Day 65 (until dawn)

I just finished the series Elite and during the final episode I had tears in my eyes and somtimes some tears did drop down because it was such an emotional and unexpected ending. And while it might could seem like a happy end, it actually wasn’t, but it was an ending you want to have and what you can have. Maybe even better. But it actually showed me that I wasn’t wrong about what I said, that I have seen God acting and God showing how he acts in this series. Actually in most things I recently watched and in so many things in gerenral.

I know, I know, you think that I am way too far out, but no this is just how I see everything, when I am really me and when I am connected with what I call God, through my soul and all the good things.

And the final song which played also hit me because it was one of the songs I listened to last year when I felt unsure and pretty broken.

My life feels like a movie for several reasons now, but I can tell you, it is one of the best movies I have ever seen, if not the best. 🙂

Still it was a horror movie, it was a fatasy story, it was a miracle, it was a movie about drama, about school, about trauma. It was a religious movie, it was a movie about drugs, one with strange comdey and also about a hero and also about the most evil being of all times, it was about me and you and all of us and it isn’t finished yet.

This movie is about all things and everything was part of it and will be.

I really don’t want to be a movie star because my life actually was a painful experience for the most part. I recieved a lot of pain, I caused some pain and I tried to hold it together until I couldn’t because I shouldn’t have held it together the way I did. I lied to myself, to others and lying was my “true” me, while it wasn’t my true self. I believed my own lies or tried real hard and others believed them, to a point where telling the truth felt like lying.

I really don’t wish anyone what I went through, while I know there are worse hells out there and way worse situations and lives to live or escape from, I know.

I am, what I am – a soul. A soul in a vessel. And sometimes the vessel thinks it knows better, while the soul just wants the good, but sometimes big storms get in the way. The ship seems to break and the soul seems to break with it. So it takes over in autopilot mode, does things we might regret or even harms us more because it doesn’t know how to handle the situation.

We just forgot or maybe never knew, that there are many other pilots out there, we just need to send them a signal. Through prayer, through tears, through a word or a song, just a moment together. Take the radio and make your call: “I am out there, alone in space. My ship is breaking, I don’t know how long it can take the damage. Please… someone.” And then I will answer: “I am here, I am on my way.”

(I started to cry because of the love rushing through me while typing this.)

Man what is happening. But it is good, the purest love you can get. 💗

I guess I will go out for a short walk through the forest now.

What things others don’t see or just see in a different way can change for the better. How different things can be. How amazing everything is, while on the same world everything is horrible. The point of view makes the difference, people make a difference, souls who want to live, really live.

I also read a quote not long ago, something like “The darker the place, the brighter the light.” And for me this is the case, in many ways, different ways.

For me things aren’t just one way. They always have multiple sides, multiple perspectives are necessary to fully understand them. Sometimes I still don’t understand it fully because the perspective I would need for it is still not in my reach yet, still not possible for me.

Sometimes I imagine, how the highest intelligence must feel like, but on the other hand I already felt it, while it probably wasn’t mine. All souls and brains together are more powerful than anyone can ever be.

And when I try to think, how God as a being could be, it just is not fully possible for me, while I sure have some perspectives, but the one which tells me, this is how it all was and will be, still is not in my reach. God is in us, we all are God, God created us, God is everything good, God is love.

Either way there is something bigger than just the single soul, the single brain and human. There is always more, an addition, a subtraction another one to be a part of it. And while all humans together share a consciousness from which God is a part, a being which is God might also be out there.

Connection, love – it opens doors, it changes everything and it can hurt, when it seems all for nothing. It can break you, to love when it feels all pointless. But when you know that the actual love you want is so much more than just a flirt, a partner for some time, but something solid, something which will last forever or at least can last forever. Then you would say, I want it, just give me this love. Or you think, this is not possible, there is no such love. But there is nothing which is impossible. Impossible is just a word for things we either don’t want to understand, can’t understand yet or for the sake of describing itself.

If logic is the only way you see the world, maybe it is impossible for you to understand, or maybe not? 🙂 Everything connected in some way, through logic, through mathematics, through love, through science, through believe, so many things.

And with true love you can also find a loving friend, a partner for life, a family you maybe never had. Love has to be for everyone.

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