Lines, words, letters. [1]

Nothing meaningful, unless for you it is.


(Audio book version)

Prologue

A world is just real, when you believe it is real.

Maybe it is always real, maybe it is just real because you think it is the way it is.

Imagine, that even when you think… okay then I could just think all the problems away, they won‘t go away, because you think it is impossible inside. So if you just believe they will go away, they might go away? Wouldn‘t this be amazing? And I believe it is possible.

There is something special about believe, real believe so to say, it just seems to work.

But how should this be possible? Some might say „Only my God is real!“ or „My religion is the only one!“, they can say this, maybe they are right for themselves in some way, but not necessarily for you. Personally for me, religions and tradition are always dead, if they are just there to be done and if you don‘t have another option, it seems. Just to be clear, I am not one of the „there is only this way“ people, I was one of them when I was younger so to say. So I wasn‘t always this „everything is okay“ guy. And we also have to make some things clear, I believe in God, but before you think „okay, he is just another of these new age people“ or „this must be another of these religious gurus“ or whatever people or you maybe think – it is different from what you think.

I fear many things, but the biggest one is, that other people have to suffer because of me and that my decisions or „not done“ decisions cause pain on people I like or who have nothing to do with my own problems. This is why I didn‘t write, didn‘t do what I actually want because I thought it would only make things worse. I didn‘t trust in myself for most of my life. To be honest, I still don‘t trust myself, but I am trying to. I am starting to, I should say.

There is nothing which could change this, but then there is always something. I just don‘t believe enough in what I know is right. You could say, „well then it might be wrong, if it isn‘t working.“, but how should you know?

I am not able to say, anything is working for you. But I have to do this, so maybe it will help you to understand, what you actually have to do. Not what I am doing, what I did, but what your own path wants from you, waits for, until you see it.

I would say, I give you the money back, if it isn‘t working, but then I wouldn‘t want any money in the first place. I just hope you can find any use for it. Maybe as weight, as a shelf filler? As soon as it wasn‘t a total waste, I am happy. If you are happy, I am happy, at least if we both agree about what we are happy about. Even burning the book, would be an option, it is yours now after all. Except you just borrowed it from someone or a library, then of course just give it back.

Now, where have I been? Ah, right.

Welcome friend!

This is my world, maybe your world and for sure „One way to see the world.“

Who are you? – The Almanac

Pages 1 – 3 of Lines, words, letters.


Comment:

I started to write this in February and many things changed till now and I don’t just mean the world outside, but especially inside of me. So the prologue of the book might be outdated already, while I didn’t even finish it yet or really worked it through. This is also just what I wrote besides my blogging and also was in some way like therapy for me. But this was meant to be a book and not just me sharing my actual story. So don’t read it as the truth. But there sure is my truth within all this.

I hope you like it so far, but the actual book starts after these first three pages (three pages because it was meant to be a small and short book. So while it might all has place on one page, it wasn’t about the amount of pages, just what I was writing. And the growing number of pages just supported it. So I will always add the page numbers like I did for this one, but they are just there to show how it was intended to be. And maybe will be when I should actually sell it or make it a real book one day.

For now it is just like the title says: Lines, words, letters. Nothing meaningful, unless for you it is. 🙂

And it is more a manuscript or concept and not worked over (only what I see before I post it), so don’t expect a bestseller or even an average book. I really don’t know what it is. Let it be, okay? ♥ Maybe it is just little me trying to write a story because it could seem this way, I suppose. Like a child writing, I am a child after all and now I feel good about it because for me a child sees what so called adults can’t see anymore or fear to talk about.

But just to be clear, I am 21 years old and a man. But I don’t always feel this way, not like 21, not like being a man. So yeah. That is why I wrote “I am a child after all.”

And while I was reading just this prologue I wrote, I almost had to weep, but I couldn’t again for reasons. But still it felt good that I felt something. And not in a sad way, but in a way that I loved what I wrote and kinda wanted to weep and laugh at the same time. For me this is what love feels like. 🙂

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