Day 57 (late afternoon)

It is like a movie or apocalyptic TV series. Also like a dream come true, while the actual dream would have been either better or worse, still it is actually how I expected the end of days would be. Documents, documents, people confused, people talking, people not caring, people running around and then, boom the world is not as it was before.

I am glad I did things slow and didn’t rush, except for quitting my job and giving the current situation, it was the best thing I could do because I probably would have got in trouble anyways. Even if not, I wouldn’t have been able to work at these times anyways. So for now we have enough food and not too many things to pay for, so I am good.

But given my mental state, I still am in danger. Don’t get it wrong, we all are in danger for several reasons, not “just” the virus, but also for the changes which will be made because of it. For example the mobile phone tracking and things. Some people feared this for years and now is the time it starts I guess. The future is already written, but it still has open spots to fill. So there is always space for change in a good way. In a book, only the important parts are written down, otherwise you wouldn’t want to read it or would have to take several years to read. So you have enough space for imagination, which is actually good.

Being an introvert and given the fact that I almost had no human contact, except for my mother and my father and some days in the past three months, I am very prepared. And I feel the best when I am alone in a room, but not alone entirely. So nice that you are here too and therefor we both aren’t alone completely. For me this is good, all of this, except the pain and deaths others have to go through. If I could change it, I would.

In this times where we have the internet, 3D printers, AI and other cool technologies, I wonder, how we aren’t able to create some kind of synthetic antivirus or medication. I mean, really, we have achieved so much, it seems, but we can’t use this things? Are we too stupid to use it or is it that we don’t want to?

I know that it is not easy, but in this times, it should actually be easier because we have more people to work on such solutions. So for example a big simulation could actually solve this problem, in my opinion at least.

If you could not only simulate the virus spread (which is pretty old by now), but actually decode the virus and then find coutner attacks for it.

If computers would do this, it shouldn’t take as long as humans trying to analyse the data. But either they fear it (what is totally understandable), or they just don’t have this kind of technology yet everywhere, or they are just too stupid to use it efficient. (I know this seems like a rage or complaining, it is complaining, yes, but I mean I do have a point, or not?)

Your enemy is not who you think it is and your allies aren’t the people think they would be. In the end, thought enemies are allies, and thought friends, will probably go against eachother. This is nothing new, so it is very likely to happen. Still while trusting noone, you have to be able to trust people you don’t know, based on your gut feeling and experience. But experience can sometimes be a problem because it let’s us assume things, so we don’t see it from the eyes of a child. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad. Your soul and decisions will reveal the truth.

If you fight for the good things, no matter how you look, where you are, what you call yourself, what others call you – you are an ally. If you should just feel broken, feel down, not able to fix yourself, feeling lost for ever, you are an ally. If you can’t believe in Gods, you are an ally, if you believe in the God of love, in the truth behind all this mess, you are welcome.

In the end, there isn’t a border between us, except the ones who think they can harm others to feel good or be in charge and things like this. If you should be one of them, you can still be an ally, if you realize that egoistic and narcistic ways, aren’t good for you and especially others. Sometimes fear controls us too, sometimes others who have power over us or people we love. It is difficult, but forgiveness is important. So while facing the enemy (what or whoever that might be in the end), think about how they could feel or think and be open for a change in them. Everyone can change, but if you don’t let them, they have no chance for it – obviously.

English Lyrics (Google Translator):
Every song of my favorite singer passes through my ears, so I know that you have also listened to it somewhere..and we feel the same … it is strange that I suddenly lose my balance without reason just because you fell somewhere in the world …. your eyes are overflowing … we are spiritually connected Painful for me and you, and the Lord knows only what was taken away .. from you and me … So my senses fell about me, your senses also fell …. I imagine you like me lying on the sofa watching TV and writing … Turn off the light of your room I was unable to turn it off from my room I will not lie I drank something cold in the morning Perhaps that is why you got a cold .. Hold a hammer and smashed your roof? Without any reason my ceiling fell, I am writing now from under the rubble and we have the same feeling .. We will look from the windows of the mirror to each other and know that my reflexes step aside to see you know the size of my desire to possess again the moment where did my papers disappear How do I complete my story now that they are listening to find it I left my letters with you ok Burn her and just keep her ashes ..
I am in a birthday party now. I am fine and just walked to a dog. I do not hide from you the facts. What did you expect that would actually happen 10 minutes ago? I have always written on the hill and under the moon. Imagine … I wish we could pick you up … Write a script to represent you later when you hurry up to events She will not rush you more than we went back to sleep again. Most of the magic happened under my mattress, fun. Your mattress is still safe. I still sleep over it. Your smell has disappeared, and my new fragrances smell the place. Just ask, do the voices penetrate our world? I hear your voice sometimes my life … perhaps because of the echo when you speak the walls of your room ..
I still play the caller?
Strange that I do not see you but I see the sound of my steps in the corners of my room dancing there now or is it the voice of your running from another person my Japanese do not worry this is not an earthquake that I am hitting my head on my walls to mute the voices are not my fault you do not stand up do not open the door then that my mother knocks trying to stop me so as not to break my head Clear, clear .. Sanam and my miniatures are fantasies that will never meet reality. For my soul is dead. I left your girl on the ground. Clear, I will not speak more than a dream … I fell from the top of the building that my imagination drew to fall between the bones of your neck … Wayne Rani … I went too crazy and too much and went too far in Drink your curse … Let me get out of my thoughts. Let me see you and let me call you. I want to shed tears in your eyes. Your passage, your parts stick to me, my lips, my lips, and we are naughty, they recover .. I think that you are just a female, and my conclusion is to understand them .. We do not have all of us because we did not leave me from you and me and from them .. And the same feeling affects us now and after a little and my mind in flight mode I will not answer I will not speak my mind outside the coverage area is closed or in case Delirium … is a matter of our usual places, and he saw us, and the child inside me fears …. I close the sight as if I went and only did not really go through the separation most of our places were in my room in my room I am preaching coexistence with something like this then they talked about schizophrenia … I changed my phone number and home address I tried to socialize with others …. I dragged you toward you, and I suddenly turned away to you I am damn, oh, damn joke to me whenever I try to crush you. Give me a torn powder. At the door of your house, a drunken drunk, drunk and drunk. People are supposed to laugh at a play… Drama… I am unable to feel anywhere else My body My room My house You entered my heaven So I took her identity and spoiled my disbelief You ..And because of her, come down, nothing will change … settling the matter like this, I will live in a gentle dance forever
What I play for disappeared from you
Your return will not change a thing
My eyes do not see even that body
…….. Do not dare and talk your walls about that loss, because my room becomes a maze, little by little, and I am getting more strange. I put the music and search inside it to find me and me, and the Aquarius has filled it with vomit … The same feeling I was wrong throughout this time was supposed to be a beautiful and racial thing. He will not meet emotionally she is in love while he is in trouble and we exchanged roles until we became something dirty ..
Tears will not even wash it
It will not become pure
They found it before me, and they found a solution for it
Madness of us is enough
You can intervene right now, I give you the right to formally exile, greater than himself yesterday, and weakened my bone tomorrow and guess what .. no woman behind me
I was alone
My life died on the day of my death
You will notice that I was alone in my shoulder
. I drank all my tears and I still feel thirsty … what now … your mind is ruined … wherever you understand them and your son is built in you..and they are scattered .. strangers about this place all my feelings are mine alone .. and we will not change .. they will not resemble me emotionally nor our time Before me and after me, you are small ………… bigger than tears and smile of disappointment … greater than fear, letdown and prestige …
Insanity is mine and insanity is extracted from heavenly feelings, so how can we share it impossible? Your veins are polluted in jabriya, “sh” .. I breathed from your love .. so that .. they .. me crazy and we are all God .. and to Him we return …. the same feeling I was wrong.

I know I am writing a lot, but in the end I am also just a human, having problems, not always being that nice. Breaking connections because of fear or depression, because of my problems.

And the translation is probably not that good, I mean it is google translator, but still from what I understood, a very deep and emotional story. And should it be at least 75% translated correct, something I can relate to in some way. – As I said, be open people, but don’t just fall for everything. Follow your heart and you will find what you need or what you have to do. Like a mission or just a moment, which would turn out much worse, without you.

I hope your week was just strange and weird, but not horrible. Otherwise I wish you strenght and I am sending you some love.

Stay home, stay safe and spread love.

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