Day 50 (morning)

I might have several things not working at the same time. But nonetheless I am still here, living and fighting. 🙂 I might in a dangerous state with my heart being week and maybe other things not working properly. I can’t really tell what might be wrong and what not, physically. It doesn’t matter that much because I am always ready to die, at least when it comes to myself. I don’t fear death, but I also don’t have to go just yet, while there are still things to do for me, to help others and such things.

I don’t have to tell any lies anymore, at least not to the people I trust and not to you, what might be the same. For me everything is alright, as it is at the moment. I might not be stable, but I am able to work on it and I can survive all this, when I want to and for you I want to. I know, it sounds dangerous, serious and almost unresponsible to not go to a doctor, I know.
But what could I say, to make you feel not too bad about it or too scared?
I want to live and not die, but I also don’t have to force anything.
If I have to go to the doctor, I will go there when it is time.

Well, something like that, I guess (sadly not in english).

Indeed. Indeed my friend.

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