because it is average.

And if not, then what the hell am I doing here?

I came here with great gifts, great love and interest in all of life and people and nature and all there is. And what did others made me want? They made me want to die. Why? Because I wanted to actually make my dreams come true. Dream big, they said. And so I did. But this dream, seemed impossible.

Luckily…

Because instead of most people I don’t aim to work for when I retire or whatever. I know that I live forever and we all could, or at least a very long time. And we could see so many things, do so many things, some of you probably never even dreamed of or thought of.

And I know that some of you did. Luckily, we are alright.

When it comes to storms, disaster, fear and panic, we will be alright. Because we have been there already, maybe all the time. So nothing is changing all this much for us, it can only get better.

If you worry to lose your house, your job or money. You really got nothing to worry about, got nothing to live for. I sure know why I worried and still worry sometimes. Because I worry about those who are suffering right now, those who are alone, feel alone, fall alone.

You other people, keep chasing your cool careers and money and what.

I am not talking about those who really earned it. They sure paid their price too, suffered as well.

Why suffering, why pain? When love is so much brighter, bigger and better and stronger? Why pain and destruction?

Why did I want to die, to destroy myself?

Because I didn’t see the point in watching everyone suffering, while I couldn’t do anything about it. Because I didn’t see the point in repeating all of this forever and ever. So I thought, would I not have to see it, would I be gone, then at least the others could turn the way they want. I felt so powerless because I knew, I would be called crazy.

But what would you have said to someone back in the 12th century, who had seen or imagined a future like this? Wouldn’t you have called them crazy as well?

“Carts which turn and move all on their own, animal like boats in the sky, lighting in a box and moving images in every house and every hand? You must be crazy, sir.”

And so they locked him away or burn him alive, at least could have been.

I know so many ways in which we could all live together and be happy.

But I am too quiet, still too weak, too scared and little, compared to all of you. If you all just could see what wonders could be, how work could be fun, how work could be not work, but exciting.

If we would understand, that what we want is important, not what others think or tell us that we want. We know better, we can do better and will.

Nothing is wasted and everything can be good again, at least for us who want to live, but don’t see the life we would wish to have. Like living in the forests, like elves. Why can’t it be? Would we have more forest, I see no problem. But sadly there is not enough. So much sand and dust instead.

Can we make it green again, oh yes we can. But what do we do?

We try to control ourselves or let us controlled by others, by media, by phones by people who think they know better. And in the end we follow a cycle, a cycle without hope, while actual life was right in front of us. The tree in the park, the birds on the branch. The cat in the living room and the rabbits on the fields. The stars unvisited, the flowers everywhere. The children playing games, the people singing. And so much more. But what do we do instead? We go to work… even these words are a curse on their own. As if you stop living because you have to do something else you don’t want to. Would it be something good, you would say: “I am going to make some people’s lives better.” But I bet, that some company will now claim this sentence and put it into ads. Some Coke ads these days even praise freedom… In a way it is cool, but also sad when you think about it. :-/


The good thing is, that there are still a lot of good people out there.

Thank you for existing. 🙂 ❤

And with good people, I mean people who care for others.



The more I write here, the more I think I am just showing how stupid and crazy I am, according to other people and what I started to believe after what I considered how I would be seen.

Still I write… confuse some people probably a lot and I am sorry for that.

I should have given this to other people or should have done other things instead.

If this just helped some people and not made things worse for them, that’s all I am asking for. So that this colorful, lost mind didn’t live for nothing, didn’t survive for nothing and doesn’t march on until it might die. Who knows.

I came to bring love, light and teach. And what did I do? I got pushed around, got scared and each time when I tried to defend myself, I got beaten down even more. I know now whatfor. Because I had to see it all.

I am thankful, no doubt, I never was against what wonders I saw, I just thought I was alone with it. Thought it is a lost cause.

It isn’t, that’s why I am here. At least for now.

I am a human like you.

I wish I could here such words, whenever I meet someone knew. Not necessarily the words, but the feeling, when you know that no words have to be spoken. But you just know, you are not all that different after all. Maybe by character, but not by your heart.


(Secret place 239)

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