Day 49 (early morning)

We are all broken at some point or in some way. Those who never broke, you are either the lucky ones or you don’t know yet, what was or is broken.
But being broken is not for ever and many have to fight with it.
Fighting completely alone, or at least feeling alone with it makes the fight a hopeless one. Therefor we have to show eachother that we care and that we are there.

I just realized that I forgot to close the window, after I just opened it to get some fresh air. My feet are pretty frozen and the window was probably open for several hours. Oh boy…

We have to fight for us and all the others like us, all the ones who want to be real, who want to be free and a better, different world. But our own war is the hardest of them all. Our war against ourselves.
Don’t give up. Some are lone fighters, but many lone fighters together, build an army, even though they still fight alone, in some way.

Over the last months I more and more realized how broken I really was and still am. I started writing it all down and to combine the dots. Things I always realized and things I just found out to be the case as well and so on.

It brought me back to who I was before all of this and I got my soul out of my own prison. I might not live too long, but before I didn’t live at all most of the time, so it is better to live now for a short time than to maybe not live much longer, but dead inside. Maybe I will live a long and happy life after all, but first I have to get to the point in which I could say “I’m fine.”, without the taste of a lie. I am not fine, I wasn’t for most of my life. But at least now I can work on it because I know that it is a real thing and I am not just a monster pretending to be broken, while I am just a monster.
I am not a monster, but there still lives a monster inside of me sometimes.
(The still broken parts of mine.)

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