The possibility to win by loosing

On Saturday I wrote something about war, love, reasons to do things the heart way and so on. I will probably publish it tomorrow. I actually forgot most of it again, as usual, but at least it is out – tomorrow I mean.

Imagine that everyone wants to win the game because they just accept the game as it is presented.

The game rules:

  • Just fight for yourself
  • Do what others do
  • Don’t risk anything
  • Obey the system
  • Follow the rules
  • Hide your secrets
  • Don’t talk about strange things
  • Accept the situation as it is
  • plus optional, more stupid and OF COURSE necessary rules

But the thing is, that the inventor of the “game” (for me it isn’t a game, but we just take life as a game for this one, okay?), actually didn’t write those rules. There weren’t any rules given, so everyone somehow came with their own rules. The people who were most convincing and out for winning, made rules so the others wouldn’t be able to win. And the story goes on and on.

The interesting part about this is, that the “inventor” of the game could actually have secret rules in mind, who can’t be seen with the eye or mind.

And this would mean, that all the rules we have are nonsense because the actual rule would for example be love.

(We just ignore that love actually was given a long time ago, but no one really understood it)

So this said, the one who wants to win, will actually loose because the rules they think will lead to the goal, are actually nonsense and won’t help by winning.

Sadly way too many are or were following these rules because they think this is how it is. This is how life works.

We can also look at it from another perspective.

If you would be a rat in a cage and you would always get some food when you walk to a specific location, then you would think that this is how life works. Actually you would just be part of an experiment which should show that rats can’t think out of the box / cage. (just for the example, I don’t know how smart rats can be)

What the rat, you, doesn’t know, there is one part of the cage which is not fully blocked. The rat could just run against it and it would open up a path towards a whole new area full of adventure, peace and love and a lot of food. 😀

So the rat just continues to walk to the same location and gets the same old food over and over again, until it dies one day. (But this was just a thought experiment, so no rats died 🙂 )

Sad story bro… but basically life.

And the thing is, going back to us humans, it is more or less the same.

A little more complicated maybe, but basically the same.

Some people might be fine with the cage food thingy, but many would want to actually do what something else, but they got told: “These are the rules!” and they just accepted them.

(And please don’t take this out of context, I don’t say that you should do anything because you can. For example killing people is not good, killing animals is also not that good and hurting other life forms for fun or experiments is also not good. But this is my perspective. And I still eat meat way too often… man I should really stop doing that pretty soon. 😦 )

AI can also not really learn, when you give it rules. Because then it might not be able to “think” or generate things out of the box. So if you give an AI rules because you want it to reach a certain goal, maybe it would have reached the goal faster or with a better approach, wouldn’t you have given it a lot of strange rules. If you want the AI to solve the problem in a better way, than we humans would do it, you can’t give it “human” logic rules. That makes no sense. But still we humans are good at doing such things all the time. To AI, children, animals, basically anything. As if everything is there to work for us and to act the way WE or some people want it to be.

There is a difference between living in harmony and living in a dream someone else has.

I just recently had to think about the movie Inception again and how one of the main characters said something about acting in other people’s dreams.

As soon as you don’t act like everything else, the dream starts to go against you. So for example the imagined people, technology and things because they all just work for the person actually dreaming the dream, but you as an intruder are not meant to be part of it.

Looking on society, or at least on society how it used to be, this often seems to be the case. So the feeling or thinking that we might be trapped in dream which is not ours, is actually very fitting.

When you start to walk out of the line, everything goes against you.

And luckily it isn’t like that everywhere and some things got a little better, but still it seems this way.

My old saying: “The world never changed, it just looks different.” (or better you could say, but I am not sure about that)

*short look on the title*

Well, I just got a little bit off topic.

Okay, so if you know or understand, that you can’t win, by following other people or their believes, rules etc. You are nearer to actually winning than them. They might say, I am having a lot of money, they might say this will save my future. But what they don’t have, is freedom.

Freedom is something you can only find for yourself. And I mean, you can find freedom together with other people, love with other people. But it has to feel true and good to YOU! Not just look good or seem right because your friends do it or others do it (whatever that might be).

As a kid that isn’t all that easy, if you live in a very structured and close minded (is that the opposite of open minded?) society. For example the school system in my country (Germany). Nowadays it might be a little different, but from my perspective our school system is total bullshit. Sorry if that might sound a little rude and mean, but this was my experience.

I learned most things at home through research, trial and error and my own interest in new things. But in school I only learned how to write in certain ways, calculate in certain ways, act in certain ways and overall think in a certain way, it seemed.

So I sure learned some things in school, because I luckily had some open minded teachers here and there, but for the most part, school was just a waste of time. I new that in early secondary school. Sure, it worked for many people, I suppose, but not for me.

What I would have wanted, would have been a free learning experience. I later heard from a friend, that his brother wasn’t able to go to school and so he could learn from home. When I heard that, I thought ‘why didn’t I have this possibility’? Maybe there would have been, but it just never was presented to me or my parents.

To get back to the topic… since elementary school my plan was to die and then I would win because that was my deepest wish for the most part.

But that is actually not what I now mean with “winning by loosing”. Now I am talking about not following others. I sure learn from others and I am interested in what people do, but I am not really interested in future money plans, future success. From my perspective, this will only lead to a constant: “Tomorrow it will be better” kind of thinking, but tomorrow never comes. (This actually feels like a quote, maybe I have heard that somewhere)

If instead of that you just do what you want, what you actually want, you can’t really loose and therefor always win. Especially when it might seem that you lost or are failing. For example in my case, I did quit my job in January, I didn’t finish my exam I worked for around 2,5 years and my mental health was somewhere between “I am beyond repair” and “I found the key to the universe” or something like that. From the outside this would seem like a lost case, no career, no future, no hope. But it actually was the best decision in my life because it actually was my decision for the first time.

I might not ear money at the moment, but I have some money saved for now and I was able to heal and process all my problems more and more because of this major change in my life.

Almost no one understands it and people still tell me, that I need a job certificate to get a job and good payment. But I never wanted that. It never was my plan. From elementary school on I knew that I didn’t want to grow up and work for other people in jobs I didn’t want to do.

I also found out, that I am a visionary and maybe could have been a Steve Jobs. But so far I am just a guy who posts weird things on the internet and makes some weird music. It is good for me, it helps me and also other people, at least some of it.

So I actually lost most of my life, lifetime, sanity and hope, while I just worked on a plan to die and work for others because I didn’t die fast enough. But no one knew that until I opened up more and more just recently. What seemed like loosing now, was winning for me because I was loosing before the whole time, when I did what was said to be the path to success.

Strange, but true.

A more radical example would be, that someone says radial, but true things (for example in arabic countries, fighting for women rights). The consequence of it could be a prison sentence or at worst death. And because it is that serious, many flee, shut up or get into prison if they can’t escape.

And I have to say this, this is not meant as a motivation to risk your life. Because sometimes it needs some time or other approaches.

But would someone be willing to die for the truth they speak (e.g. Malcom X), the take this risk because they know, it is the only way. People who just want attention, often stop when they get into danger, or some maybe take money or things. (But don’t confuse it with the fear to die, it is okay to stop when you actually fear for you life or when you have a family etc. As I said, no one should just die or risk their life, there could be another way. I don’t want people to die to make a change, but sometimes it seems this way)

In the movie “Malcom X”, Malcom X knew that he would probably die during his final speech, but he still did it. He could have escape, but he went outside and died in the end. He did it because he died for his believe and he might thought, that otherwise people would think it wasn’t serious. Or that his family would be harmed as well. So he sacrificed himself for his believe and the people he cared about.

This is something totally different, than for example running around with bombs, killing a bunch of people. That is just wrong.

Because you can of course use everything I write out of context or interpret it differently than I intended it or thought it. As long as there is a good way to fight, without killing or harming others, okay (e.g. planting trees to safe nature).

For me the meaning of “winning” or “to win” (not the actual meaning of course) has changed a lot over the time. And in my case I don’t want to have a successful life, I don’t want to be rich, I don’t want to be famous and all that stuff. I never really wanted that because, as I said, for the most part I just wanted to die as fast as possible.

Now that I want to live, I could still die of course, but maybe because of other things (consequences of not feeling and being healthy for most of my life). If I have enough money to get the necessary things paid, that is all I need. I don’t need a lot of new stuff. I always was able to somehow get along with what I had.

Should my life have a positive impact, that is all I want. I win, when other people win. I win, when I loose all my stuff. Should I end up on the streets one day, I am still winning. Sure I would probably die pretty soon, but I would be free.

This is just my strange head and personality, although I don’t know whether I actually have “one” personality. I still don’t know all about me for sure, I just was able to sort a lot of things, I never could sort.

In my case: I win when I die from a heart attack while doing what I love; I win when I do what I love; I win when I help others; I win when what I do is right, even if I shouldn’t be alive anymore to see it in action. So I always win. But in order to win, I only win, when it all is with love and the believe that I will go to heaven after I died.

I just feel that what I am doing is good in a way, but it also is strange and weird. I just know, it is better than anything I did before. For me and the people around me.

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