Don’t be a toooo… nice person.

Be smart. 🙂

So she is wearin’ a crown and she owns it.

And I bet she is a very nice person deep down, somewhere. 😀

(I know what I am talking about.)

So next time someone tries to tell you what you can and can’t do… okay…

Just be smart, okay? Are we in wonderland or what?

People are like:

That’s the spirit guys! 😀

It was so good, I had to listen to it again. ^^

These games really tell the story.

And in the second video at the end it repeated: “e, I feel” (just sayin)


And yes, in the 80s and 90s already complex games existed. Some were even more complex than most mobile games these days. Makes you wonder, no?

And yes, I watched the Let’s Play of most of them with Gronkh playing. Because it was so much more exciting and otherwise I also wouldn’t have known this game. (Gronkh is over 40 years old, so he played these games when he was little or at least heard from them first hand.) Given the time, these games were masterpieces. Way ahead of their time, while these days we often see games way behind the time. Except those special games which will always exist and be created nonetheless. 🙂


These videos are kinda funny and sad at the same time.

Fun and sadness at the same time? What do I hear here? Daaaam right, it is love folks! … no seriously it is. And also, this reminds me a lot of myself. Yep.

Except that I was bullied as well and my mind was on meltdown, but heeey, it is just the best time of your LIE. hehe yes… a lie it was indeed.

I will never want to remember the time in school, except for some of the good days which luckily happened a few times. Usually when school was canceled, the teacher wanted to watch some movies or let us do what we want. Yay school, wuu*can’t breath* uuuaaaa. Okay… no. Just not going back there. School time was pain and work time (while not doing my own thing) was even worse. So yes, if you are one of these people who think that school time is the best time, then you are either brain dead at this moment or you really had an exceptional good and guarded childhood. Who knows…



But silence (if not accidentally being in my situation) is actually a very good way of showing power as well. Even my mother knew that or at least did that when she was younger, so even the soviet officer asking questions got mad and wanted to call even higher authority. (Just because she was quiet.) And then she simply said what she wanted to say anyways and they let her go. Man, I would love to see my mother the way she was back then. All strong, confident and courages. Not like now… when she has to clean toilets and rooms because my father… well. Nope.





Yep. I know why I stay at home. But mainly because it hurts to see and feel people. +1 for me.

But the thing is… I sadly know too much.

The thing is, that I am trapped between the “wear a mask” and the “the masks are useless” groups. And I myself simply think it might be the best choice to just hide in the forest near by, until it is over.

Gotta eat those berries and leaves, yum.

But really, from what I know what is going on and what is possible. I know that this pandemic won’t go away until we either are pretty mentally damaged (wait, we weren’t before?) or accept all the new laws and rules to the point of no return. So basically accepting some kind of new technology which will then “secure” that we are clean and healthy working drones. Yay.

So there probably needs to be some conversation between some groups because in the end we will be in the same boat anyways.

I mean in my country (Germany) people were laughing about people who were talking about RFID chips and such things (and well… trust me, RFID chips are your least problem). And during the last months even some of these people starting talking about it being possible in some way. At least where I got my information from, probably not the typical information source? I don’t know, I mean it was on the radio even.

Because usually people were like: “Yeah, they can’t do that, we have laws against this.”

This year a ton of new laws were created and changed and I mean the military is giving tests to people (no, the military people are not the problem… yet.) I am talking about the fact, that the military usually has no right to do things except for training and whatever they do at their military camps…

Remember how Hitler got into charge? He claimed that some communist burned down the “Reichstag” (the big building where the people are doing this so called “Democracy”. And then activated some kind of emergency law with a backdoor.

Some history teachers were even talking about such things in my recent school years. But they said, well it wouldn’t work like in the past.

I thought, obviously, but then I thought, what would work?

Then I thought about how people would come together and get tricked to a health crisis. Back then I thought: WOW SHIT! This would actually work. Then I broke and forgot about it and here we are in 2020. Yay.

I mean, even a chinese General was writing a book about this. So my thought wasn’t out of nowhere. Maybe it was even at the same point he wrote his book. It is possible, where my mind comes from or went.

So yes, the masks might be necessary for some reasons, but only because our health is already run down. I mean almost everyone around me takes or took a lot of medicine in their life for little things even. And I usually just hat some soup, some days in bed if even and done. Okay, sometimes I got heavy fever and one time I thought I would born to death, but I survived and medicine didn’t really help nor was need for me, at least.

So I questioned the need for it, at least for myself.

Like most of the other things. Again, I found out about most of these things in elementary school age or early secondary school. So… no I wasn’t proud of myself, I was terrified and shocked.

For example, when I brush my teeth, I usually feel bad afterwards because of the toothpaste and I have this bad luck where almost everytime some of it finds its way into my stomach as well.

Cleaning teeth is necessary, but I don’t really trust toothpase, still I use it sometimes but it makes me feel sick. (This is just how it feels, so I don’t say that the things in it are necessarily bad and I know it is not meant to be eaten… it just happens.)

Okay, so for example when I eat things with sugar, my teeth almost immediately hurt. I don’t know about you, but for me this means, it is bad.

When I eat other things it doesn’t do this (and yes I write it this way on purpose).

And for example some softdrinks or other sweets without sugar also aren’t really all that better. The teeth usually don’t hurt, but instead it tastes weird.

In general, most things we buy don’t really taste good or feel good when I eat them. And before you say: “Well, then buy the expensive things, they are better.” I tried and NOPE. Some of them even tasted worse… and no it was not about “whaha I don’t like this because it tastes not good”, it really wasn’t good or felt weird. And for example milk (yes I drink cow milk), almost if not every time I got milk from a local farmer, it was good. When I bought it in any other market, it tasted not that good and the expensive milk was even worse in some cases.

So yes, I did my research you could say (in form of self-experiments over a lifetime).

And man, after all these (usually unwanted, but “necessary”) “experiments” I realized that I must either be one of the smartest people on the world or completely crazy or both. Turns out, I am both in a way. But luckily, I am not the kind of crazy one who harms people. The only thing could be due to me having problems to explain myself and what I try to say.

But well… I can just say, think for yourself, I can’t do it for you.

So if some people think, destroying buildings and fighting with the police will change the world… nope, sorry. At least in the way I have seen it so far.

I mean, do people really buy this and think this is how a riot or revolution is done? Like hitting their own people?

Because these police people could actually be on your side (depending on the country maybe). Because in Germany, as far as I know it, the average police personal, doesn’t get enough money and the personal (at least the normal, more friendly police) got even reduced. Except for the riot police I guess.

So, maybe get some police on your side instead of fighting a possible friend.

Yes, people in the police and military are still human beings (for the most part at least). But some of them, might be drilled or motivated to hurt you.

It is a very difficult thing, if you are following all the rules.

For me, it is clear that I don’t want to get other people sick, if possible. And also not to hurt people, if possible. Because what does violence help?

There are people dying from this virus(es), but again, people survived way worse situations in the past. All I am asking for, is not to accept anything which goes beyond your level of acceptance. In my case it would be a forced health chip or something, which could come in the next years, if they really go for it this time. If not I will probably sitting in some prison or play dead. 😀

No seriously, what do you think will happen to your life in the next few years? Economy is running on emergency level for over a decade now if not longer and even if not, it will still go down pretty soon because it is a rigged game. Big companies pushing around billions of dollars…

And guess what you could do about it, when in a couple of years, or tomorrow, your local bank would say: “oops, you can’t get money right now.” Or you would go to the bank and they would ask for a covid-19 immune certification or something. What would you do?

Simply get one and continue your “life”?

Probably because this is what people tend to do and this is why I felt so useless in the first place. Like, what is the point of living, if living is hell and you end up in hell anyways (according to some people who “sure” know everything). This is when I realized that the point of living was to go against what others do or expect. Because otherwise you are in some way dead.

Or as I would have said as an elementary school kid: “A little death.” while I was talking to a friend about what would be if your hair would burn away. (Yes… yes I did say such things and I also killed bugs in a bucket with water… yes… I know.) But I can expl… LIVING HELL!


You know, when I was a kid and still, I usually thought, why do most adult people behave so stupid in some way? But when I looked at what they were doing, watching and talking about, I knew why. All programmed to be stupid. It is not their fault, but it still felt weird to me, that most adult people seemed so naive and or stupid to me while I was little.

I sure didn’t know everything back then for sure, but I sure knew more than the people around me and probably most people. And I am not talking about words, or numbers (what some people call intellect or smart…) no like, how things basically work, what I want, what I don’t want and how I could get things, would I not care.

So when I was younger I thought, it would be pretty easy to get rich. But I knew I didn’t want to go this path because I knew that in the long run I would have to either trick, manipulate or force some people to do something and ignoring that bad things are a thing was not an option.

So I went on deadlock mode until recently. After I went to a very weird one year recovery trip on my own.

The thing is, that I usually expected scientists to be smart enough to consider a scenario like this, but then I thought, well… given the media, the school system and the government etc. it is no wonder that they are too busy doing other “important” things. (And yes, I know there are some real people out there who try to find answers and actually do science, I hope at least.) I often thought about deleting this whole blog because I know it sounds all so weird, redicilous, crazy or stupid in some cases. I know, really, I know. This is why I didn’t really tell anyone about this until this year. Because this year I knew, now it is getting real and I also woke up from this deep sleep depression mode I got into.

So if you want me to stop, I will stop. I don’t want people to get hurt.

But then again… would it change the world for better if I stop now?

I know I am crazy in most people’s eyes, if even I myself know that it seems this way. But this is my life… yay… or my personal hell, I never asked for.

(Except when I was little and I knew that I would die anyways… but it was more an acceptance and realization than a wish. The wish actually was to die faster, so I wouldn’t have to live through decades of wasted life time to realize that I wasted my life. What I realized in elementary school… I mean that it would be this way, would I continue living.

My brain almost every day while writing or just sharing something on this blog:

Because I am not in a nightmare, it is “just” reality in its purest form available for me. And it sucks…

But all the other versions of reality were also not much better, only messing with my mental health even more. So I finally fought my way through the actual reality again and this time didn’t full give in again after some point.

And so far I am capable of intersting things (again).

So we will see. I still feel as if all of this kind actually be controlled or in some way influenced by me or that I at least received all of this information through different sources. And all in this way. It really feels as if I somehow hacked the youtube algorithm and tapped into our shared consciousness, while most people didn’t notice it at all or don’t even consider it possible.

Maybe I am even alone with this, who knows.

But this is why it seems all even more crazy and weird, but this is just how it seems to be at the moment, until hopefully some more people realize it.

It is okay to pretend to be kinda dumb, but another thing to actually act and think this way. But remember, most people are in some way asleep, so it actually isn’t their fault because they really believe these things. They really believe that they have no other choices, except those presented to them.

So it might really be pointless telling them something, they really can’t undestand it, but not necessarily for the reason you think why.


“No sweet dream, but a hell of a knight.” (and yes, it was probably written “night”)


And most people don’t even seem to know this TV show with the same name, so how should they even have an idea on what this other stuff is all about? …

But hey, they just told you the whole time what was going on (between the lines) and you didn’t understand. For me it was easy because I knew that some of these things were possible. And before you come with these Alu-hats again or “look, he is talking about green / gray little men from space”… aaagghh. I don’t care whether there are or are not aliens making deals with governments. The whole situation is fucked up already, so no need for them. But it is still possible. Either way, did you know that alu actually makes waves stronger? No? well… then you are really as stupid as they think people who talk about x-files and other topics are presented.

It is a mirror. And while some people might actually fullfil the cliche, you would have never seen me wearing such a stupid thing or making weird wave movements or whatever. Man… these things seemed so fake or stupid.

But I mean, people who still think that aliens don’t or can’t exist are pretty “smart”, even people who believe in angels should understand, that angels are basically aliens. It is just another name, but the same thing. Well, in case they were actually from outer space and not originally from here. But some sources suggested other planets / stars.

Either way, it is more important that you understand that life itself is actually way more than you think. So why should magic or such things be fake or not possible?

Who said that it isn’t? Was it God? Was it the secret universe rule maker? So in case you can’t find the guy who said it is impossible, I consider it possible and therefor, why do you still believe it can’t be? I mean, how the heck do you call yourself smart, if you consider magic (or in other words, psychic abilities) as impossible or fake?

This would mean, that you think that your body is just a bunch of cells meant to die. Wuuuiii, you made it into the drone club, happy serving I wish you. (It really isn’t)

Are we talking? Do you see what I see?

No? The thing is, that it is no wonder if you don’t understand. You focus on the people talking about the movie, you focus on the effects and maybe dwell in the nostalgia of the characters and series (if you have watched it).

But what this was actually about, was the present in some way, or the near future. Welcome to my hell people, you are welcome, I warned you a lot.

(This is no joke…. but I know that most people probably think it is funny, crazy … I don’t have time for these people, if they want to argue about such things). They probably don’t even ask whether they will have money after they retire or whether their money actually is worth anything. So yea…

“But John, you need money to…”

SHUT UP! I know that in the present moment you need it, but I am not talking about the present moment.

“John, you are crazy, you know that?”

I know, but did you have a look in the mirror as well?

“Yes, this morning when I went to work.”

Me: *Disappointed look*

Also me: *Gives up the fight because it isn’t worth the fight and time*


So yeah, call me crazy. All I want is to safe some lives.

If it wouldn’t be for them, I could have gone. Because nothing is here on this earth for me. Except for some people who seem to understand at least some of it. And maybe the possibility for actually live in freedom and peace together. But otherwise, why should I stay? If things continue as planned, I will only stay in the hell called life. Not because I want it, just because it is reality.

I walked through a dark forest alone, eyes shut, ears shut, just my feet to feel the ground beneath me. (okay I cheated a little bit and sometimes looked for a few seconds with my eyes when I got way of road) and I learned a lot about myself. Also in general while walking through the dark.

Dancing was never much of my thing, but exploring the dark was a key. Because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to withstand all these other scary things.

I think about moving through the dark logical. So what for example could hit me. A boar, a fox, a deer or maybe some hunter who thinks I am a deer. So I know what typically to expect. And everything else is optional (possible, but not very likely). And yet I have experienced light up candles at the forest entry. A car driving near me in the middle of the forest. And other things. But did it stop me? No. But you probably should stay safe if you don’t really understand what is going on here or in general.

I mean, when I was in elementary and secondary school I knew some martial arts kicks and moves, without ever really training it nor going to any kind of club etc. So I could probably knock you out or accidentally kill you (which is why I have to stabilize this abilities). In my recent years, I was a tall young man, pretty weak because I had zero self-esteem and confidence left. I don’t really excersise or care much for my health. But last year (so even before I started to care about my life a little bit more) I made a 30km walk and had only two cans of some soup with me. I didn’t drink much before I started and also on purpose didn’t take anything to drink with me.

So I only had some food. I ended up half drink, half eating this one can of soup, while walking down a street in the middle of the night. I didn’t really make a break. Only walked slower over time or maybe stopped for a minute to maybe. In the last 10km I made a break, maybe half an hour sitting on a bench. And then I continued. I made it and while I was pretty tired, I survived.

What did this tell me? Well, I told me, that I made a 30km walk, with almost no water, during summer time (it was actually last year August) and no training. I mean I don’t even do basic excersie like sit-ups, or whatever.

The only thing I did back then, walking to and from work ~40min a day. But just chill walking, nothing special.

Either I am a born warrior or I don’t know…

I mean, I have this fast fist movement and could probably grab your foot, would you try to hit me with it. All just through observation.

So observation is a way better teacher than all these practial trainings. At least if you are smart enough I guess and the brain trains itself automatically. Something like in the Matrix. While I wouldn’t say that I could win against an actual martial arts fighter or at least master.

For me it usually was a problem in the past (with basically anything), should I really hit and be serious or just act? And usually I acted, because when I got serious, people got hurt or things got broken.

So for example, a hacking example and I ended up hacking the website behind the example. But no I didn’t succeed (otherwise I would have been shocked). But I mean I accidentally do things sometimes and it ends up being serious.

So no, I don’t want to harm people, this is why I kept silent for the most part, kept alone and stayed back. But this doesn’t work forever.

And I don’t think that I am immortal at this point, but i think that I am capable of a lot of things, most people don’t even think about.

But no, so far I couldn’t move things with my mind. But I had dreams about it often and also about me flying, while people wanted me to stay on the ground and even pulled me back.

You never know, right? O_O

But I don’t want to fly or be able to move things with my mind, although I something fear that I maybe accidentally caused something like this.

This is why I am sometimes scared to see vehicles in front of me, at least when I feel powerful. Because sometimes vehicles started to shake left and right in front of me and this one time last year a truck in front of me almost fell down on the side, while being right in front of me. I felt a lot of pressure because I was going to work or school from somewhere else and needed to the train station with the car. After this incident and the truck luckily get safe back on the road, I was like: “Did this actually happen? What did I just see?”

And I mean, I saw a truck which was at least 30° on the side, so just on one side, while it was the side near the forest and also the street was going downwards on this end. So the truck most likely would have crashed, I supposed. But somehow it didn’t happen. O_O

Was I shocked, yes I was. Did I drive to work / school (can’t remember that exactly because it was unimportant anyway), yes I did.

At least the truck didn’t lift off, right? Right? 😀

Yep… and this is why you don’t talk about what is going on in your life…

Especially when you are me. Heh. Welcome to my hell again.

(And sadly I am not making this up nor joking… but you will probably still laugh… hahaha)

Well, while some of these things of course could be coincidence, and I usually told myself this, it is pretty scary how often such things happened in some way.


No, actually I don’t enjoy it, I just fear that it could happen acidentally.

Like as in, “Oops I acidentally controlled your mind and now you drove against a tree” kind of thing. But luckily this never happened so far (as far as I know) and I also don’t want this. But sometimes I got such an immense dark feeling which was feeling as if it could happen. Call it crazy or a joke, I know what I felt. And trust me, I didn’t want it either. So each time I get this feeling, I try to look away from people and concentrate on other thoughts or things, like trees. Trees are calm, I love trees. No really, they make me chill, not like cars or most other technology.

And if most of my thinking is just in my head, well great, than I could finally relax and laugh. But sadly it actually gets more real each day.

So while I convinced myself most of my life that I must probably imagining it or that things will go down either way, now I can at least use my abilities for good. At least try to.

And no I don’t want to have these abilites nor can fully say, that I actually have them. But some things are way too weird as that they could be just coincidence. It had been way too many coincidences over the years.

I actually stopped counting and therefor also stopped really believing in coincidence. At least for most things. But I still know that some things could theoretically be coincidence and actually should be. At least by nature – I guess.


(just an ad I got:)


The thing is, if I should actually have the ability to manipulate people or control things through whatever power. I actually wouldn’t have to worry about physical attacks because I could just avoid them. I would have to worry more about the people around me or my own psychological defense.

So yes, I of course question my powers and abilities. Otherwise I would actually crazy. I question these things and test some and so I know, that if I really have some, than only to some point not really stable yet.

While one ability seems to be pretty easy, to find information and people who are different. In this case I am pretty good. But I would not consider myself good at anything. Therefor I don’t know how much I actually can do. But at least more as most people, it seems.

We will sees what the near future holds / brings.

And no, so far I can’t really proof my abilities, except for the basic things like how hacking and programming worse (but I can’t really hack, but I know a lot of things, so should I maybe need to hack, I maybe would have a wide rage of possible attacks). Still I am not really got at hacking or programming. But I know things and can optionally focus on them and then do a lot more. At least when I get my space and freedom (usually meaning, not many questions, not much small or any talk if I don’t want it and such things). But only when it comes to technology based problems. Other things are of course a little different.

From reading this you might either expect a very taugh guy or a crazy guy. But if you would see me in person, you would probably just see a very handsome tall guy, who neither looks crazy nor strong. Just a tall young man. Nothing special and usually I feel this way. But you never know, until you try things out or investigate and observe.

“Rules are made to be broken.”

At least when it comes to most people.

Because at some point they either get convinced to stop or get scared (or just don’t want to get into bad things, what is totally understandable, I also didn’t really ask for it, it just happened somehow).

Music and the kind of music you listen to is actually pretty important.

Usually many game soundtracks and also some movies and TV series soundtracks are the shit and also some not well-known people (for reasons explained earlier).

Got the last one actually already just recently, but now I got it as an ad for the last video. So here it was again. Till later maybe.

And no, I still didn’t sleep. 🥴 But sadly I wasn’t dreaming so far. Except for this never ending “nightmare” called reality, of course.

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