Lines, words, letters. [3]

Nothing meaningful, unless for you it is.

(Audio book version)

What in earth did happen here? Did you see this one coming?

All I meant before, that she would just eat her kebab and have a nice evening…
I didn‘t thought it would get this strange, did you?

Maybe you know more than me, but I can just assume.

The man took her left arm and got an injection out of his pocket.

Before she could do anything about it, the needle was in her arm and a strange feeling went through it right to the heart. It did hurt, not only the needle, but whatever was in the injection, had a bad effect as well. Then everything just went black. She just heard: „Da hat wohl jemand etwas zu viel abbekommen…“ (ENG: “Somebody got a little too much …”)

The first day in school, a strange event, but she still was excited about it.

Finally she would learn more about the world she were living in. Couldn‘t wait to explore everything. How cool it was, to just learn whatever she wanted to know. Not everyone has it this easy to go to school and learn things.

Oh, how wrong she was back then. How wrong everything was back then. And still it was the best time for her, in some way. She didn‘t know how cruel this world actually was. Everything was still possible. It wasn‘t just her with her family, friends and the village.

Do you think this is a good story so far? I don‘t think it is very interesting. Maybe I should add some more realism to it. What about, childhood trauma?

Her father sometimes poked her in rage when she did something he didn‘t wanted.

You might think, what is so horrible about „poking“? Well it was in a way he did it, when she was just a couple of years old, when he just did it in a nice way. Just playing with her and she giggled.

But when he was in rage he then did the same, only with force and an evil face.

Swinging his finger in the air like a propeller, just to hit her with it, when she didn‘t expected a hit.

She wasn‘t always doing what he said and did what he didn‘t want, so this is what she had to pay for it. Or just good old spanking on the bare ass until it made her cry.

What a lovely childhood, if this would be all.

(Maybe I did add enough trauma already, what do you think?)
(We can add more later, so let‘s just move forward, okay?)


She had her friends from the so called „Kindergarten“ and met some new people from the town, the school was at. A mixed class and a whole new experience. But it wasn‘t exactly how she imagined it, not how she thought it would be. At least she had some nice people in her class, she already knew and even the opportunity to find new friends. Or so she thought.

The first day at school, a whole new life awaited her.

And she didn‘t know how different it would be and how difficult.

Good bye „Kindergarten“.

Pages 8 – 10 of Lines, words, letters.


For those who don’t know what “Kindergarten” means, it is not the same as “kindergarten” in the USA for example. In Germany this is usually for kids between 3-6 years and a place where they play, make games, explore nature, listen to stories and make a little art and things. At least for my own experience and Kindergarten it was like this. But it is not like a school thing or at least was not for me back then. So just a more or less fun place to be, with other children and some adults (at mine 2-3) who were looking after the kids. While inside of me I already had a little weird things happening, I suppose, I was still happy and didn’t really think about it or was worried. I was more in the moment and just enjoyed good times. But back then I already had some kind of heart attacks. Back than I still got into them, feeling the pain, going down on the ground in pain, probably making painful noises (I don’t remember exactly). But during the years I got used to it, until later I hoped to die because of them one day. Still somehow I wanted help, but when I reached out for a doctor, the doctor didn’t really listen and just said, it must be the growing process.

(Me being almost 22 now still having those, clearly knowing it wasn’t that. Me back than, knowing it wasn’t that, also me back then “Well, maybe he is right and I am just stupid. And I want to die anyways, so yeah.” Me now, I actually want to live, but going to a doctor is still not an option because of all what was.)

Also me, trying to run yesterday and almost dying from a heart attack because my heart isn’t used to fast movement anymore. So my hands got all white, finger nails purple, I felt like vomiting, I almost knocked out (But I never knocked out I think only felt like almost) and I almost couldn’t breath, was coughing because I suppose my lungs weren’t working properly. In the end I got on top of a big tree stump and sat there in a meditating position (of some sort) for a while, until everything calmed down. And then I slowly walked home. Oh and I am still sharing my thoughts, while I actually wrote I would stop that, well, maybe it has to be. I don’t know. But it is a comment to the book now, soooo 😀 I guess it is okay. (Man this is awkward and strange, but thanks for reading / listening anyways.)

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