Pressure, stress and fears

This guy really summed it up in a good and positive way, although the topic is pretty sad. Words which were pretty motivational towards me. And yes, I was so happy whenever I saw a teacher who loved to teach and loved to learn. Sadly this wasn’t the case most of the time. Sometimes the teachers would even ignore questions because they had no answers, instead of trying to find one alongside with their students. School felt like a useless time waste in which you are forced to do what some people say, only to get some certificate or grades, which in the end are all worthless. But man, most of the teachers would be like this man (not meaning they have to be a man 😀 ), school would be fun.

And it often is said, we need more teachers (at least in my country), but then no one wants to become a teacher. Why? Because they probably hated school and don’t see much money and fullfillment in it. I for my part love to teach people things, but I was scared and broken for far too long and also I didn’t want to go to another school or to university for some years, only to end up dead inside again. Should I be a teacher, then probably one who is not in school, but in the internet, doing unconventional learning. I wish these things would be supported and promoted more, so that individuals like me could learn in their own ways and get a degree or certificate which would be respected. Because what I have now, is still okay, but nothing too special or good either. So what were 13 years of school and 2,5 years of work + school worth? Not much… because the education was either nothing new for me (therefor boring) or too stressy (therefor overwhelming and painful). When I look back at school, I see pain, misunderstandings, bordom, hate, waste of time, stress, fear and a lot of pressure.

“You can’t fail the exams!”

“You have to learn for the class tests!”

“You have to go to school!”

“You have to have to must and work….”

I wish that the children growing up now, will get a better school experience or learn experience, education and a stable ground to build upon.

My ground was more like cheese and I seemed to often try to build over the holes, because I didn’t see where I should build, didn’t see the holes because it all looked the same.

Of course I didn’t really build on cheese, but when I tried to build on strong wood or stone (what seemed this way for me), it was said to be the cheese.

I think that I usually fall into mental problems because the world seems to be a joke to me, a lost game, not worth fighting for. But a part of me always knows, it is not lost yet, so there is always a chance to win at the end.

I simply suppressed all good of me because I thought in order to survive as long as necessary, I had to. Life changed, perspectives changed and people changed, not all, but enough for me.

“The majority is always wrong.” said someone important

But why is that?

Maybe because the majority is thinking they have to be like the others until they loose the sense of independence and free thinking. Maybe not everyone needs that, but many people may had it once, but lost it due to pressure, fears and expectations.

In school it usually was all about that A’s or 1’s (in my country). But when you get out of school you soon realize that after a short time, no one cares about these grades and years of your life. At least this is what I experienced. So in my case: I wasted most of my life either way (luckily not all of it) only to get told, that it all was useless or wasted.

And the best part, I knew it the whole time, but most people around me were always like: “You need this to be successful.” while I was like: “No, I don’t.”

And now you see that I was right, at least for my part. Maybe some people need this kind of education, productive, future plan. I clearly only got more and more anxious, depressed and pessimistic because I never really saw the point in it all.

Let’s give the generations after us a better future and build it with them. Because we seem to think, that we know what they want, based on what we wanted or got told. Maybe their dreams and imagination is way beyond ours or way different. Finding a good middle is not bad and staying open for new things never should be a problem.

There are limits when it comes to health and ethics and such, but I think, happy, healthy and motivated children won’t tend to do crimes and harm others or themselves. Because why should they want to do that? If your life is good, why would you want to ruin it? Something else must be wrong first because I clearly didn’t want to end up like this. And with “end up” I mean (hopefully) temporarily being overwhelmed and in an unstable, but more positive state. Should it be permanent, I could say “end up”, what I actually should say: It shouldn’t be necessary for people to go down this far, not to break, to come to the freedom they always wanted and needed.

Would I have had a healthy home and school experience, man I guess I would build intuitive operating systems, maybe supportive AI and definitaly have my own companies.

But for the moment, I am just writing (more or less weird) inspiring posts, make some strange music and play some video games, while I try to help some other people to achieve their goals. Be it mental health, be it art, be it just to not feel alone.

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