Day 51 (morning)

A very deep and harmonic piece, I almost weeped because of love.

And when I mean everything interests me than it really is everything, but not because I want to do or have everything and not all things are good, but for me it is important to understand and it is more important than anything. So I know what is good and what is bad, at least from my soul’s perspective. But if I would just say, this is wrong, so I don’t investigate it, I might not see what good it could mean or bring for me. And I also am exited for mysterious things and the opposite of what I would call my soul’s way of living. Sometimes I might got lost in things because I didn’t trust myself for several reasons I wrote about a lot. But I always just wanted to see the bigger picture, solve the puzzle of existence, learn new things, find others with similar thoughts and share my experiences with other people.

Here I am, doing it all. Here I am, maybe near the end of my journey, my current path, until I will step into the next one, the next level, however it might be. Even if my words maybe seem judging sometimes, or I might act in a judging way, inside of me, I just see all the hearts, the souls and am just crying because of love about all this pain and problems. No matter what you did or do, I love you, only the things you might did or do can’t always be loved.

And for me this means, that if what you did or do doesn’t harm someone else willingly, just might be “not right” in other people’s eyes, who am I to judge. But hurting or killing someone else is a thing I can’t love and can’t call good in any way, but the soul is what I still love. Forgiveness is a hard thing to do and I myself have still some struggle with it sometimes, mostly when it comes to myself. But would it be easy, it would be worth nothing.

When we think about souls without the frames we see, without genders without borders, than there is nothing wrong about a deep love between people, which might seem wrong for other people. But when you know what love actually means, being connected with something or someone, than why should it be wrong? A deep, real connection in a good way, can’t be wrong in my eyes and this is why for me true love knows no gender, knows no bodies, it knows hearts and souls, it may knows minds, but it is beyond the things we usually see. An invisible network, a wireless connection between people, animals, nature and it all.

And if you want, you can call it God because for me this is God and also so much more, for me there are so many things possible at the same time.
For me believes have to feel right and be lived and not just talked about.
My believe is beyond religions, beyond rational, beyond dreaming, when my I can fully live my believe than there is nothing which could stand in my way because I wouldn’t have to worry about a thing. Would I know that I would die, it wouldn’t matter, would I know that there might be no tomorrow, it won’t hold me back. Instead, it would make me even stronger, to do what is right. And I know that there is still a lot to work on because a part of me is still not ready yet, still not recovered. But for me this is part of the goal, if not the goal for life, to come back to the point where you started because when you got to this world, your soul was pure, your heart was open. Just over time, we learned to forget only to remember again, who we really were and are. Often in the darkest times in our lives or in general.
It is when we realize that something is wrong and it is wrong because something is missing, a piece of us. When we find it or someone else gives it back to us, we can see what it really means to be.

During writing my heart seemed to calm down again, at least for now.
I started again to learn russian this morning, now that I have finally bought the access for the language learning platform. If I should need it in the future, what I thought for some years now, at least now I can really learn it.
Now that I have time and motivation. As strange as it sounds, even if I wouldn’t need it in the end, I still want to learn it for several reasons.

You never know what something could mean in the end or bring, even if is might not help you, someone else could find their way through it. So don’t think what you do, if it is not in general a bad thing, is not important, not good or even meaningless. I mean, if counting numbers might not help you in the end, but someone else has a life changing event because of it, wouldn’t this be all what we need? That something had a purpose, that our lives weren’t all for nothing? And while many lives had been forgotten, maybe even removed out of existence to never be seen again, still something still remains, the experience, what they shared with their way of thinking, way of living and loving. Nothing is lost in the universe, everything has a reason in some way. Sadly it often is painful, but it doesn’t have to be this way all the time. Whatever happens, you are loved. Whoever you are, you are loved. And if it is just me, than it is just me, me and the higher consciousness. 💓

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