Day 78 (late evening)

You have to feel good to be good. Because if you feel good, really good, you are good. Most people don’t know what “really good” means. Some people try drugs, try extreme sports and such to get a “kick”, to feel intoxicated for some time, only to fall down again. I did that as well, after I lost my naturally good feeling, natural love. But God never stop and I never really let go of it because it was good. And so I sometimes helped people without knowing, sometimes I did what no one could, without me noticing.

But God knew and knows and did what was meant to happen. So if I push my limits for good, which actually means the opposite of up. I am doing what God wants. It is hard to lower the limits for good because usually we tend to force ourselves to achieve more and do more than we can do. So it is easy to set high limits no one can achieve, but it is hard to lower the limits so everyone can achieve them and still having a limit, so it actually feels good.

This is why just logically everyone has to set their limits themselves and have to chose for good or bad. So if you want to do bad things, you can do it like Hitler, like Stalin, like Nero, like all the others, in the past, recent times and now. They had no limit for destruction, nothing could stop them it seemed, and yet they all died, they all stopped at one point. But Jesus never stopped because why should he stop, if it was good and is good what he wanted? So like evil people and forces won’t stop because their evil thoughts and actions have no limits, you should not limit your good thoughts to other people or bad thoughts they tell you or even you yourself because of them.

If you can believe that you will be able to shape a planet at one point for good, why should it be impossible? So maybe not now, maybe not in this state of life, but if you believe it like a child, naturally, then you will do it one day. Or whatever it is in your case. If you have good thoughts, don’t think you can’t reach them, don’t think you will never be that good or be able to do it. You can, you will and if you have these good thoughts, it is your destiny. One way or another, but you have to believe in yourself. Those who do evil, will do what they want anyways. So just do all the good things you want and can. Especially if you think it is nothing, it won’t change a thing. Just do it, if it feels right and you just almost feel like you have to do it, do it. Because others will always say: “You can’t” because they don’t see what you see, they don’t feel what you feel. They don’t know, they don’t see.

But also use your mind, dream your dreams, live your dreams and don’t just follow others, follow yourself in love because you will be the only human who will fully understand you in the end, while the love, God, knows it all as well. Don’t limit yourself. Usually only the good people limit themselves because they think they aren’t good enough, while the others just ignore limits anyways and do what they want. Be better than them because you want to be good, so just be naturally yourself. Be good, be the love, act through love, connect to others. It is easy to move forward, it is easy to ignore. But it is hard to stand and to face. Those you fight the quiet wars, those who fight alone, those are the heroes from tomorrow. We need you, God needs you and God loves you all because you see true love, when it hits you. But you often think, you don’t deserve it.

We usually stand alone, we usually fight alone because we are lone worriers. We are preparing for a fight about love and hate. Being good and evil. Not about land, not about money, not about power. No, a fight about souls, lives. If you feel like dying, you think you aren’t the one for the job, you are the one for the job. Because God wants those you think they aren’t ready. Those who know they are nothing, are the ones who are everything. And God doesn’t want them to die, to stay and stop there. No, God wants them to face it and then grow through it. For some it might be harder, for some maybe not that hard. But for me it went as far as facing death several times. One time I just felt bad, one time I wanted to go, one time I thought I had to go. One time I wanted to shoot myself, some years ago, but the door to the place where the gun was wouldn’t open. Because God knew nothing would stop me, I wouldn’t stop. God blocked the door. The door wasn’t locked, but the wood was as if merged with the wall. I couldn’t open it. This time God decided for me. The other time my mother decided for me and the last time I decided for me. Because God knew I wouldn’t die, I just couldn’t stand this world any longer.

Face your demons, face your fears, face yourself and if it goes as far as death, maybe once, maybe twice or ten times. But if you want to be good, God will prepare you for it. You don’t have to do anything because God does it all for you. You just have to accept God and therefor love, God’s love, your love, the love for yourself and for others. What Jesus did because of love. True love is something you can’t see, like a virus. But it can spread like a virus, only for good. To free, to help, to cheer up. Love is what we need, what we have and what we get. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But soon it will reach you because it already is inside you. If you know, you might see it in this very moment. You are supposed to feel good and then do good. Even Will Smith said something like that. And Arnold Schwarzenegger had a speech about how he went alone to the USA having nothing and now look at him. Will power through love can make things we don’t imagine or if so, think it can’t be true because we think it might be too good to be true. As if something could be too good. Usually things are too bad, too horrible in the world. Why should something be too good. The trick is, that it will first seems as if it is too good, because evil will break you. But if you know that you can shape the earth through love together with others like you and God and that we are Gods through God because love is all we need and believe in it. Then why should something be too good to be true? Tell me. Only because everyone does what others say, nothing works. If we all would do, what children do, the world would be heaven. But then we show them hell and the become like us. Shouldn’t we not do the opposite? The children were special for Jesus because the empire of heaven is meant for them. But children meaning being open for surprise and good dreams and also question things and not just take them for granted. Children ask: “Why is this like this?” And such things and then we tell them what we think or got told, but sometimes they would have described it in a different way and in my believe would have been closer to the actual thing than us. We think too much, we think we know, but the children know they don’t know, while they actually know more than us.

So the life actually is: You know everything or at least a lot, then you get older and learn how it is supposed to be and what others say and more and more you forget and then you are searching for purpose, for help, for answers, but in the end you might never find if you don’t go back.

So those who say: “You are not your past.” are wrong. Because without your past, you are nothing. And then actually, if you would lose all your memories, you would be nothing and therefor everything. But others won’t understand. And so you are more than your past. Because you can find answers in your past, you will never find in the future. Or maybe it is just my way to find them this way. Either way. Find your own path because it usually is right in front of you or I should better say, inside you. The heart, the soul and all good it wants. And good is not always what you think it is. Because I don’t see a problem if two people truly love each other and then go farther. Because everyone has their path and it always involves true love, but true love means connection and not just physical interaction. I can be, it is as well. But only if it is because of true love and connection. So who are you to judge about an unmarried couple, if they live together in love and live together until the end? Aren’t they married through love and therefor God has nothing against it? I know that many have different perspectives and believes, but you don’t have to listen to me. You can ignore me. But if you should start to fight me, ask yourself, for what I am fighting? Am I fighting against a man who thinks he has answers, but has none? Am I fighting because others say he is wrong? Am I fighting because I don’t believe him? Why would you fight against me? And then if you feel all the rage against me, if you should. Ask yourself, wasn’t this how the people were fighting against Jesus, leading to his death? But then he came back to life and he did all of this, even for those who were against me. For everyone. So just let me write what I have to write. Because if you fight me, you might fight the wrong one. I am talking to you. And I am speaking for you, if you want me to. But I am not Jesus, I am one of you. But maybe I just don’t know yet, who I actually am.