Day 74 (late afternoon)

The man I was writing about a couple of posts ago, his name is Johannes Reimer. But he also is know as John and maybe Ivan or something, depending on the country he speaks in. The thing is, that my mother and he knew each other when both were young. They were in the same area. And back then he was a different man, but life, God has changed his perspectives.

Yesterday I also just thought about black or dark clothing. While I was helping my mother with cleaning tables in a hall and some other things, we were talking about this and that. And she also told me a story. At a dark period in her life she only was able to wear dark clothes, she just couldn’t wear bright things, it didn’t feel good. Once she was driving in the drain all in black, there was a young woman sitting next to her or in front of her. She also was in wearing dark or black clothes, but she had something glittery at the top. This woman was so happy and open towards her, as if they always knew each other. They talked and even searched for their trains at the next station. My mother probably never saw her again, but it sure was a special moment for her.

Then I thought about how I also wanted to wear dark clothes, not especially black, but dark in general, so dark gray or blue and so on. But sometimes I also just was wearing black. It just felt right this way, not because I wanted to just wear black or something.

So as I thought, I thought when you look at black cloths, they attract warmth, so wearing black in summer can make you all sweaty and hot. But it also felt good in some way. The point is, I thought that as black cloth attract warmth, or absorb it, maybe black cloths also express the attraction for true love. Because true love is not “Oh I love you so much!”. This is what people may say, while inside they could think “you f***ing bitch”.

So if someone wears black it could express the need for love or the ability to love. While not everyone who wears black is this way, the color red is also not just reserved for love because blood is red as well. It is not a definition to say dark clothes always say someone needs or wants love. But it most of the time shows the lack of love in some way. Be it in the world, be it in the ones heart who wears it or be it the people who think there can’t be good beneath it, while actually the love is beneath it, while there is no love in them or just too few.

Dark clothes from different perspectives. For example a dark uniform can also give some people strength to do things they wouldn’t do in a white uniform for example. But this doesn’t mean that a white uniform stands for good. Because white can also turn into red during battle. And black can become gray or even white in the sun.

But as darkness is not evil, as black is not bad, so is white also just there. What we make out of it, turns the things into good or evil. There is good and evil, but most of the time it is the opposite of what we think or not where we search for it. While the brightest star becomes the devil, a dark corner in the night sky, becomes brighter than the brightest has been.

If you say it is dark and just dark, you act as if you would know there can’t be light. And if you say, it is bright, it is just bright. Maybe the lights go out and then you are left with darkness. While when there is just darkness all around you, there can be light, if you are open for it. If you just want darkness, you will run away, if you just want light, you will run screaming in circles without it. Yin and Yang (not Ying and Yang, sorry) are all about it. Would there only be a white side and a black side it would be hard to understand. But in the white on is a black dot and in the black one a white dot.

Without these, the whole concept would just be as good as day and night, without stars, without the sun. Always the same.

The day is bright, but we have shadows, we have problems through out the day, while in general the day is bright. But the night is dark, still not always, often there is the moon and also the stars, or city lights. Would there be no light, man, it would be dark. And wouldn’t there be shadows during day time, we would burn to ashes sometimes.

If a crew of rockers or bikers drive children to school and fight against bullying. Is it bad? If religious people point with fingers on them or say bad things about them, is it good? Why can’t both find the middle? And Yin and Yang has no strict line like board or pole. No it is round and always has a different distance because some people have a better understanding, some can see more of the other side, some less. Some are far away from the middle. Maybe to never see it or just in a moment get from far away to right in front of it, or even cross it.

And at first I thought Yin and Yang was “just” about balance in the given time, in the now I should say. But when I thought about balance through time because time is not linear, it just feels this way, then the balance is possible. So while it might seem at first that it is about always having evil because in a balance there always have to be both sides, adding time to the equation, it is possible to have a time without evil because so far we had it all the time. Now we are around the middle area where the forces are hitting each other, where some walk to the other side. The time when good will be bad and bad will be good. But it is in several ways and layers.

If you believe in the age of peace, I sure believe in it. Because for me it luckily is inevitable one day. When this will be only knows God, as Jesus said. But if you realize these things, then there really is nothing which is impossible. So as I said, at first I thought Yin and Yang was about evil and good always in balance at the same time, time is not a thing for Yin and Yang. God stands over time and everything. Time is just a part of it all because we need “time” to see things one step at a time. Without time, all would be done which is and was always. But “endless” is different from endless pain and endless joy. It just always is. Depending on how you look at God you might think, why did God do all of these things while it was clear how things would turn out. This question can be answered in many ways, but the right answer involves love.

For me it is like this now. God is the pure and good core of it all, while everything else is either neutral to it or against it, like protons, neutrons and electrons (while there are sure more particles).

So when it started with God being the core in good, the rest was neutral or bad. So when he created the angels, they first were all just there for him, but then the evil force took away many of them. The energy still lays within God because protons have the energy, while electrons get attracted by it or maybe the other way as well. While they might have a similar value in some way, the proton is heavier than the electron (at least if what I learned and remember is correct). Therefor the electron might have the same electrical power, but when it comes to impact, it is only a fraction of its opponent.

Neutrons have the almost the same weight as protons (a little more) and interestingly can turn into both. I am not sure whether they can only turn into negative or positive, or split into two particles, one proton and electron each. But that can be researched. If you take angels, humans. They can be at least these three things. For angels it depends on how you see angels, so maybe they can only be good or bad. But humans have a choice, humans are neutrons in some way.

So while angels were either good or bad, at one point God created us, no matter how you see it. Whether how it is written in the bible or in a different way. There are even two different creation stories in the bible, when you read them both. They were written in different times and therefor with different knowledge and perspectives. Some of it is even inspired by other stories. There is truth within both of them, but the words don’t have to always represent the actual thing because the actual thing was probably far too complex for the people to understand back then. It wasn’t time yet, you could say.

The humans had choice, the ability to think for themselves. While angel thoughts are way more complex than human thoughts, this was the key. The angel knows it is this way and only decided for one side, if even. But we are learning about it, we feel it, we don’t just know. We are children learning. Some think they aren’t children while being the most childish. Others might act like children from the outside, act childish from the outside, while inside they see way more and understand way more, but everyone thinks they are stupid, they know nothing. They just see what they want to see.

For a child everything is new, it learns that fire is hot and burns, it learns that there are colors, some have names. They learn about animals and so on. They are open to learn, they collect this information and build a mindset on their own, at least if you let them.

So while for most people it is normal to eat meat, for some it is like killing people and eat them. Because they have no difference between one life or another. A cow has the same right to live as a human, as a dog, as a butterfly. So if you kill the cow, you killed a human, a dog, a butterfly. And then you tell them, eat the flesh, eat the tung. Imagine it through their eyes, life is a horror movie for them, while for you it might be normal. I also eat cows and pigs and fish… I am not that happy about it and would I have to kill them with my own hands, I wouldn’t do it and therefor not eat them. Is it wrong to eat animals? I think I can’t answer this question just like that. Because it has the same weight as, is it wrong to kill people? Is it wrong to live or die?

No, it isn’t, but it is. If you have the choice to kill or not to kill, you shouldn’t kill. But sometimes it isn’t this easy. If you eat a chicken and this is what you do, just chicken and salad for example. Are you a monster because of this? It depends on why and how you do it. Are you eating it because you just wanted this chicken to be dead and you laugh about you now eat it. Or is it that you are thankful for it that you can live another day because of it. You don’t have to eat animals, but you also don’t have to become vegan for the sake of it. But maybe someone who eats animals for the sake of it, should lower their consume. Life should be valued and not put into cages.

Be thankful for what you have. But for example while you might be thankful for the chicken, your child might see a dead human on the table. Listen and care. Don’t say to them they have to be thankful for a dead man on their table, while you just see a chicken.

You have to understand each other. We all need to eat. But we can decide what we eat. But don’t force others to eat what you want, but also be open for what others eat, try to understand it, even if it is strange or horrible.

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