Day 64 (first hours)

For that we will never forget those who are and were forgotten by everyone else.

Tonight I really was just sitting next to the forest on two benches. At first a while on the bench next to the first tree corridor where the main road and the forest roads cross each other. Then on the bench next to the road leading to the grave yard.

Tonight I just needed the cold and fresh wind all around me and a peaceful night. Just a handful of cars, which actually is pretty good for this time. Probably because most people now actually stay at home. Maybe the few cars were people working in the hospital, who knows.

Before I walked past the first tree corridor I heared a deer maybe and an owl and also other animals sometimes. I heard them until I was sitting down on the second bench. And then it was just quiet and peaceful. It was as if they were waiting for me or greeting me because I wasn’t there around two weeks.

While sitting on the benches I had many amazing thoughts again and feelings. I also saw a bright light over the village. But because behind it there is a hill, I wasn’t sure whether it was something like a car or maybe something else. But it was at the same position and sometimes shining brighter then it got dark only to shine again a minute later. At one point it got really bright it almost hurt in the eye and it seemed brighter this one time than the usual car. I could call it an UFO, but I didn’t really see where it came from, just seemed as if it was hovering over village. Still could have been something else as I said. But it was a strange sightning for sure.

While sitting on the second bench I sometimes heard noises from behind me in the forest, like sticks braking and sometimes something was moving fast, maybe a rabbit or a wheezle thingy or whatelse. I had the eyes closed the most time on that bench. I was breathing in the smell of the fresh air and grass and just listened to the forest noises. At one point an animal must have been very close to me, something small from the noise.

I felt so warm and calm, while it was actually pretty cold.

But yeah it wasn’t as cold as some other days I went out and even layed on the cold ground with freezing temperatures. According to the weather websites it is around 5 °C, but it felt like 20 °C. Okay I had a jacket and warm trousers, but still way too warm feeling compared the actual feeling.

The forst is always good for surprises and to just relax me, while I sure still have a little fear for what could be in the dark, most of the time there was nothing or just small animals more scared of me. I mean even the wild boars were running away, when they noticed me (this one night).

Lion is actually a movie I watched some years ago with my mother in an open air summer cinema. But it was difficult to understand and watch some parts because there were so many people, so the parts which weren’t in german because we couldn’t really read the subtitles because of the other people. But nonetheless it was a very deep and emotional movie about a guy who wanted to find his real parents again and his home where he was actually from. Just thinking about this story almost makes me cry while I probably couldn’t back then when I actually watched it.

Yesterday was a good day and tonight was also a very good night.

I really have to go into the forest more often again, like the weeks before I stopped because of all what was and me being too tired or weak. Tonight I wasn’t and it was more than needed. Together will all this music again, before and after it was a very highly emotional and sensitive experience.

Maybe I will create a new track myself now or just watch another episode of Elite or something else. I don’t know. Not too much though because I soon have to sleep, but I am just in this high mood.

This is what medicine and drugs can’t give you, but because this is the only thing I need, it is all I need to feel good. I don’t take medicine and want medicine because the best medicine is free, at least for me. Sometimes you need a doctor, but not always and not everyone. With my heart I probably need one pretty soon, but with my mind and soul I am my best help, well actually not I myself, but I find things which help me the best myself.

Good night, good morning and stay true. In the end it doesn’t matter what grades you got, what titles or else you earned. It is only important whether you did it with love or just for the sake of it.

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