(ENG: Arrived(?) – New beginning)
[ORIGINAL IN GERMAN]
Befreiung, Freiheit und Eigenständigkeit,
da fühlt man sich wohl erst lebendig,
ein Neuanfang auf eignen Füßen,
das Berufsleben lässt grüßen.
Doch ist’s nicht immer gleich,
eine eine arm, der andre reich,
die Firma gut oder nur zum Zweck,
voll im Leben oder im letzten Eck.
Aber es gibt nicht immer nur zwei
Seiten oder nicht nur drei,
es gibt auch einfach nur hier und jetzt,
glücklich, zufrieden und nicht gehetzt.
Liberation, freedom and independence,
you only feel alive then,
a fresh start on your own feet,
professional life sends greetings.
But it is not always the same,
one is poor, the other is rich,
the company good or only for the purpose,
full of life or in the last corner.
But there are not always only two
pages or not just three,
there are also just here and now,
happy, satisfied and not rushed.
I wrote this in the first week of professional school. I thought that my life might actually get better now. I had new hope, but I also wasn’t too sure about it. And well, I simply didn’t realize that I had several tonnes of problems inside of my head. This is why I probably put a “(?)” after the “Arrived”. I hoped that it would be true, but I didn’t trust it because in the back of my head I knew it wouldn’t work. But I didn’t listen to it because I learned to not pay much attention to my own opinion.
Man, it is always interesting to analyze my old poems and in general things I wrote and did during the years. I often found psychological messages and screams for help, while I didn’t really think about it when I was writing it.
I often didn’t remember writing the things until I found them somewhere.
My memory is pretty fragile, I forgot years of my life sometimes, I forgot friends I had, good times I had. As if it never happened, put into boxes to be never seen again, erased, lost.
Now that I rediscover those memories I actually found some good memories, despite all the pain and problems. The memories are getting better and also my thinking process seems to change for the better. But it could of course be an illusion.
We will see how it goes, but I sure know, that there is still a lot to fix and process. Now that I finally can process it.