Day 70 (evening)

I am watching the Clay Arnall video about healthy vs unhealthy now. And while I already had other videos like that, this way he puts it really is very calm and good to understand. So all in a good way and not as a “YOU ARE UNHEALTHY, GET HEALTHY” kind of way.

While he still (of course) wants people to get healthy INFJ’s, but just because this is actually what we all should want and actually want, when we know what we are actually dealing with.

I had a very great week so far for the most part. And it is still sometimes critical at times, but I started to prevent direct damage with going into positive offensive now. This means when I get into a conversation with my mother or father and it turns into a negative outcome for either me or them and therefor both of us either way, I still fall into the “I am leaving and go into my safe zone” (which is my room or just being alone in general). But then after a short time I got out of my safe zone back into the scene, you could say. And each time it turned out good or at least less harmful for both sides. It didn’t always work, but it gets better.

And back to the video. This guy really sums it all up in each video or at least in those I watched so far. A great inspiration and it really is true, that you wouldn’t think what he is really like if he wouldn’t have said it all this times and with all the videos about this INFJ topic. This is not new for me by now, but still a great reminder and supportive in my current state of progress / process.

Now that I could finally forgive the dark commander (in my image description), I can fight side-by-side with the men who are still there because they realized what they have done for all these years. And he himself also deeply regrets his actions. He isn’t a commander anymore, not a leader. But he still is and now he is fighting for the right side. (This could look strange in the head because at first I had an image showing nazi soldiers and a bunch of women and people with all sorts of clothes and colors on them fight together for peace, but then I realized in the second frame that I forgot to get the converted soldiers some new uniforms. Ups.. my bad. Because it looked very strange this way.) But still in my head they are now trying to work together for the first time since my early childhood I guess. Back then it felt different and I didn’t have these “images” to describe it, but it developed over time and started pretty soon.

After war is over now and not like WW2 because it wasn’t about WW2 in my head. Sometimes the leader was this or that, sometimes looked like a woman, sometimes like demon. Many faces you know. But in the end, it was just the dark side of me. The part of me which started as a defender, who wanted to protect me, but in the end turned into the monster I actually feared more than anything else, while other bad things sure supported it.

And of course it is way different from historical points, but I mean Star Wars also used the nazis as the big dark enemy, you know. I personally don’t like Star Wars that much. I just watched one or two maybe and heard this and that. But it never really hit me. For me it was Stargate as I said and it will always be the number one. While now so many other series and movies I found and watched recently, reached it as well. I even started to think about putting another series over Stargate, but no. They can share their positions in value, but in time, Stargate will always be first for me. Just because it saved my life. It taught me everything I didn’t get where I am and was. Back then, when I was in elementary school and later, I didn’t realize how much it was, but it was everything.

It was the starting point for me. What may have been Harry Potter or Star Wars for others, was Stargate for me and probably even more. It isn’t “just” a series (well actually there are three series and some movies, anyways), it is like a book about everything you should think about, should know about. It is entertainment, education, spiritual guidance and a master piece or pieces I should say.

While some may think “what is so special about it?”, may others say “why haven’t I heard about it before?”. It really depends on how you see it. Because one watches it just for fun or to turn off the head, while I actually was in a “Holy shit this is amazing, I hope it never stops” kind of state and also it explained or mirrored some of my thoughts and feelings I felt alone with back then and still to this day for some.

Stargate is like one with my story in some way. And I already said it was and still is like some kind of bible or bible addition. But not in a religious way, but a spiritual way or should I say, in a way to guide towards your true Destiny? Stargate fans know. 😀