Psychosis – N/A – Reality?

Paranoia, Psychosis and in general possible crazy warning.

(Should have put more of those on my posts, no? Well, I guess it didn’t kill you and can’t kill you am I wrong? I just hope you know that I love you people, even if you should hate, fear or laugh about me)

If you think about war, if you think about protest, if you think about what would be the best strategy to get rid of everyone who would possibly fight against a regime. How would you do it?

Well, I would of course let the most powerful fight against each other or come out and fight and then let them fight their “stupid” battle, kill them or get them into prison or convince them to surrender and then all others will follow. Easy, right?

I mean, just think about it. If you would be outside of the given world and you would want to filter out the strong, how would you do it? Obviously through a lot of injustice and problems. Because who wouldn’t stand up and defend the weak? Well… sadly most people actually wouldn’t.

As I wrote in previous posts, my mother often was the only one who defended other women or people, while there often had been a lot of other people even strong men. And they did nothing, NOTHING to help.

So when you see a protest, think twice. Maybe they are just mindless people. Or maybe they got convinced that it was necessary only to get dragged away later.

I mean, just think about a scenario in which maybe actually aliens – yes we are going down this road now (or some kind of evil being at least) – got control over us humans for at least a century (if not for many centuries). Wouldn’t it be very easy to stay in control?

You could get the strong ones, those who could actually harm you, into wars against each other and therefor leave the weak who wouldn’t be able to fight you. The rest would follow your command anyways, believing that you are God or whatever.

This would mean, that if that could be true, we might fight each other for centuries, while another species or aliens or whatever, are laughing their ass off about how easy it is. Because they would convince most people that other people are evil or bad, so that they fight each other.

And these days it is even easier than before. While then most people would either fight each other, be scared, or trapped in other lies created long ago. So most people wouldn’t even think about speaking up about it because they would be called crazy.

Then you take some people or create some fake videos and things, to make people who actually tell the truth or at least try to stay open and think everything through as weird, dumb and crazy. And I hope you know that usually false information spreads a lot faster than right or at least neutral information.

For example, I have seen many movies, videos and other things in which people were presented as dumb, crazy and freaks etc. and then called sick.

I thought, but well, I am pretty calm, I am thinking it through and there are just so many possibilites, why can’t it be possible that there are aliens?

I mean, think about it. Basically we are “aliens” from the perspective of other life forms out there in the universe. And some scientists even said, that it is paradox that we haven’t seen nor heard of any since we thought about the possibility.

This should raise the question, whether we might actually be surrounded by them in some way? I mean I even watched a very old sci-fi movie, I think it was still in black-white, in which a scenario like this was given. And then a little child saw that some people all off a sudden acted weird. And then the kid discovered that they had a mark on their neck I think. And people started to kill each other or others who tried to stop the aliens. It was pretty weird and I think in the end the humans did survive and kill the aliens. But man this memory…


I mean, what the hell.

And if you now still follow my blog, congratulations, you are either not really paying attention or you think I am funny crazy or… you start to think things through.

And I mean, there still is the possibility that we humans are just pretty stupid, but I mean, people… what do you do, if almost everything is manipulated? Just asking…

I for my part just kept on marching, kept on living, waiting for a moment.

The moment never came and then I just started to dig deeper in my memory and deeper and now we are here. OOOFF.

I hope it isn’t as serious as it seems. And by the way I know that this could seem like a major psychosis or someone getting insane. I know that. At least from what people around me were thinking and acting. So they would sure call me that. That is why I didn’t speak about it in my area or friends. At least for the most part.

This is why it is so important for me that you are still alive, that you are human and thinking for yourself.

It is just about a possibility and not a fact. But most facts these days are no facts. So anyone can tell you bullshit and most people believe them, if they look convincing enough. I mean, we all watched movies, right? The actors also made convincing scenes, yet they are all fake. I mean not all emotions and that, but I think you know what I am talking about. It means, that people can fake a lot. So how do you know whether someone is brain-washed or not? Be it for whatever reason… aliens, China, AI, society…

How do you tell the difference between brain-washed people and those who are not? Well, I guess if they listen, if they try to understand and maybe not overreact. Because many people often laugh about people who say something weird or at worse call police or something. Then they look them away and give them meds. At least it happened in the past.

So everyone else knows what would happen, if they would do the same.

That is why I also didn’t talk. Man this is crazy…. I still can’t believe this is happening right now in my brain.

But I am calm, thinking it through and thinking that while this is pretty fucked up, weird and totally crazy from most people’s perspectives, I must say: “HOLY SHIT THIS STUFF IS SCARY!” But well, that is what I got on my mind. Better watch your steps my friends. I mean I often heard helicopters over my area the last weeks. And I remember that when I ran away from home one day in January I think, a helicopter was fyling over the forest I was walking through.

Back then I thought, well maybe there is a prisoner on the run or maybe they search for someone who got lost or something. Just “normal” things. But now… and also all these cars which were driving through or near the forest at totally different times whenever I was walking there. While usually where I live there isn’t much traffic at night nor in the forest. It could all be coincidence and some of the cars might actually have been people like me, trying to get away from things a little. But still…

This is so crazy…

I know that we are still human and that there are many humans on this planet, but are we really in control? And are we really thinking that much for ourselves? I mean some rich people even were talking about this, as you hopefully have seen in previous posts / videos. So if even they are starting to freak out or at least question reality, maaann..

Dam son.

And again, this is just me, my memory, my thoughts and what I experienced etc. so I hope that you have some other things to tell. And I also hope it isn’t that serious. So if let’s say economy goes down this year or next year and people start to realize that the global market idea was pretty bullshit and all and maybe start singing songs together instead. Well, then I am happy. At least if they then would start talking about important things like love, peace and freedom and actual education and how people could protect against attacks, build houses, garden, think and help etc. basically wisdom.

But well, maybe this isn’t working because we either have very crazy people like China’s leaders or even aliens or whatever controlling us. I mean we should wonder about how long it took to realize that war is bad.

So I think that the because we got smarter in a way, the rulers had to give more “freedom”, so it wouldn’t be all convincing. Just to let the illusion no break down completely. Like: “Son, you want peace? I give you the freedom to work till death for some money, okay?” And then you would be like: “But sir, I want world peace and love. We could do so many great things all together.” And then the “sir” would be like: “Well son, that is not possible.”

But everything is possible.

“No son, this is NOT POSSIBLE!” (starts to rage)

hmm… yep… yep that is reality.

As long as they are happy, under control and think they are free, all is good. – could be the words of the world ruler(s).

And actually when you think about the old story of Utopia back from 16th century or something, it is what we have now or at least it seems this way. But we are still not really happy. Why is that? Well because Utopia is actually Dystopia. And why is that? Because you kind of feel forced to be a certain way. So while back then it might have been cool to think about it, it actually is pretty painful now when you think about it.

I actually heard or read some article title which said something similar.

This would mean, that we should step back from Utopia, back from Dystopia Utopia and start to think what we actually want. So in case we don’t have an alien invasion or futuristic AI or other diabolic beings / things controlling us, we should really think about a change.

This made me remember one episode of X-files I think, in which they found a worm in arctic ice. And then it got in their heads and they start to fight each other for no reason. Because these worms were out to kill each other (for whatever reason). And X-files background story was about why the presidents got killed and also aliens. And in the final season of the old series (early 2000’s) the kind of smoker guy said, that in 2012 the world won’t end, but that the end would start. 8 years later, well actually 7 years later it actually seemed to start getting visible. Interesting…

And in the small season which was produced later (2016) they also kind of laughed about the past, but then things all of a sudden got pretty scary as well and it ended with a pandemic and aliens.

Hmm… he always looked pretty calm and good-hearted to me.

Sometimes he also had enough of this mess he had to work through, but well… as I said, I know that this all sounds crazy, seems crazy and maybe some of it is.

But again, it is possible. And because it is possible, you have to think about it. Not freaking out going crazy, just think about.

And if you can face it, you can survive.

And man…. this is so weird indeed. But why? I mean we watch sci-fi movies. So why can’t this be real? Am I the only one who thought about this or what? I hope that it isn’t this bad, I hope we will survive whatever is going on at the moment. I really can’t tell what exactly is going on. But I know that I will survive as long as possible and keep caring for the people I love.

And I hope you didn’t freak out. I know this is possible, but you just have to sit it out. You won’t die from it. And I hope that this is “just” crazy. I really hope that, but man this got too real.

Yep. Yep…. man it is getting to a level of realness I didn’t ask for.

But whatever is actually going on, at least we are still alive.


At least I feel alive. Hope you are all doing good and that you didn’t smash your head against a wall or your hand against your face because of how stupid I am. Or at least this is what you will probably think. Well… do what you want, I know that this is all pretty strange. And I hope that we will go out of this nightmare alive and together. Be it the pandemic, the economy, the China part or a possible alien “invasion” or passive control.

Well… whatever is going on, we will soon find out I guess.

At least one thing is for sure, don’t freak out, keep calm and don’t simply accept what everyone does as normal. It could be that they are thinking the same or not thinking at all. So normal is actually usually abnormal. And therefor normal for me means average behavior, while what I would call “normal” would actually mean to be honest, open minded and if you want, help someone you can help. But doing your own thing is also completely okay. As long as you love yourself.

Because if you don’t feel free or in some way under pressure. Maybe something is actually wrong with your environment or the people around you and not with you. This is why I think that pharma and psychiatry etc. is scam for the most part. Because in the end you have to face your fear or you maybe can’t because the people around you didn’t as well. Believing that pills could cure, what maybe wasn’t even all that much of a problem.

This means, that for sure you can break and do weird things out of trauma etc. but that you can work it all out with people who you can actually trust and support you.

I know some people I trust. I hope you got some too. If not, I don’t judge.

I mean what could go wrong, right? If all is possible…

Well, if even the horse wins. 😀 I think there is plenty of hope left.

Horse won!

Well, last year seemed to be normal.

The thing is, that this channel (the person owning it) stopped uploading videos since December. And also some other channels.

Isn’t that weird?

I mean back then the pandemic wasn’t even a thing.

And sure people can die from different things, but man…

You sure we are in control? And if the cause of death or disappearance of this guy would be suicide, then it is pretty obvious. Because he had no reason for it. I hope he is still alive.

Yep, I am sure it is not… OH HELL NO!

The guy on the left is basically me, trying to explain my dad that this is my property. And yep, I failed each time like this “NPC” here.

I was an NPC after all. I knew it. xD

What this guy is talking about and showing in this video is basically my father almost all the time. He just today “cleaned” our (me and my mother’s) car with an old and probably dirty cleaning rag. And when I asked him to stop, he made a scene so the neighbors could see how “horrible” his son is, while he is the “Good” dad cleaning the car and all. While the son is doing nothing. While this actually is my property and none of his business.

I mean I even told him that if my house would start burning, he wouldn’t have to call fire fighters or help me. I mean, okay that was a little too far, but I soooo often told him that whatever happens on my property is my problem and not his. But he just does what he wants. And I know, if I would call the police or whatever, that things would only get more complicated.

I believe that he would probably convince the police that he is just helping and that I am crazy. My father doesn’t work 20 years, does almost nothing useful with his life except breathing. And always complains about me and my mother and that no one helps him, while my mother worked 20 years so he didn’t have to work. What a nice dad…

Auugh. Sorry. I just got into this again.

Okay. But I mean after reading my blog, you probably think something like: “How is this man still alive and how is this man even positive?”

Well, I don’t know. I think because I thought through all possibilities multiple times and still live. So I kinda faced my fears and they didn’t kill me yet. So that must be a good sign, right?

We will see. I hope that things will get better, while they most likely will get worse for now. But just don’t give up, no matter how deadly or hopeless a situation might seem. I mean some people were actually innocent in prison for decades and because they kept surviving they got out one day and could finally do what they wanted. Or at least had the chance to do so.

And even if you can’t get out of a prison, be it an actual prison, a country, or whatever, you can still do good to yourself and people around you. And if it is the last thing you will do. Better dying for a good cause, than being dead inside a whole lifetime, while not living at all.

And after all, I still hope I can somehow help my father. But it seems pointless. So whatever happens in the near future, I think my father is my smallest problem, still a very annoying one. And I would really like to release him from his closed mindset. I tried many times to talk with him calm and caring because I know he is hurt. But it never really changed a thing. If even only very, very small things. But the big issues are still the same. He wants total control over me and my mother’s life, while he thinks he is “helping” and acting all nice and busy in front of neighbors. But most of what he is doing is useless and only time consuming. He has no hobbies, no job and no real purpose in his life. Nothing except breathing and trying to control everything, while running away from himself. Sad story…

He tried to make me like him and partially it worked. But hey… I am still alive or alive again I should say. And I am enjoying this weird adventures my mind goes on, while all of this actually is pretty serious when you think about it…

I hope you are safe out there, living, breathing dreaming and having hope and love. Stay true to yourself. And I hope that half of what I am talking about is bullshit, I really hope so, but you never know for sure. Would I know for sure, well, maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here anymore.

We will see. And should my blog start getting different, well maybe it isn’t me. Just to let you know. 😀 Hehe… yea…

Okay. But so far we are still here. Isn’t that great.

If you say so… sir.

Well, these videos are pretty critical actually. Maybe it is that why this channel hasn’t posted videos since December.

Who knows. I hope this guy is alright and if not, that it wasn’t what I think it was.

Eh okay…?

I mean I could be a propaganda machine, right?

I could theoretically be a bot.

But why? Right?

So yes, we have to think about important things now.

I am sorry for this kid, but yep… that should be the reaction in your head right now. If you should be still able to function properly after all my weird videos and text.

Man I wish we could talk in person… hopefully one day, if this mess is over.

And if not, hopefully you will still be alive and remember me and the others who weren’t sleeping or at least tried to stay awake in some way. 🙂

And now I think this guy got way too mean all of a sudden.

I mean, yes, all lives matter. And… well actually in this video no one represents my opinion. Not the girls cleaning the building, not the woman yelling and also not the guy talking in the video. And I mean, I love people who are happy together. But this is all bullshit. All lives matter and done.

And buldings shouldn’t be sprayed with things which hurt in the eye. Instead with things which blow your mind. No one would really care about written text on a building, would they? They would just think it is not looking good. So why even spraying? I mean, I am for some real graffiti art on that building, I want all people to live and no brutality and harm. But yea… it is hard, if people are yelling at each other or about others.

Heck even I do that sometimes, at home about all this bullshit.

But getting angry did never help me, so I had to overcome this angry me and be better. I did that when I was younger, but was alone, so I died inside. Now I am not alone anymore and I am strong inside. This is why whatever bullshit is around me or getting at me can only effect me for some time. I still get into it, as you can see, but I am fighting my way out again and again.

Don’t let it get the best of you. Okay?

If my blog makes you feel bad, then leave, okay? I mean what doesn’t help you, leave that.

I am just trying to survive, trying to remember things and put everything together. And also try to make sense of it, while most people are trying to accept the rules which make no sense. Like the old couple which had to pay several hundred euros just because they weren’t far away from a building which sad 50m distance and they were 42m. I mean what is this bullshit…

Probably people who live for money, trying to get money because economy is dying. Who knows… all is possible. And that is the scary part and the good part. Because things can also get better at some point. Just don’t give up and stay alive. And watch your back. 🙂

Me: Feeling like a rebel

Also me: Feeling like a crazy one, but knowing that things sadly make sense.

Also me again: *Sitting in my living room and questioning what I am doing here*

Also me in 2nd person: He tries to save some before it might be too late.

Also me in 3rd person: This character looks nice. I think I will call him Johandros. Johandros Systems. No wait the character already has this name. Dam it. J.SYS is on the run.

No really guys, what is going on in the world?

I hope you are safe, I really hope so and I know that some of you might not be safe out there. I pray for you, I wish you good luck.

Well and yes my brain often got “connected” to thinks which didn’t have to do with me or were going into a wrong direction. This man is boss! 🙂

So yes, somethin is going on.

I think in the end the ones who start a riot will be those who will help the actual problem.

Therefor a riot will not change a thing.

We all know that it never really did.

So yes, start talking your truth.

And stay safe.

When I learned one thing. Don’t do what others did before you.

And all life and lives matter. China is completely ignored and even our society is corrupted in many ways, at least now more than ever.

Hello? Are you listening? I know not all of what I say is true or correct.. I am (re-)learning myself, okay. So please don’t tell me when I am wrong. I know myself when I revalidate. I just want you to start thinking.

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