Day 54 (evening)

Well so far my mental state is still in a more or less normal state, but I had some negative events and the the situation with my father isn’t helping.

So I would say, I am at risk of falling in the spiral again, I guess. Because I just want this nightmare come to an end, not no matter what end (preferable the negative end for me). My mental state is just so strange and weird.

I just feel like a pretender again, feel as if I was just writing random things, but I wasn’t. Still the manipulator is kicking in, I guess.

I guess I will listen to some more tracks, then take a shower and eat something for diner. Maybe it will cheer me up. It is actually my family situation which is breaking me down again and all these related problems inside of me and in general. While the number one topic, the virus, actually cheered me up, finally some hope in a lost world. But well, family problems are still stronger, I guess.

The children are our future. At least they will survive, I guess. And I might have to check whether people who already had the virus, are imun against it afterwards (should it not mutate of course).

It is weird, but I kind of wish this not to end or if so, than without a fast and clean solution. I know, this is pretty crazy, but this virus crisis feels like the rage inside of me finally being expressed.