Day 59 (late evening)

For over a week I wasn’t in the forest because during the day I didn’t want to get out (too many people outside) and at night I was almost tired because at one point I didn’t sleep a day and after that I didn’t fully recharge. And well with my heart condition it is also not that good to not sleep a day, I know, but it is complicated.

Tonight I will hopefully don’t fall asleep before I went to the forest. I already feel tired again, especially after listening to my latest track Breathing in toxic environments. Maybe I will sleep for some ours and then go when it is still dark outside.

Becaues the company next to my house is still working as if nothing happened, there are still trucks coming, cars everywhere and people talking. Like a strange movie, in which I am the one just having a great imagination, while actually nothing changed, just my mind went crazy. But then I see the news, see the numbers and just think, well, why can’t I be one of the numbers on the death side?

But anyways, today I actually did somethings, I made a big bowl of banana yoghurt with strawberry jelly, chocolate and some other ingredients. I also made sausages with cheese around them and chocolate on top. It was very delicious and although it wasn’t much, I wasn’t hungry, it was almost too much. There is still a lot of yoghurt left because it was so filling, that me and my mother could just eat one portion each.

I also installed Manjaro Linux on the old notebook of mine. I will probably change some settings tomorrow and make some improvements, but it is running and compared to Windows pretty fast. But still, I will probably have to change the hard disk soon with a SSD. And then I will get the other old pc running again, so that I can continue some other projects maybe and also as a home cinema compute. Before it was the old notebook, but it is very slow and not good to use. We will see. I also ordered a studio mircophone and a keyboard which will arrive tomorrow. So who knows, maybe I will start singing tomorrow or reading poems of mine. You never know what the next day will bring.

(For me it often holds more problems, but at least some good things as well and the problems are often very stupid.)

And don’t get it wrong it really is better than before I started my journey, it is just harder to fight now because now I feel the pain way more than before, but also they joy, love and sadness, just the feelings.

So I am feeling and therefor feeling better, but wounds need some time to heal, so don’t expect me to jump around in a happy mood after getting shot several times and stabbed in the lungs (mental and emotional situation, not meant literally).