Day 49 (until dawn)

Maybe the end of our days have already started. While I still don’t think that this will mean the end, the end has probably started. As I said, it might get even worse, while it might seem better after this, if we should survive.

Until then, we can try to be there for people in need surrounding us.
Often forgotten by others or not even noticed, sometimes they even seem as if they were well and don’t need help. But I was one of them, who didn’t really get help, got misunderstood and ignored. Partially it is my fault, but probably the same way a wounded soldier got his wounds. If the soldier wouldn’t have gotten into the army, he wouldn’t have gotten his wounds.
But still he needs help, still he is wounded, no matter what he did or didn’t do.

We all have problems, but some are worse than others. Some might be easy for one, but hell for another. Just love each other more and don’t blame others, even though they might have done something wrong in the past, didn’t you as well? I also have to get used to this more and more because I still have a lot to heal in my soul and my mind.

And I am holding it with this one.
Mark 9:40: “Anyone who is not against us is for us.”
The thing is what, is “us” for me and what is it for you?
For myself, I would say, if people don’t want to do wrong willigly, even if they might do, is not against me, only if someone really wants to hurt me or others willigly or just do what they want and so on.

And no matter what someone believes, if they should be supporting love and want to help others and are open for other opinions and such, they are with me or for me. There is a limit because if someone believes in evil forces willigly, for example in the devil, they can’t be for me because the devil stands for harming others. But even these people could be for me, if they realize that it is wrong to harm others. Some of them might even think they are helping others. So if you close the door because of something you can’t understand, maybe you shouldn’t always.

Remember, we all we children at some point and we still are children, even though me might think we aren’t anymore, especially then. Children of God, whoever, whatever God is. For me there are many possibilites, possible at the same time. So when I talk about God, I am not necessarily talking about God the father. I am still talking about our creator because in some way we got created for sure. I believe that many stories are possible at the same time, while it is important to look close on each one. It is important to understand others to understand yourself. This is why I am open for everything in some way.

For me God doesn’t have to be a being, but also could be, while there could be another thing as well. I believe we are all connected, all humans, some more, some less. And while we pray, our prayer gets taken by this connection of us, the overall consciousness you could say. And for me this consciousness could be God, as well as God could be out there in space, outside of space at all and even the whole universe could be God in some way. For me God has no gender, is just there. And while a female soul and a male soul together are more like God than alone, we also could be one with God if we open our minds for it and see the beauty, the mysterious masterpiece of it all.

I am not supporting any religion or such things, I won’t call myself a member of any. I was born into a Christian family, but let’s say, I learned that religion is fake. Because it is worth nothing, if you go to church, but are fighting each other at home and even on the way from or to church or whereever you might go for your service.

But as a kid I made a difference between my believe and experiences with believe, Jesus, God and what I saw people doing in his name or for him or just while they actually should be doing things with and for him.
So for me I don’t count myself as Christian, but I believe in Jesus because the stories of him, have life in them. I felt it as a kid, while I didn’t feel it most of the time when I went to Christian events, the service or in general by observing other Christians. They might go to church or something, but then they talk bad about others, make dirty jokes and even bully others or just can’t really live what they seem to believe in. And this is just because I am from a Christian family, but this is meant for any religion.

On the other hand I believe that everywhere is someone who truly believes because as a kid I truly believed in God and Jesus and I still do in some way to this day, but my perspective has changed and I realized what it was, what I felt as a kid. So I say, that there are true Christians and people who believe in other things and I am happy about it, at least if it shouldn’t be something which would harm them or others. Things people believe which necessarily harm someone, be it themselves or other people, is not good and I don’t support that, but still we have to listen and understand why.

If you are a Christian let’s say and you can truly believe in it because you look beyond the broken religion and fake people, than I am not here to tell you that you are wrong because in my eyes you are on the right path.
But if there should be someone who is a muslim I would also say it to them.
Not because I support the islam, not, but because there are also people who believe in a good God, a loving God and who don’t want to hurt anyone.
No wars, no fighting. Love, peace, freedom – these are my main words when it comes to what I believe. But love as I mentioned before, is so much more than just pain and short or not at all. It is everything we want and need and with love, comes peace and with peace comes freedom.

Anyone should look into Jesus, not because of “Jesus loves you” or something like that, no phrases, no images. Just what is written about him in the bible. Whether one can believe it is true or not. It doesn’t matter because as it is with scifi stories, we also usually don’t believe that they could be real, but still it interests us (at least me and some other people :D).
And with Jesus you could see it the same way, if you shouldn’t want to believe in Jesus the son of God or something. Alan Watts had some very good ideas about it and for me Alan Watts was a great man. There are many others and we don’t have to accept everything or have the same opinion, but it is very interesting what he said about Jesus from his perspective.

So if for you, religion, believes and such things should be nothing, than just see Jesus as a legend or maybe something like a jedi master, maybe an acient. Whatever is possible for you when it comes to fantasy and scifi etc.
But despite all believes, if you just read or listen to what he did and tell people, it should open your mind. So even if he would have been just a human like us, I believe we could become like him. Well, sure not exactly like him, but to a state similar to his. But not if we want it for ourselves, only if we want it for others. And then the power of our united consciousness might give you power beyond your imagination or what you thought is possible, or others told you.

There are of course differences between magic and “magic” and so on.
So “not everything what shines is gold”, but still we shouldn’t look away and say it is worth nothing. It is also necessary to know that I also believe in evil or dark spirits, which could live among us, however or whatever they are, whether they are lost souls or demons or such, it doesn’t matter that much.

But you should also know what you really want, you want something good and if you know that, everything could be turned into something good in some way, even if it might was intended differently. And also be careful, some people just say “open your mind and all will be good” or such things, as if there couldn’t be something evil out there. I just know that there could be, so I know the risk, but if you don’t know it and just think everything is good and can’t be bad, you should first be clear about the risks.

Everyone can be blinded and fool, especially those who think nothing and noone can fool them. So as a child, we can trust in this higher, good thing you could call God and with it, everything will be fine, just don’t do anything completely alone, it won’t end good at some point, trust me.

I know a lot of text, a lot of confusing messages maybe, but in my mind it is even bigger and more complex. This is why I have to repeat some things to sort them and reprocess them, to understand them better myself and also reshape what I think and how I think. In some way I am my own teacher, while I know, that me alone, I would just fail in this world.

Thank you for your time. 🙂 Love you!



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