Day 48 (until dawn)

When I walked towards the forest some hours ago, my heart started to heart again and while I passed the first tree corridor, tears started rolling down my face. I wasn’t weeping or crying, it just happened. And I guess that my heart and a possible physical damage could be related to it. Even if the heart should be in tact, something sure isn’t. Until I entered the forest I had tears in my eyes.

This time I chose a different road. The last times I always walked on paths I used to walk on when I was a kid, but this time I took a path didn’t take that often. The moon is still pretty bright, so even though it was 1 AM, I could see the path most of the time. It was a good walk again. I processed a lot and also relaxed. In the end I ended up in a neighbour village, but I just watched the sky a little and then walked back the way I came. I really didn’t want to go into the village, or anywhere near people.

On the way back I noticed some strange light reflections next to the path, so I turned on my flash light. There were two small stone pyramids.

I looked around and found some more two meters from them and also one farther away from the path. It sure looked interesting and I imagined people building them. Either someone alone or maybe two people or more.
It felt good to see them. I looked around farther, but I only found these 5 or six of them. Then I continued my walk back.

And well I heard the owl again, at the same place as always.
Then I heard this weird other bird or what it is, I still don’t know what it is yet, I almost sounds like a crow and is very loud and always in the middle of the night, also at the same place when I hear it. I guess next time I will go in the part of the forest where it is. It sounds scary in some way, but also like a warning of some sort. So I might just investigate it.

When I passed the first tree corridor again, my heart started to heart again. Not as much as when I entered, but still it did hurt a little.
It just doesn’t work, I can’t get the forest in here because it is not the place, but the energy of trees, and nature in general, which heals and helps me.
So I really have to live in the forest. But if I should be able to process everything and overcome all my problems, during all these “forest therapy sessions”, I could probably live anywhere. Until then, I am lucky to have so much forest surrounding me. And all who want to be in the forest as well, are welcome and free to come over. 🙂

After I got home again, I got myself some baguette and salmon. Man I was hungry. I ate the whole salmon and more than half a baguette.
While eating I watched the second season of the series Timeless.

(I finished Retribution yesterday and it was a very, very emotional thing. Only has 4 episodes and is a mini series.)

I watched the first season some time ago, when I still watched series on less legal streaming platforms for free. Back than it was still not illegal to watch streamed content, at least not completely. But now it is illegal for some years now. And I don’t use these websites anymore. And now Netflix recommended this series again, with a new season. This really made my day (or night). I watched the first episode while eating. I will probably make some music now and then watch some more episodes. I really liked this series back then and although I forgot some things because it was some years and much happened, I just was in again. And I wanted more.

But with all of what is in this blog, it is just my view and my view sometimes is splitted and also changes over time because of progress.
Also you don’t have to like everything I like, the same way I don’t have to like everything you might like. But it is more likely that I like things most people don’t like than the other way around.

I naturally was connected with everything as a kid, and I have to reverse engineer myself to fully repair all the broken circuits and wrong “programs” which are running against me. I can achieve anything, do anything, if I feel good. And when I don’t have pressure on my back or a “you have to”, “you must”. When I can be who I am, I do things which are good for me automatically and also good for others because this is who I am. I am a savior, I am a helper, I am a light in the dark. But I lost it most of the time. In school, at work, with friends. It all broke me more and more. People in general and then I myself for the most part in the end.

The child is still in there and the child is not a child in a stupid way, but in a bright and interested way, my soul and my pure kind. I am no angel, no saint or something. I am far from it, when you consider angels and saints to be flawless and just good all the time. Whatever you think who or what I am, I am many things, I understand many things and I learned a lot. But now it is time for me to heal and use what I learned when I was broken 2/3 of my life at least, to do better. Maybe I was right and time is running out.
We will see, but this only makes me stronger, grows the will to continue with what I am doing because it feels right. For me and others. I only hope that it truly is good for the other people. It feels good to me, even though I might struggle with it sometimes again.

Just the wounds which bleed again sometimes. I got hit my several bullets, a granade, a bomb and even some gas. Then I got hit by a lighnight strike only to get blinded by another one.
– Just an image (imagination) of the state I am in. A near death wounded soul, but I am not dead yet and I am still fighting and I am trying to heal.

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