Lines, words, letters. [17]

Nothing meaningful, unless for you it is.


It was a totally different package and now it read „VR experience – all in one headset“ from some company in China. Did she order a VR headset? ‚Well, I must have ordered one. I actually were looking into them for a while now. But why now and what was this insect shit hell? Am I going nuts or what?!‘

She took the box and walked into the kitchen to get a knife or some scissors, to open up, this VR thing.

With a short steak knife, she opened up the box. She somehow likes these knifes. They never really used them for anything, probably not even for steaks, when they had some, these rare moments. But she just liked to use them to cut her bread. Maybe it was because they weren‘t really used. She used to like things which weren‘t usual, things no one does, no one seemed to notice.

Inside of the box was a VR headset, what else would you expect. Luckily it wasn‘t damaged, at least it seemed still fully functional from the outside. There was also a bunch of cushion inside the box, it must have absorbed the hit against the wall.

There also was a flyer inside the box as well as an invoice.

Most of it was in chinese. So she just took the VR headset and placed it next to her computer. It was a wireless headset, but how would it connect with the computer? Is there a USB for a WiFi connection in the box, she looked inside again and yes, beneath the space where the headset had been, was a small hole inside of the polystyrene.

It was just a small black box, with some red diagonal lines on it and of course the big plug for the actual USB slot.

She plugged it in and on her screen popped up an info box.

„Do you want to install drivers for VR experience – 414TA?“ together with some chinese symbols.

死路 – 只是个梦

Probably the company name or the name in chinese.

Well it doesn‘t matter. She confirmed and the short installation process, a new window opened up. Some kind of test environment. Looked like a basic function test, just a green field with flowers and a bird together with some trees.

She put on the VR headset and pressed on the Start button.

A loading screen appeared, showing a snapshot of the scenery she saw on her screen before.

In the bottom left were again some chinese symbols, next to a basic loading circle spinning round and round.



She didn‘t think much of it, probably just „loading data“ or something. These symbols did interest her, as well as other languages, but she never really took time to investigate them or even learn them. Only used translators sometimes.

After some seconds the loading screen disappeared and the simple, but still beautiful landscape opened up. Alair moved her head from left to right, like a little child. „What a time to live in.“, she said to herself, speaking out her thought.

A tutorial appeared which actually asked her to move the head around, so she did it again and then she tried to walk around a little. ‚Should have bought a pair of controllers as well‘, while she tried to find the right keys on her keyboard.

She followed the short tutorial and actually just enjoyed the scenery. The tutorial wasn‘t really needed for her, but she enjoyed it anyways. When the tutorial was over, she just laid back in her chair and was breathing in the imaginary fresh air. It actually felt pretty real though.

After some time of relaxing, she decided to try out some of her games, at least one of them must have support for VR and if not, she would find something for sure.

When she got out of the headset, to her surprise, a bright light was shining directly into her face, it felt brighter than the sun and her vision started to get blurry. The sound got weird and then the light was gone, then it was there again.

Now she could see something else behind the bright light, a face, a face with a surgical mask and some glasses.

A flashlight was shining into her eyes.

„Hello Miss Wolters, welcome back.“

Pages 51 – 54 of Lines, words, letters.


I am not all loving because I still don’t care enough for myself and the people next to me. But maybe this is not the problem, but that I was all loving and got told otherwise. Maybe I shouldn’t be so alone with my own thoughts and feelings. But then I fear, to hurt someone. And then I do it anyways. We are no perfect beings, but we want to be. Some perfect for fame, some just for good. I just want to live, want to know that things will be alright.

I think Jesus once said something about that things will happen to you according to your believe. But the meaning might be a little different, from what I wrote. (Also the part with “You can’t hide on other stars” was also not right. It was in the Psalms and also meant in a positive way, that “even if I would make a home in the stars, you [God] are there with me.” or something like that). This brings me back to the concept of believe and reality. If you believe it is possible to walk on water, you can walk on water. But because my belief is not strong enough (yet), I would probably drown or just fall into it. This means, that indeed our reality is shaped by us. If the majority wants to destruct, destruction is what happens, if the majority wants to live, build up, grow and heal, this is what will be. Is it that we want to destruct or some who want us to believe that this is how it goes?

Reality is what me make it. Life is what we make it. We are, what we make out of us. But don’t forget, there is evil and good. You can always decide and listen to your heart while doing so. Mistakes will be forgiven, but you have to realize them. And would we be without mistakes, without flaws, we wouldn’t be human. So who said, that we have to be perfect in the way of flawless? Love is the piece which makes the problems go away. And then what even is an actual problem? For example willingly harming and or killing other people for fun, for strange rituals, believes, prophecies and such things. Because this is the line. And punishment is also no excuse for harming someone. You can only make them realize what they did, if they did something at all. We don’t know everything and often just assume, then take for granted and then decide upon in. But in the end, it might all just be based on thought, a wish, a fear, a guess and such.

If you can believe that everything is possible, then don’t forget the good possibilities. I speak for myself because I easily and often fall into the negative ones and scare myself with them or get scared by things not many even think about, I suppose. But if indeed everything is possible, then you can believe in good and that one day good will finally stay forever. Because what I felt in my nightly forest walks was true love and connection. I didn’t feel fear, pain or was scared (maybe a little to be honest). But compared to the immense love and peace in mind it seemed like nothing. So if this is how good feels, how love is (what I believe) and how heaven must feel like (or whatever good is there to come), then I want it to be available for everyone. Leaving it up to each one of you to be open for it or not. But I am not here for convincing, I am here for finding the patterns of love, of existence and the possibilities. I simply should never forget that I don’t know everything and that I shall believe in eternal good.

The thing about earthly / human happiness is, that it only last for some time. But the love and with it happiness felt like lasting forever. Not for me as a human of course, otherwise I wouldn’t have all these bad times after all, but for my soul.

My soul knows that there is eternal love. And I mean, if matter doesn’t matter in the end, then love can give you all what you want for good.

About Alan Watts. He was a great guy and I really like some of his theories and ideas and believes, I could say. But one aspect is not feeling right, that there would be the need or interest to feel pain and misery and such. For example in his “Everything might be a dream” theory. As a human, this could be a thought and way of acting, we tend to harm ourselves, tend to harm others, willingly or by accident. But why on earth would you want to feel pain, if there already is enough pain in the world? Wouldn’t it be logical to just feel love, true love, so to say? Because sure as a human it might be thrilling to feel a kick or something, but as a soul (if you believe in souls or such, like I do in a way) this makes no sense.

Love sure is somewhat the mother of feeling, so tears can be love, a smile can be love, altogether is love. But true love is not a feeling of sadness, depression and other feelings which make us feel bad, worthless or lost. True love actually is a relief and overcomes those feelings because it unites all feeling into something good. Tears aren’t bad, feeling sad is not bad, but being stuck in it, is horrible (trust me, I know what I am talking about). And not being able to cry is terrifying, it breaks you because in order to function you become colder and colder, to a point where you are not much different from a serial killer or a monster. But this doesn’t mean it is final, there is always a good way out, to feel again, to love again, be loved and be good again. Good doesn’t mean someone is flawless, it just describes the heart and what someone does because of it to help, to support, to live and love others. Bad is more describing the fun to do things which destruct and harm others (or yourself). But all is just a state you or others are in right now. Maybe forever, if they want to or no one is there to help them.

Sorry for my words, I think I am again writing too much and I am not even sure whether this is good or bad what I am doing. I actually just want to live and don’t be a burden for others or harm others. But the broken part of me wants to be well known, wants power and to say what is right or wrong. And then I know that I will never fully know what is right or wrong because it depends on perspectives and I have too many. So it might all be right or all wrong or something in the middle. Leaving me with love and the understanding of everyone (to some degree I should add), but I am still where I started in the end. – I know nothing (for sure).

Sure thing senator, sure thing… Just close it and everything will be alright. If it would just be this easy.

What am I doing here?! I can only pray and hope I am doing the right thing. I am following my heart on this one. But who knows, right? And to be honest… I still have a problem with porn. Something I never needed, but got into as a kid before it even made sense to me. I can only hope that one day I will be free of it, but there is no need to hide it. Otherwise I would be like most people, just hiding their secrets and shameful things to present a “perfect” image. When I see people who wear too much make up or had too many surgeries because they thought it would make them look better, I just see the fakes in it. Or maybe the lack of love. So in order to look good, you have to feel good. But maybe this is not the whole story. For people who just see the surface, all what looks perfect outside is perfect for them and when it isn’t looking this way anymore, it is garbage for them. Well for me it is more of the opposite in a way. I mean sure people in movies have makeup for the lights, camera effect and such things, but often also because people want to see perfect faces and bodies. Not all, but enough. And if at least in the “real” world (the reality we share) we could be less wearing makeup and such things, then we might actually see what perfection really is. Not being flawless, but loving each other nonetheless. With real love, most problems go away. (Talks about true / real love and so many things, while he just is a 21 year old guy who just recently rediscovered his abilities. And now he acts as if he can change the world or is important. Well, at least some people think is it not totally crazy. *waves towards all the fellow readers* I love you all. 🙂 💜 )

What is dream, what isn’t. Dreamers…

Are you here for the “comment” or the actual book or both? I am curious. 🙂 Maybe just for me or all of it. Maybe just for the thumbnail of the first video.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.