Beautiful world(s)

And my madness.

Yesterday when I walked through the night there was this other cat, it was yesterday right? And I also had seen a meteor last night. This night I went for a walk there again and I again saw a meteor around the same location. But this time I also saw a line of light on the night sky. At first I thought, could this be a plain? But it made no sense, because the bright line was like light in the night sky and usually planes do release lines out of light. 😀

And then I also saw that there were some smaller light dots following the line. So maybe it was a military operation or something else. Who knows right?

This time I took another road deeper into the town and guess who again was there? The cat from last night. This time she already came running towards me, happy to see me again.

She greeted me with the joyful cat sound and went all around me again.

When I sat down next to the road, all of a sudden the cat hopped on my lap and took a seat. I did pet her and the cat really enjoyed me moving my hand over the fur. I think I was sitting there an hour or something. At some point the cat also showed me her belly and moved her head near mine.

I think this cat really is in love with me. But I am just a wanderer and I also have a cat already or should I say, one cat already has me? 😀

But well, animals in general seem to like me or are less scared of me. Except for some dogs maybe.

When I moved home again on a different road, I then moved through the forest. I think that at some point I some foxes were running away because there often are some in the area where I heard some animal running away in the bushes.

After I moved past the forest I have seen two young deer playing around and eating some grass. I think they didn’t even notice me or if so, they weren’t scared. Usually (average) people don’t see wild animals or maybe only in front of a hunting rifle, at least around here.

So I am glad for all these experiences, with all these animals and nature.

I think that the animals feel that I am no danger for them and maybe even a caretaker or at least neutral observer. Depending on the animal. Because I don’t think that me and a boar would become close friends, but you never know. 😀 At least I have already see some in the past months.

It is just so sad that we seem to feel the need to kill these animals, I mean even I still eat meat… and I don’t really understand it myself. It is so weird.

Because actually the human body is able to learn to handle different situations. So we can learn to live without meat and instead just eat plants / their fruits etc. My favorties are potatoes because they are alrounders. You can bake them and also make a lot of other things with them. They even can be used for electricity, at least a little bit. Also lambs lettuce (or how it is called). Straw berries were also what I liked a lot when I was younger and raspberry. There are of course many more things, but these were the things I liked the most when I was younger and still like to this day.

What I also always needed was milk. Except for this one time when I changed my whole diet. But then I got sick after some time, while it actually should have helped me to be healthier. Well…. but this is another story.

So I don’t really need as much milk as I am drinking at the moment, water would be enough because I know that I can live with only water. But I think that I often want milk because it somehow makes me feel better. And yes, I know that milk is not needed and in some cases even bad for the body. But tell this my body. So I could live without milk and meat, would I have to. I already did so once when I was in a clinic 5 years ago. I mean, I still got a little of it sometimes, but to such a degree that I didn’t really need it and want it.

I don’t know why I am still eating it then, or again.

Probably because of my family.

I mean I even often felt bad after eating meat, not because I ate it, but literally bad, my stomach would hurt and such things. So it is like double torture and I still eat it?! The heck…

It is so weird.

But the thing is, that either way I would have to get food from my own garden again. Sadly I am not really a productive person anymore and my mother also doesn’t have the power. (And the other problems with my father and such things)

So I am not a vegan or something, while I have no problem with it either. I would even support it, if people would do it because of the animals and nature and not for other reasons. Because a lot of the vegan products are actually harming nature as well or are not healthy. At least when bought from the supermarket. And then you might say: “Well, then just buy it somewhere else.” Well… you know how it goes, no?

This is all so heavy in my head because from the thought I would simply change it all in a second and then we all would live in harmony with nature. But sadly my thoughts are not working this way.

Would all desert areas be green jungle area, my world would be complete. But what we do instead? We even make deserts where weren’t any just hundred maybe a couple of hundred years ago.

Cutting down trees as if they were grass, cutting grass just for the sake of cutting it, while bees could need it or at least the flowers between the grass.

We built factory after factory because we “sure” need more of them. Always more and more. But why couldn’t we at least for once listen to those who are not the majority, who want to actually make the world better for everyone?

When students or usually younger people write things like “F*** the system!”, they are right. But why? Because the system will never really fix problems, only create new ones and make the old ones seem less important.

But would we stop forcing technology to grow farther and farther, would we stop forcing people to work harder and instead be more happy. Would we give them time to think and relax. Maybe all problems could be gone within one year, maybe even some months?

Imagine all the people without pressure. They would work out of joy and purpose and not because of must, need and pressure. The systems will never give that. They are dead, machine like and people serving them are also not much more than machines. It makes them think like machines. And sometimes it seems that even some AI is smarter or more humane than us.

Are we animals or creators? Sometimes it seems calling a human an ape might be an insult for apes. If you know what I mean.

I think at the end of the day all what is important is, that the stomach has something to eat. And of course not just one thing, so multiple things for sure. But there are so many plants, there should be enough for everyone to pick some they would like.

Why is it that we still eat meat? Is it because it is normal? Is it because it is healthy? I don’t think it is healthy nor necessary. It might depend on the human and the state of development. So why do I still eat meat? I think because I am too lazy to buy or plant food for myself. Because I am too depressed from all this negativity around. I wasn’t like this when I was younger. I got there because it all seemed pointless anyways.

Is it? I don’t think so. But if things continue like they do right now, it might be pointless after all. I can only hope that things will change and that I might be part of this change.

And it is important that we are in control of the ways in which things are planted, produced etc. because companies or governments burn whole forest for profit. To build big plantages and buildings. We would do that, would we? We would instead try to make things grow more naturally, to make the desert green and the water pure again. Didn’t you wonder why it is so hard or seems so hard to grow plants? I thought, but didn’t they grow by themselves in nature? So what is the problem?

Water might be a problem sometimes and that many seeds / plants are already gene-manipulated. They also don’t really taste that good, you can really taste a difference (we have some natural tomatoes for example).

In India many farmers got told that the gene-manipulated rice or food was better, while in the end they could only grow it once or maybe twice from one time buying seeds. But in nature seeds are always there and so you could grow more and more over time.

All programmed, all planned, all out of hands in a way.

But as long as we are breathing, as long as we live and know, they haven’t won.

If the whole desert areas would be useable for planting, we wouldn’t have to worry about space for planting food. And it is possible, some people already tried. Well, maybe not in the Sahara, but over time, maybe even this will work. Why aren’t we focusing on these things? I know… war is so much more profitable and oil and money in general, is so much better than nature… I know.

This mess… this mess they call life.

When I see plants, I see friends.

When I see animals, I see friends and sometimes feel guilty for still eating them sometimes (not exactly the ones I see, but you know what I mean).

When I see humans, I usually see problems, a lot of problems and also feel a lot of problems.

When I am around I attract the negativity and then the other people seem to feel better, at least when I don’t let it all out again.

And when I transform the negativity, it is even possible to make something productive and positive together. But as soon as the negativity gets too much for me again and I have to take a break. The whole thing is dead, whatever I started or tried to do with others. The other people usually won’t continue. So it is up to me again and it is just too much.

All this negativity around me and in the world.

If I look at my country (Germany), I see the walking dead (or ignorance) everywhere. Not literally “dead”, but dead-inside in a way.

And then I often feel this way as well because I absorb these feelings, while I don’t want to.

If I would for example have to live with vegan people or just people who usually don’t eat animals, I probably wouldn’t have a problem. I would just adjust myself and get along with it. But because I am with my mother and she eats meat, I also eat meat. Why? I don’t know… I mean I know, but this is so weird.

Would I be a cat or tiger, I could at least say as an excuse that by nature I am eating flesh. But humans can actually eat anything in a way. So you can’t really play the “by nature” card / excuse here. And I mean I even have heard from cats which ate chocolate and mine even eats cheese sometimes, so about that.

It is a learning process, but actually the bigger problem is that we are not really given much time, much freedom and control over things.

All these papers, laws etc. they don’t really give us what we need. We know that many companies fake certificates or get them because they know people etc. So why do we let this happen? If we don’t take care of it, who will? The government? Sure… we know this won’t happen, at least not really. Only as long as it is profitable or helps for voting etc.

Otherwise we would have a better world by now, with all this “freedom” we got. Don’t you think? Most of the time all these laws, papers, certificates, money and people who knew it all “better” (at least they found reasons) made my life only harder and gave me less and less freedom. I thought, could I just walk to a shop or someone who either builds or has to do with computer parts for example, things would be easy. But would I just go there and say: “Hey, I could need this, this and this. Could I have this please?” I would of course either have to pay a lot of money, have a company or certificate etc. And even then there would be some papers and things.

And the whole process makes it hard for me because I see no point in these things and they literally kill me, at least inside. It is no joke, they really do.

So I see no chance there. In Skyrim you could do that or other games. I am just saying.

Arguments like: “But would everyone just get what they want, some would use it for their advantage.”

*eye rolling* Are you really this naive or … okay. You know that right now, probably more people take advantage of things, while it actually is not helpful? For example they use some laws to get extra money, while others work hard and get less. Or they give a damn about the environment and just get rid of their garbage in other countries or regions where either no one asks or no one sees. Is this not “taking advantage”? Hmm?!

So all these arguments are so garbage, so stupid. Because in the end we would either have to face the same problems and then finally make it better or maybe no problems at all (except maybe for some people who still want to be “better” than others). If someone would for example like to be a smith, they could be a smith and do whatever they want to do and should someone need something or want to learn it for themselves, they could help.

This would be freedom and not “You have to pay taxes, you have to make this, this and this certificate and pay for these tools and oh.. you need an insurance in case you FALL IN YOUR F***ING SMITH OVEN…. eh … okay calm down.

I mean most of the companies, papers and money related businesses would be unimportant and people working there could instead use their brains for important things, like how to actually help people. Be it with food, motivation, taking care of working health care and sanitary installations etc.

It usually isn’t too much the fault of the people working in / for companies. But as long as you work for something which isn’t useful in the long run, you are also not helping for the good stuff. The thing is, when is the point of change? Is it possible in just a day?

What are all these companies worth anyway in the end? Nothing but dust…

But people are priceless, life in general is or at least should be priceless. And what do we do instead? We put money and profit over life. While money is just paper if even, just numbers on a screen. And people are dying each day… for nothing it seems. Why? Because everyone continues, business as usual… (not literally everyone, but you know what I mean, right?)

Now what or who am I in this mess? I am not sure yet.

But would someone else stand up and say, let’s do this, and it would be a good idea, I would say, I am in. Yet I think, that I have too many things of my own so that it would be a problem for me to work for someone else. It simply can’t work. In general, working for others doesn’t really work.

We should work for our own goals, dreams and ideas. Because we probably have way better ideas than those on the top. Often it is that they search for little fish like us, take our ideas and make profit, while we at best work our asses of or die…

Violence won’t really make a difference because violence never really gave the big change. At least if there only was violence and nothing else.

You first have to imagine what you want. You have to have a goal in mind, for example what you would like to have in paradies or heaven. Otherwise, how should it ever come to life? It is “easy” to replace one goverment with another one. Just kill them and place someone else at their throne. But then, they would have to face the same problems. And often they then either make things worse because the new ones also have no clue or blame others again. So the cycle continues.

You really have to make sure that most people or actually everyone fighting for the same goal and that people really know what they want. So that they would not start or continue fighting after they won. Like the Kurds, they just want their own country. This is all they are fighting for. They know what they want and from what I have seen they are strong and amazing people.

And the same goal, doesn’t mean that everyone has to want the same thing.

In my case it actually means that people learn what they actual goals and wishes in life were before they forgot. And what they actually are good at, instead of their shity job, many people usually have.

If people have purpose and fullfilment through what they do, if there is love, then things work. Without love nothing works.

A love based world would know no fear, no problems unsolvable, no pain (if even only physical from accidents maybe).

Our current world is fear based, well not the earth, but what we made with it and us. But fear will always cause more problems. It is only good to make people fight each other or hurt themselves. The only good thing about fear is, when something you feared, doesn’t take effect or isn’t as bad as expected.

In the world I would want to live in, fear wouldn’t be necessary, wouldn’t be a thing. Because instead of fear people would just know that some things could happen and prepare themselves, just in case. So that there would be nothing to fear. Things would be made out and with love. Things would be more emotional, more alive and exciting instead of dead, machine like working. I would see scientists hugging each other and laughing with tears when they found something new. I would see people crying, when someone died through an accident. I would see people working on and with what they want to work. There would always be something to do. Because no one would say what has to be done or can’t be done. People would want to do good and helpful things in general because it makes them actually happy.

We wouldn’t have homeless people, wouldn’t have all these problems with fighting religions, parties etc.

People would work together in peace. And we could have many countries or “kingdoms” big and small. Because money wouldn’t be a problem anyways, war wouldn’t be a thing. So why couldn’t it be possible to give people their own little kingdoms. In which for one day maybe everyone could play a king. Who knows. It would be a colorful world. A world full of wonder. And we would also go out and explore other worlds.

And finally get these diamonds. 😀

There are so many things possible, but instead we enslave ourselves or let us being taken advantage of. Until we die, let us getting killed or take the “easy” way out ourselves. Why? Because the pain kills us and the pain has to stop.

If we want to go to where we came from, what would it help, when we could be happy where we are?

I think the need to go to heaven, the need to go to the stars is so big because at the moment and past we haven’t had much freedom and love around here. So we wanted to escape, wanted to finally get what we couldn’t have.

And there are so many ways. Why limit ourselves to only one or none?

If you look around the world, you should see a lot of different cultures and people. Although some things from the past might not be as helpful or good, they still are part of our history. And if we destroy it or eliminate its existence, we could also just burn everything down. This is why communism is no good, capitalism is no good and I would say all the other systems as well. We need something new, something based on love, trust and wisdom. I mean, this isn’t totally new, but not in this big scale. Not with these many possible ways to live it and do it. A world where you could actually choose your freedom. When no paper work, laws and weird rules are holding you back.

I mean, we would probably still need some ethical and moral codex or something, but it would be something everyone could agree upon. And the few who would then still want to harm others or do shit, they could get taught better ways in a peaceful and contructive way, instead of locking them away in prisons to let them fight each other in there.

Imagine a prison as an experience of learning how to find yourself and such things. Not like a dark place, but a place to find your true self. I am not talking about brain-washing or things like that. But the free choice to do something useful. And I think that people usually would decide to do something, instead of just sitting in a black room, all alone.

If even people who were meant to sit still on a chair and a shocker – for optional electrical shocks – decided to try out the shocker instead of doing nothing. So yeah, if you would give these people (especially the newer generations) some games to play, some things to work on.

But I know, it is all Utopia, it is all impossible… I know. At least this is what people usually say to me. Or that I should first show them. But how should I show something, which only works through love? And love is invisible?

If people can’t feel love, then it is hopeless. Luckily I know that there are many others now, so I am not the only one. 🙂

We will see. And I hope that my flaws will fade as well one day, when all this mess is finally over and we live in peace together.


Should you want to know more about my thinking about war and fighting for love, maybe this older post “What war should be” could interest you, as well as the previous post “The war of love“.

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